Kids party whose BU - me or husband?

[CookieMonsterMummy]

Our eldest party coming up. Primary school age. DH and myself have had a disagreement about the guest list. Bear in mind this is the first party we are doing due to previous disagreements which led me to just not have a party and just have a family day out instead. So this is her first ever party. I’ve invited the whole class.

Disagreement is he wants to invite both his sisters and nephews/nieces to DD’s birthday which is being held in a soft play type area. They are 23, 20 and 14. At a push the 14 year old may be able to come but not the 23and 20 year old! DH has been fighting with me that it’s his “bloody money” and he can invite who he wants and I’m not allowed to invite my nephews and nieces who my kids actually play with. My side of the family are the following ages:

Sister 1- 5, 7 and 10 (I’ve invited)
Sister 2 - 16 and 19 (NOT invited)

I don’t wan’t to drip feed so here’s some background:

1). My kids play with sister 1 and sister 2 kids and FaceTime at least weekly. My kids have no clue about DH’s nephew and nieces as they don’t bother with us. When DD was born sister-in-laws and their kids didn’t come to see her till she was one years old.

2. I have NEVER attended sister-in-laws kids parties in the many years of marriage as they have never invited me. They use to invite DH before our marriage but after I came into the picture they stopped and excuse was that we didn’t have kids which I understood but still they could have been a little more welcoming of me into their family.

3). they constantly bitch about me to MIL and vice Versa. They make up loads of crap that is laughable.

4). they are really cold to DH But for some reason he doesn’t see it. They have get togethers and don’t invite him. I know because the MIL “accidentally on purpose” drops little hints. I know it makes him feel crappy

Get on to Women's aid for support and advice.

You and your children are in a controlling, abusive relationship.

Forget about the party and start focusing on protecting your children from this abusive environment.

Talk to your GP too.

.......and get back to work as soon as you can.

Your marriage is shit. What a ridiculous way to live.

Geez, OP, your husband sounds like a total dick. He's being completely unreasonable about your kid's party but, as others have suggested, to keep the peace, let him invite who he wants - I can't imagine any teen or 20-something wanting to go to soft play and just stand around waiting for 30 screaming kids to shove down a wad of cake after 45mins of running around. (It should go without saying, but I'll say it anyway, of course you should invite your nieces and nephews!)

On a more important note - do NOT let your husband separate you from your family. See them more often, invite them to the house, go to visit them; keep them actively in your and your child's life. Separating women from their support network (usually slowly, over a period of time, so you don't really notice they're doing it until it's too late) is a tactic of abusive men.

In this situation, I would have a soft play party for friends/relatives of similar age to birthday child and a small family get together with cake at home at tea time.

No adult really wants to go to soft play if they don't have to and as a 20 or even 14 year old I couldn't think of anything worse than a room full of screaming sweaty kids! 😂 but family doing presents and cake is suitable for everyone

Let him invite them! Because I promise, they'll think he's weird as fuck for doing so! The 23 and 20 year old MIGHT have come if they were close with the birthday kid, and it was dressed up in "we could do with a few more adult pairs of hands to help dish out the food etc". But "invited" as in "come and play at a soft-play with us?!" They'll laugh themselves silly, and the 14 year old wouldn't be seen dead there in any circumstances.

But, in all honesty, you don't have a "birthday party problem", you have a massive DH problem. He sounds abusive in so many ways.

But the older ones wouldn't be going to play on the equipment

They'd just be like any of the other adults there supervising. All soft plays allow this.

Well he can invite who he likes over the age of 12 I suppose? They'll just hang around with the other adults. But he should also invite your younger nieces and nephews who can actually enjoy the party. And don't forget youre looking after the baby so saving on childcare, just cos your not earning doesn't mean he gets the final say.