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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Hit DH car

69 replies

Bnxybee · 03/07/2022 15:54

DH and I went out for a drive in my car today which is unusual as we normally go out in his. As I pulled into our drive at about 1mph, a wasp flew into the car and I ducked somehow managing to graze his tyre. There’s no damage to the tyre or even the paintwork but he went ballistic. He basically asked me what I’d have done if I had been driving at 30 on a busy road because most normal people would’ve have hit the brakes. He also reiterated that I hit a curb by a school an hour earlier. He said he’s pissed off he pays insurance for a car I hardly drive and when I do, I make stupid errors.

Just for context, I used to be a very confident driver. These past two years have broken me. I lost my Dad, Gran and Grandad in the space of a year-and-a-half. I gave up a job I loved because of COVID (long story). I had a nervous breakdown during lockdown. Then our landlord decided to sell up and we’ve had to move. I’ve struggled a lot with juggling home and work life and in May, I was finally diagnosed with ADHD. It’s at the forefront of my mind every time I drive but I’ve asked DH to support me with it as it’s not something I want to give up.

Unfortunately, I messed up as per usual and now my confidence is even lower. Overheard my colleagues slagging me off yesterday, too. I feel like my best will never be good enough so why try? I’ve shut myself in my room and now I can’t stop crying. DH is downstairs with DS and he just walked in and sarcastically asked me when I’m going to go downstairs and give him a hand. He knows I’ve been crying!

OP posts:
Bnxybee · 03/07/2022 15:55

Oh, he also said that I’ll end up hurting someone one day if that’s my reaction to something flying into the car. I’m going to sell it I think!

OP posts:
picklemewalnuts · 03/07/2022 15:58

Please don't sell your car. That would make you very vulnerable and dependent on a man who isn't being kind to you.

Who else do you have to ask for support? Is there a friend or relative that could keep you company while you drive and rebuild your confidence?

popcorndiva · 03/07/2022 15:58

Can you get some driving lessons as if you hit a curb you don't sound very confident.

ChiefDogsbody · 03/07/2022 16:01

I'd get rid of him if I were you.

OP it's really not unusual to have bumps and scrapes, my car has an enormous scrape down one side at the moment because I totally misjudged an angle coming out of a tight car park. My DH just said, nevermind that's what the insurance is for. That's what a supportive DH sounds like.

RichardOsmansXraySpecs · 03/07/2022 16:02

Ignore the idiot, it was an accident, so what? I hit the kerb yesterday in our brand new car and I’ve been driving 30 years, can’t be helped.

I hope you shouted back when he went ballistic?
Don’t sell the car OP, sell the ‘D’H!!

Go out in the car on your own to get your confidence back and don’t let the fuckers get you down.

Chin up.

Bnxybee · 03/07/2022 16:03

@popcorndiva i did have a few refresher lessons and my driving instructor said I’m absolutely fine and he doesn’t see the issue. Unfortunately, I’m a bag of nerves without someone beside me (pathetic I know) and now Im doubting myself even more. I don’t want to give up driving, though. I used to really enjoy it. I had to sell my car during the pandemic and didn’t drive for about a year. My husband never agreed to put me on his insurance so he drove everywhere. Now I seem to be a terrible driver.

OP posts:
Seeline · 03/07/2022 16:04

I crashed my car in the garage because a wasp flew in!

I certainly didn't put the brakes on, I just tried to get out and the car stalled and lept backwards as I was in reverse.

picklemewalnuts · 03/07/2022 16:04

I clip the kerb regularly leaving my street. It's a tight turn, and with oncoming traffic it's really hard to make it. Obviously I wouldn't risk it if there were pedestrians standing there.

It isn't something to panic about. It certainly isn't something to shout at you about!

sweeneytoddsrazor · 03/07/2022 16:05

He didn't say it very nicely but he does have a point. You need to build your confidence back up not just give up.

popcorndiva · 03/07/2022 16:05

Can you take a friend then a few times, just to prove to yourself remove the reliance on your DH. The more you drive the more natural it comes and you will get confident.

Polly271220 · 03/07/2022 16:06

Not your fault...you just have a nasty cunt for a dh....fuck him off!

