Hit DH car

[Bnxybee]

DH and I went out for a drive in my car today which is unusual as we normally go out in his. As I pulled into our drive at about 1mph, a wasp flew into the car and I ducked somehow managing to graze his tyre. There’s no damage to the tyre or even the paintwork but he went ballistic. He basically asked me what I’d have done if I had been driving at 30 on a busy road because most normal people would’ve have hit the brakes. He also reiterated that I hit a curb by a school an hour earlier. He said he’s pissed off he pays insurance for a car I hardly drive and when I do, I make stupid errors.

Just for context, I used to be a very confident driver. These past two years have broken me. I lost my Dad, Gran and Grandad in the space of a year-and-a-half. I gave up a job I loved because of COVID (long story). I had a nervous breakdown during lockdown. Then our landlord decided to sell up and we’ve had to move. I’ve struggled a lot with juggling home and work life and in May, I was finally diagnosed with ADHD. It’s at the forefront of my mind every time I drive but I’ve asked DH to support me with it as it’s not something I want to give up.

Unfortunately, I messed up as per usual and now my confidence is even lower. Overheard my colleagues slagging me off yesterday, too. I feel like my best will never be good enough so why try? I’ve shut myself in my room and now I can’t stop crying. DH is downstairs with DS and he just walked in and sarcastically asked me when I’m going to go downstairs and give him a hand. He knows I’ve been crying!

DH had straight As in school, has a degree, is paid a high salary. He’s a trained football coach for kids.

Yeah but he’s a tosser.

I’ve messed up a lot in my life and it’s come back to bite me. I dropped out of sixth form and college. I’ve jumped from job to job over the years. Its on record that I used cannabis and alcohol a lot as a teenager/in my early twenties. I have no qualifications and I’m in loads of debt. I have diagnosed MH issues and ADHD.

So what? Give yourself a break, no-one’s perfect and you sound like a good mum. I think the bloke you married is eroding your confidence and if your not very careful he will do the same to your DS.
Can you start making plans to leave? Let him try and get custody, bloody horrible man, he can’t hold that over you.
Sort your debt (why is your DH not helping with this?) and start planning…

I suspect that the OP is more likely to make silly errors like hitting a curb when there is someone who is likely to criticise in the car.

He’s made you believe that you are worthless and he’s great.
He’s has made you believe that you can’t cope without him.
He abuses you and your son.

It is that easy.
Protect your son.

No he doesn't, he's the usual type of manspainer who thinks women can't drive.

Ignore him OP. And this poster.

In wasp season, keep the windows closed. And tell your DH not to be so sanctimonious. My goodness you grazed his tyre. Big deal. Why are people so precious about their cars. They are to be used. not polished and left on a pedestal.

You may have a problem with driving- ducking because of a wasp is not a great reaction while driving - but it's is likely going to be solved with a few more lessons and a supportive person in the passenger seat.

You certainly have a dh problem. Living with a wanker is terrible for your mental health.

OP,

This bullying piece of shit has you ground into the ground, please call Womens aid for support.

It's him, not you.

He sounds like a real peach 😱 loads of people ‘kerb’ their car, I’m sorry you are being treated this way.

These past two years have broken me. I lost my Dad, Gran and Grandad in the space of a year-and-a-half.

I'm sorry to hear this but I don't understand what it has to do with your driving ability?

I had to surrender my licence for 12 months due to a medical condition, I have it back now and yes, I has a bit nervous at first. Just practice somewhere quiet without someone jumping down your throat.

He sounds horrible.

@Bnxybee abusive men have a basic script. They all make you feel worthless and they all say they will get custody. He really won't. You are the primary caregiver, he won't actually want full custody anyway he's just using it as a threat. He will do the opposite and dick about with his access to keep some control over you.
start to plan op, you can get yourself and your son away from this abusive arsehole. There's more support than ever now, you can do it.

Shes said it because she is a shell of a woman. Why is everyone being so harsh?

I feel it’s contributed to my anxiety and mental health which has prevented me from driving. Plus I’ve had to declare my ADHD diagnosis to the DVLA and since then I’ve been worried about driving despite it not being an issue before. I practically begged my husband for support as it’s not something I want to lose. Now I’m in a worse state.

He says he won’t apologise for saying what he did as it was valid. There we go.

Being married to a bully is never going to help your confidence grow.

Stay in your room. Ignore your H. He wants you to pretend his unwarranted outburst hasn't hurt you. Don't play that game with him.

And he doesn't stop at abusing you, I see.

Call Women's Aid and ask for their help and support as you deal with an angry and controlling bully.

0808 2000 247.

If word got out that your H had grabbed his son by the shirt and shouted in his face, that would raise serious doubts about his suitability for coaching.

What was happening in your relationship at the time he made his threat to fight you for custody of your son?

@Bnxybee you need a mental and emotional reset. You need to make a decision. You've had a tough time, and you've looked to him for support. Totally understandable. For whatever reason, he can't or won't give it. Now you know that.

So you have to step up, be brave and do this on your own. As you become stronger, he'll have less and less power over you. His power comes because you look to him to help.

Your son needs you to do this. Take on the responsibility for yourself and your son, distance yourself from your husband. You'll find yourself feeling stronger every day, and then you'll be able to protect yourself and your little boy.

Thank you for all your messages.

Been thinking things through a lot. His behaviour yesterday towards both DS and myself was unacceptable. Grabbing DS by his t-shirt for “not listening” and shouting in his face. And then shouting and swearing at me.

There are other issues too. He stays up gaming until early hours. Doesn’t do housework. Used to tell me the only reason he games is because I went to bed at 9 pm and he was so lonely. Last few months I’ve been up ‘til midnight and he’s still upstairs gaming every night. Sounds petty but it’s another example of his bullshit.

This is an excellent point.

OP, talk to your GP, tell them of the abuse.

Tell them that he is involved with childrens coaching but really shouldn't be.

That he is rough and abusive towards you and your son.

That he has threatened you and you are afraid.

I think GP's are mandated people and should report him, without involving you.

He really shouldn't be around children.

Tell your GP that you are in contact with Women's aid for support.

Stop protecting this bully, start protecting yourself and your son.

You both deserve better.

Your husband sounds thoroughly unpleasant and abusive. You really need to seek help from your GP/HV or women's aid.

I've been driving over 35 years and drive a lot. Very confident. I'm always clipping kerbs