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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I tell my mother?

79 replies

CIammy · 04/07/2022 12:48

Nc.

I am 24, live at home but work full time. I moved back during the pandemic as I thought there was no point paying London rent to work from home.

My fathers laptop broke and I lent him my spare one. I’ve noticed he has been acting peculiarly lately. I know I shouldn’t have done it but when he went out this morning I checked his emails.

There are some very incriminating emails that suggest he has been having an affair with an Eastern European lady. I’m not sure what country she is from but she speaks Russian to my father (he also speaks near fluent Russian) but looks East Asian?

My father sent an email recently saying he’d like to see her in her “birthday suit” with a winky face. He also always addresses her my sweetheart, darling etc and ends his messages xxxxx.

I can see he has sent her money on a number of occasions and toys to her children. She been sending pictures of her daughter who looks mixed race and now I’m wondering if she is my half-sister?! He never refers to her as his daughter. The emails go back over six years.

My father has spent his career living and working in other parts of the world so it’s not inconceivable he has another family.

I am really shocked, saddened and I’ve no idea what I should do now.

I have broken his trust by going on the laptop and reading his emails, although I feel somewhat vindicated as I knew there was something going on. They cannot have seen each other since before covid but they kept in touch throughout.

I remember before covid he went and taught English to children in Ukraine. I know he definitely went there as he sent pictures of himself at the school but now I’m wondering if he met up with her there too?

Sorry I am rambling and this probably doesn’t make any sense. Do I tell my mum? They’ve been together since she was 22 and she’s now 61 :(

OP posts:
MRex · 05/07/2022 06:49

Work out a time when your dad will be out and sit your mum down with the laptop, have your brother come over too. You don't need to give your dad back your own laptop, just remove his login.

abw94 · 07/07/2022 19:58

How did you get on OP?

Lalosalamanca · 07/07/2022 20:03

No darling you haven't ruined anything, he ruined his relationship with you busy cheating on his wife, and betraying his whole family this way.

user1471459761 · 07/07/2022 20:09

After all this time, no, I would not interfere. I don't think either parent will thank you. Who are you to judge right and wrong here? You have no idea of the actual facts. Leave it alone. Speak to your father if you must but you may regret upsetting the status quo.

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