Dog ban

[tootoasty]

Brief context:
Adult Ds has been living at gfs parents. They have a dog, as do we. Similar sizes and breeds. Always bring dog round, we allow dog access all areas, just as we do our dog. Have had issues of it weeing on carpet and stuff but always just shrugged it off as dogs will be dogs.
They have now moved into own home and have said no dogs (other than their dog) allowed in home. They've not really given a reason, just the rule.

Need some opinions on this.

I'm not bothered. I'm of the thought, their home their rules. To be honest, I've never taken my dog to any one's house anyway.

However my DH is fuming. Says it's double standards and is annoyed that they'll still expect to bring their dog here. This morning, pissed off, he's told them fine, but don't bring your dog back here again.

I think he's being over the top and risking a fall out but friends think he's completely right.

What's Mumsnets thoughts

Your dh also sounds like a bit difficult too

I am surprised. Gf in particular has always been very warm and loving to our dogs. The dogs also get on well. We often have their dog and look after it when they go off for the day. Looks like they've burned that bridge and I know my DH won't budge an inch on this!

Feel like DS is just doing as told. Probably what's really pissed DH off

And yes. My DH is a stubborn Mule.

Well, it's their house, their rules.

But I'm really surprised you let them bring the dog back after it peed up a chair in your living room.

Yeah I'm with your dh. They are CFs!

Suppose I was just keeping peace and harmony.

It's fine to change your mind though, say something like ah yes we were thinking about that too after the dog pee incident, let's just keep our dogs out of each others houses. It doesn't have to be a big deal.

I agree, it doesn't have to be a big deal and hoping it isn't.

Though the gf has just left the group chat so I'm assuming it is for her

Oh dear..

I'm team DH. You've been really accommodating of their dog, and you doggy sit for them! Bit silly of them of them to start an issue here.

To clarify, the conversation hasn't happened over a group chat. It was a series of phone calls with dh and ds.

We have a group chat for fun stuff and she left that xx

Your DH is in the right here, better to set boundaries from the off about which demands you are prepared to put up with as it sets a precedent for other issues down the line.

I would imagine it's a decision they'll probably regret when they want their dog looking after when they go away.

I'm starting to see that now.
Suppose I just didn't want to start any issues so was prepared to just turn blind eye.

People get really precious over dogs!

She should have thought it through before she decided to ban your dog from their house, then.

I think you need to find out the real reasons why here. Is your dog fully toilet trained? Does it jump on beds / sofas etc when theirs doesn't? Does it constantly bark?
However if their dog is now only allowed in their kitchen, and you are no longer available to look after it when they go out etc, it looks like they may rehome their dog soon anyway. I'm totally on your husbands side, but I would be trying to be the peace keeper and not involve yourself to much in the fall out, whilst respecting DH's decision.

Your DH is right here. You have accommodated them loads and you could've doggy sat for each other when the other is on holiday or whatever else but as it stands now that can't happen.

Their dog is allowed everywhere in their house.

If we take ours round, it will have to stay in the kitchen. ( presumably whist there's looks on from the sofa!!)

Theirs has always been on our sofas and rugs. He even eats our dogs food and chews his toys to bits.

Both dogs are similar in temperament. Mine is older but livelier . Mine has never pissed up my chair or on my carpets

I think it's precious first house syndrome. And as I said, I respect their rules.
Dh just can't stand the double standards:

I've yet to find out if it's a blanket dog ban. Her mum and friends have dogs so if they're also banned maybe it'll feel less offensive.

Nothing has changed at your house, yet you are proposing to introduce a new rule, solely as a petty bit of retribution.
Difference for DS is they have now moved into their own home, unlike when they were staying at someone else's house and followed their rules.
Their situation has changed, yours hasn't yet your husband is having a tantrum and acting like a teenager.

She sounds like a diva - she's pissed off about something that she is also doing?

I wouldn't stoke the flames, but I would impose the same rules - no dog visits either way. Your stuff, whether new or not, is not less important than hers.

I'm another one who's with DH. They're being hypocrites, they can bring their dog to your house but you can't bring your dog to their house? Nope! Fair's fair. Let the gf sulk, they've cut off their nose to spite their face.

I don’t see how the gf can be pissed off when she implemented the rule first! I’d just call her out on that “we’ve agreed your rule makes sense and will do the same”.

As said, I'm not hugely bothered about having the dog here but respect my DH opinion and do understand his logic. It's not really a tantrum.

I thought more people would say just let the dog round, like you and I .

It seems not.

Sulkings a great Description!

Why would you want your dog to go there? Or their dog to come over? I love my own pets not so bothered about other peoples. I think ds and gf have stsrted this habit and they have never been that keen on it. I don't think it is an inault to your dog or your home.

If you are happy to have their dog over then continue, if you would also like to establish new boundaries on this then ban their dog coming over.

I suppose they always brought their dog here because they lived other side of town. Never really thought about it, it just always arrived with them.

My dog going to theirs is a moot point as I've said before I don't take my dog to others house.

For my DH think it's more the principle