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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dog ban

77 replies

tootoasty · 03/07/2022 10:48

Brief context:
Adult Ds has been living at gfs parents. They have a dog, as do we. Similar sizes and breeds. Always bring dog round, we allow dog access all areas, just as we do our dog. Have had issues of it weeing on carpet and stuff but always just shrugged it off as dogs will be dogs.
They have now moved into own home and have said no dogs (other than their dog) allowed in home. They've not really given a reason, just the rule.

Need some opinions on this.

I'm not bothered. I'm of the thought, their home their rules. To be honest, I've never taken my dog to any one's house anyway.

However my DH is fuming. Says it's double standards and is annoyed that they'll still expect to bring their dog here. This morning, pissed off, he's told them fine, but don't bring your dog back here again.

I think he's being over the top and risking a fall out but friends think he's completely right.

What's Mumsnets thoughts

OP posts:
balalake · 03/07/2022 10:50

Their house, their rules, though they should expect fewer visits. Just as it's your house your rules.

BertieQueen · 03/07/2022 10:50

I wouldn’t cause a massive argument over it but your husband is right, I wouldn’t let their dog back in your house especially as their dog doesn’t sound house trained.

Littlebirdyouaresosweet · 03/07/2022 10:50

They are Cfers imo. Tell them you have followed their lead and are now also a Your Ddog Only house

AllFreeOwls · 03/07/2022 11:21

I agree with your husband's sentiment here. As their dog doesn't sound completely house trained I wouldn't be letting it in my house. They can't rely argue if they are going to enforce the same rule.

savemeagin · 03/07/2022 11:32

I'm sorry but I'm with your DH on this. Petty I know, but I'd do exactly what DH has done.

Notanotherwindow · 03/07/2022 11:37

I think he's right. They value their home more than yours, it's cheeky. But then I wouldn't be having an unhousetrained dog in my house in the first place. Dogs may be dogs but they are easily trained not to wee inside. It is the first thing they should be taught as a puppy. It's just disrespectful not to if you intend to take them into other people's houses.

SalmonEile · 03/07/2022 11:37

Did you (or DH) ask them why?
maybe their dog is territorial at home?
it seems odd for them not to give a reason , maybe they plan on only letting their dog have access to some parts of the house ?
if you never bring your dog to other peoples houses anyway it seems odd that this even came up in conversation

Original poster
tootoasty · 03/07/2022 11:40

SalmonEile · 03/07/2022 11:37

Did you (or DH) ask them why?
maybe their dog is territorial at home?
it seems odd for them not to give a reason , maybe they plan on only letting their dog have access to some parts of the house ?
if you never bring your dog to other peoples houses anyway it seems odd that this even came up in conversation

This morning conversation allergies and new carpets were mentioned.
Not sure where the allergies idea has come from, as I said before, the two dogs are similar breeds.

I get the new carpet thing, but the chair their dog pee'd up once was a new chair so Hmm

As for how the conversation came up.. they just told us. Hi mum and dad. You're dog can not come round, our rule is no dogs.

And yea, their dog goes everywhere I. Their home.

OP posts:
Freddiefox · 03/07/2022 11:40

Tells you what you need to know about them and how they value your home, but it’s their choice and not worth risky the fall out.
unless they live a long way away

Ncwinc · 03/07/2022 11:42

Is it a sofa thing? Do you let your dog up on the furniture and they don’t? On the surface it is an odd thing to do without any explanation.

Original poster
tootoasty · 03/07/2022 11:42

Freddiefox · 03/07/2022 11:40

Tells you what you need to know about them and how they value your home, but it’s their choice and not worth risky the fall out.
unless they live a long way away

I must say, I did wonder this. Said to friends, maybe they're insinuating I have a mucky home Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
tootoasty · 03/07/2022 11:44

Ncwinc · 03/07/2022 11:42

Is it a sofa thing? Do you let your dog up on the furniture and they don’t? On the surface it is an odd thing to do without any explanation.

We let our dog and their dog on sofas...everywhere

They let their dog on sofa and everywhere!!