Howabsolutelyfanfuckingtastic · 03/07/2022 16:06

Your DH sounds a treat 🙄 i vote to get rid of DH and keep the car.

LoudingVoice · 03/07/2022 16:07

His reaction is the issue here! Grazing a tyre & bumping a kerb aren’t serious driving issues, I’d hardly notice if I accidentally bumped a kerb!

It sounds like he’s really damaging your confidence and seems to be enjoying you being upset 😢

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 03/07/2022 16:11

Can't imagine why you are a nervous driver if he kicks off like this over something so trivial. What. An. Arse

Either borrow a friend or make yourself go out solo daily for a short run or every other day for a decent 30 mins.

Don't sell your car, ask yourself why does he want to make you feel so crap? What does he get out of it?

Personally I would take your keys, go downstairs and go out in your car for a few hours. Switch off your phone and any tracker/find my iPhone you might have shared and just go for a gentle spin. Have an ice cream or a coffee.
When you get back if there's an objection then simply say "You said I needed to practice. You can't have it both ways"

beautyisthefaceisee · 03/07/2022 16:13

popcorndiva · 03/07/2022 15:58

Can you get some driving lessons as if you hit a curb you don't sound very confident.

Did you read her post?

beautyisthefaceisee · 03/07/2022 16:13

sweeneytoddsrazor · 03/07/2022 16:05

He didn't say it very nicely but he does have a point. You need to build your confidence back up not just give up.

Did you read her post?

Bnxybee · 03/07/2022 16:14

This morning he screamed at DS (3) for “not listening”. Basically, DS got all my tampons and pads out my bag and asked what they were. I said they’re “mummy’s nappies” and he laughed his head off then decided to tip them out the box. DH told him to put them back and DS said no (with a cheeky smile). He grabbed the front of his shirt and shouted at him. Before telling me I have no discipline over him. He’s a p!

OP posts:
PeekabooAtTheZoo · 03/07/2022 16:16

You're a nervous driver because you've got an aggressive arsewipe standing over you intimidating you over minor things.
Wasps don't fly into fast moving cars generally. They're far more likely to fly in when you're driving slowly to park or stopped in traffic. So it is unlikely to have ever happened at 30mph he's catastrophising.
You were confident with the driving instructor. That's your natural state. The anxiety is because you're constantly being berated for messing up.
Ditch the intimidator and I bet you will suddenly find you can do a bunch of stuff he's telling you you're bad at.

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 03/07/2022 16:16

Bnxybee · 03/07/2022 16:14

This morning he screamed at DS (3) for “not listening”. Basically, DS got all my tampons and pads out my bag and asked what they were. I said they’re “mummy’s nappies” and he laughed his head off then decided to tip them out the box. DH told him to put them back and DS said no (with a cheeky smile). He grabbed the front of his shirt and shouted at him. Before telling me I have no discipline over him. He’s a p!

Oh he's a child abuser as well.
Wow.

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 03/07/2022 16:19

Do you drive a manual or automatic? I would really get an automatic as they are so much easier to drive and will give you much more confidence.

I passed my test nearly 40 years ago in a manual but didn't really drive again until about 15 years ago when I met my husband and he had an automatic because I was too nervous to drive a manual.

Bnxybee · 03/07/2022 16:23

I drive a manual but it’s a bigger car than my previous one.

OP posts:
popcorndiva · 03/07/2022 16:29

Yes I did read her post. She is not confident amd has admitted that. Confident drivers don't hit curbs, but this us mostly about her confidence being eroded by her DH amd her mental health

beautyisthefaceisee · 03/07/2022 16:30

popcorndiva · 03/07/2022 16:29

Yes I did read her post. She is not confident amd has admitted that. Confident drivers don't hit curbs, but this us mostly about her confidence being eroded by her DH amd her mental health

Right so why your response?!

coffeecupsandfairylights · 03/07/2022 16:32

Your DH is abusive if he's grabbing your 3yo and screaming at him. He also abuses you by knocking your confidence.

Please have a good, hard think about your marriage.

popcorndiva · 03/07/2022 16:33

What to suggest driving lessons which would help her confidence???? I was hardly being unsupportive just coming up with a solution. Why are you being argumentative?