Hit DH car

[Bnxybee]

DH and I went out for a drive in my car today which is unusual as we normally go out in his. As I pulled into our drive at about 1mph, a wasp flew into the car and I ducked somehow managing to graze his tyre. There’s no damage to the tyre or even the paintwork but he went ballistic. He basically asked me what I’d have done if I had been driving at 30 on a busy road because most normal people would’ve have hit the brakes. He also reiterated that I hit a curb by a school an hour earlier. He said he’s pissed off he pays insurance for a car I hardly drive and when I do, I make stupid errors.

Just for context, I used to be a very confident driver. These past two years have broken me. I lost my Dad, Gran and Grandad in the space of a year-and-a-half. I gave up a job I loved because of COVID (long story). I had a nervous breakdown during lockdown. Then our landlord decided to sell up and we’ve had to move. I’ve struggled a lot with juggling home and work life and in May, I was finally diagnosed with ADHD. It’s at the forefront of my mind every time I drive but I’ve asked DH to support me with it as it’s not something I want to give up.

Unfortunately, I messed up as per usual and now my confidence is even lower. Overheard my colleagues slagging me off yesterday, too. I feel like my best will never be good enough so why try? I’ve shut myself in my room and now I can’t stop crying. DH is downstairs with DS and he just walked in and sarcastically asked me when I’m going to go downstairs and give him a hand. He knows I’ve been crying!

Confident and competent drivers certainly do hit curbs on occasions. I think everyday is a learning point re driving and that's the only responsible attitude to take to it.
Yesterday I realized my concentration is really affected by Bluetooth calls so I've disabled it.
Difficult as it may be I'd advise the pp to get out driving by themselves. If her DH would usually be the driver he'll be sitting in the passenger seat all tensed up and just waiting to criticize her. The issue with your child is another matter and one I think she needs to tackle immediately.

YABU you can’t keep blaming everyone and anything on your problems.

Hitting something twice is not good but if this hasn’t happened before then forget about it.
If you’re not confident without someone next to you then you need to be going out every day on your own and driving around the block and increasing the distance.

If someone grabbed my child and shouted at them like that, then I would end the relationship there and then.
What did you say when he did that?

So be belittled you, lowers your confidence and flies off the handle over nothing (but I’m sure makes it sounds like it’s your fault). Lots of red flags there OP. Guessing you feel like you’re walking on eggshells sometimes?

Yea I did read the post and I understand that she has lost all confidence. I also understand that accidents happen and a scrape or clipping a kerb may not be a big thing. But ducking when a wasp flies in is more of a big thing and I don't actually believe any of you would be happy letting your dc go in a car with a mil who wasn't confident or ducked if something flew in the car.

I don't disagree as to the reason she has lost all confidence hence saying she needs to rebuild it not just give up.

Please don't give up your car OP. You've had a terrible time and your confidence is low. Difficult times leave an impression on us for a while. The more you give up the less and less you have as skills etc. Try to drive locally on your own for a few minutes regularly and gradually increase it. This will build your confidence. Im more confident driving on my own with no one commentating. Id stop your husband from getting in the car for a while as his presence is doing you no good. Maybe every now and again have top up driving lesson.

Your husband was mean to you today. Im sorry you overheard your work colleagues making comments too. People really don't know what others are going through when they talk about them.

In you shoes today, I'd have a hot bath, a nice dinner and go to bed early to write the day off x

I was thinking, no wonder you're a bag of nerves if you're living with a man who behaves like that. Then I read your post about him grabbing your DC and screaming at him. That poor little boy, he must have been terrified.

OP, the way your H is treating you and your child isn't ok, you both deserve better.

I don't like driving with dh in the car, fine on my own

Yanbu

Your other half is not very nice at all OP.
I completely hear you on everything else - also suffered a mental health breakdown and now don’t drive anymore as ridiculously nervous driving alone. I regret so much that I can’t drive, so try to keep at it if you can … even if you just drive short journeys. Definitely don’t have that man as a passenger, what a moron.

It sounds like he is the problem, he has your nerves shot to pieces and is now starting on your son.

Confident drivers don't hit kerbs? 🤣😂
I'm a very confident driver and as I say I hit the kerb reversing yesterday.
(The car even has panoramic cameras all the way round it 🤭) Some of the most arrogant confident drivers have high speed crashes.
But I agree that OP needs to build up her driving confidence just to make herself feel better and more comfortable driving.
Definitely try and go out on your own OP, put some good tunes on and just drive around the block to start and gradually build up.

But hearing about what your DH did to your DS I'd say you have bigger issues than driving 😢

I'm confident as fuck and I've hit kerbs. Everybody misjudges things sometimes - and I don't have an arsehole husband commenting on my driving.

Your husband is a shit. He intimidates you and abuses his own son. He's the problem here. Hang onto your car, give him one more chance to shape up and behave like a decent partner and decent human being, and if he fails you get rid.

You need to drive more, not less, to improve your confidence ... preferably without your husband there to pounce on you. He'd make Lewis Hamilton nervous. It was an unfortunate reaction to the wasp and in hindsight, maybe you overreacted. But your husband's behaviour is poor. He can't control his anger.

I voted YANBU then changed my vote because I don't understand why your thread isn't about leaving your husband who is abusive to your three year old.

Professional drivers hit curbs. Like the bus I was in yesterday. This isn't about hitting curbs it is about bullying clearly.
I hope you can talk to friends or family in real life OP and get some perspective on your relationship. Your driving is not the problem, your H is.

Phew. I read your title as Hit DH CAT. Car dings and dents are repairable ( a cat not always)
He sounds like he overreacted massively.

I was thinking exactly this! Being treated like this is likely to have a massive impact on your mental health and confidence.

My colleague asked me to pick them up from home at short notice the other week. I also get nervous with passengers, particular the first time and get stressed at last minute changes to plans. I clipped a curb on a tight corner. They were just happy for the lift.

I'd fucking sell him, not the car. Though I doubt you'd get much.

Seriously I would leave him. What he did to the baby is not ok. He's a toddler ffs, you don't do that. It's abuse and so is what he does to you.

My take is that it's not about the wasp in the car and his reaction - that's just the latest example in a long line of crap from your H. My suggestion is that over time he is sapping your confidence. The real question is what do you want to do about it?

You must realise this is no environment for a child?

Leave for your son if you won’t leave for you.

Please call Womens aid for a sympathetic ear.

You sound bullied and abused to me.

An awful environment for your child.

Seek support.

What he did to your son is inexcusable. Please protect your child as well as yourself.

The guy's a total arsehole

Initially, I thought my ADHD was the cause of all my problems but after speaking to friends tonight and reading through your comments, he has played a role. I went away last weekend with DS and a few friends (and their partners). He didn’t want to go but basically texted me accusing me of cheating.

Your anxious because your dh is making you anxious. He should speak to you or your son like that you don't deserve it. Have you considered leaving him?

And to the people telling me to leave him…
it’s not that easy. I’ve messed up a lot in my life and it’s come back to bite me. I dropped out of sixth form and college. I’ve jumped from job to job over the years. Its on record that I used cannabis and alcohol a lot as a teenager/in my early twenties. I have no qualifications and I’m in loads of debt. I have diagnosed MH issues and ADHD. I was an inpatient for three days last year where I expressed suicidal thoughts and doubts I could be a good mum.

DH had straight As in school, has a degree, is paid a high salary. He’s a trained football coach for kids. He told me a few years back that if I left he would fight me for custody! He’s never had so much as a parking ticket.

I just feel broken. He has blamed me for his anxiety and MH issues. I feel backed into a corner!