It's completely their prerogative to do what they want in their home, just wondered if now banning their dog was silly if we've always let it in before x

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 03/07/2022 11:44

I’m with your husband , if your dog isn’t welcome there then their dog isn’t welcome at yours .

Mally100 · 03/07/2022 11:45

With your dh on this. CF's.

SmileyPiuPiu · 03/07/2022 11:45

No I think its absolutely fine for them to set their rules and for you to set your rules. You are perfectly reasonable to say "ah yes we have decided to adopt the same rule here"

Ncwinc · 03/07/2022 11:47

That is odd. There’s no chance that your dog is a bit whiffy to them is there? I know some people who wash their dogs (too) frequently and prefer them to smell of shampoo.

Original poster
tootoasty · 03/07/2022 11:47

Okay, I'm feeling a bit better hearing from others.

My husband thinks I'm being too soft. I do think it's double standards but just don't care enough to do anything about it.

Him banning their dog has totally pissed the gf off and I'm of the thought she may distance herself a bit, but DH said he's not bothered!

OP posts:
SmileyPiuPiu · 03/07/2022 11:49

tootoasty · 03/07/2022 11:47

Okay, I'm feeling a bit better hearing from others.

My husband thinks I'm being too soft. I do think it's double standards but just don't care enough to do anything about it.

Him banning their dog has totally pissed the gf off and I'm of the thought she may distance herself a bit, but DH said he's not bothered!

Your house your rules. Blame the carpet or something.

Original poster
tootoasty · 03/07/2022 11:49

Ncwinc · 03/07/2022 11:47

That is odd. There’s no chance that your dog is a bit whiffy to them is there? I know some people who wash their dogs (too) frequently and prefer them to smell of shampoo.

Their dog does go to the groomers 6 weekly whilst ours gets a home hair cut here, so maybe. My dog is much livelier than theirs too.

But I think it's the overall point of us putting up with theirs and them not being prepared to do the same that has annoyed DH

OP posts:
LilianLenton · 03/07/2022 11:51

Either dogs are welcome to visit, or they aren’t. Their dog sounds poorly house trained, I suspect they’ll change their mind eventually, if they can’t take it places, & arrive home to find it wees all over the house every time they leave.

Ncwinc · 03/07/2022 11:53

I’d be annoyed but just seethe quietly about it. I’m sure I said and didn’t lots of daft thoughtless things to my parents and ILs when I was younger. If she’s over 30 I’m totally with your DH though Grin

BMW6 · 03/07/2022 11:55

I'm also with your DH on this one. It should be reciprocal. They ought to learn a valuable life lesson from this!

Mally100 · 03/07/2022 11:55

So what if the gf is pissed off, she brought her dog into your home and you and dh welcomed it. I would be disappointed and angry with the ds though, surely your dog is the family pet and he just turned on the dog in a second.

Original poster
tootoasty · 03/07/2022 11:57

Ncwinc · 03/07/2022 11:53

I’d be annoyed but just seethe quietly about it. I’m sure I said and didn’t lots of daft thoughtless things to my parents and ILs when I was younger. If she’s over 30 I’m totally with your DH though Grin

I was definitely prepared to main to my friends but put up with it! My DH has a shorter fuse and louder mouth!

Apparently now, the dog is allowed in their kitchen only. Dh has said that as we have an open plan home and the dogs can't be separated from kitchen and front room areas in our home we will stick to them not bringing their dog here, and us not taking ours there.

Im over it all now!

OP posts:
Freddiefox · 03/07/2022 11:57

tootoasty · 03/07/2022 11:47

Okay, I'm feeling a bit better hearing from others.

My husband thinks I'm being too soft. I do think it's double standards but just don't care enough to do anything about it.

Him banning their dog has totally pissed the gf off and I'm of the thought she may distance herself a bit, but DH said he's not bothered!

These things have a way of steam rolling, just don’t add the the flames.
what’s the point.
mot really is there choice, and it’s your choice to have their dog round. You don’t get to set the rules just because you had a house first. Just write it off as ds and gf are twats.