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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think eating disorders can't start in adulthood?

60 replies

crushedveener · 02/07/2022 23:55

MY daughter is 30, she is no longer eating. She has an 8 year old daughter herself, she is setting such a bad example.

All she will eat is carrot batons and hummus. She has lost 3 stone and looks like skin and bones.

Dietician isn't interested unless she reaches a certain weight.

Apparently she has 'anorexia' however never struggled with her eating during her childhood/teenage years. I feel so sick to my stomach but also, is it even possible to develop anorexia at the age of 30?

OP posts:

FilePhoto · 02/07/2022 23:57

Of course it is, as your DD has shown. Why do you think it isn't?

Ballcactus · 02/07/2022 23:57

Of course, it’s possible at any age. I would do some research to support her and find her help

SpittinKitten · 02/07/2022 23:57

Yes.

UmbrellaSparrow · 02/07/2022 23:58

I mean this in the nicest possible way, please do some research & educate yourself then support her appropriately. I really hope you haven't approached your daughter with the same attitude you have here.

ThankYouStavros · 02/07/2022 23:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PurpleMarie · 02/07/2022 23:59

Why the fuck wouldn't you believe your own daughter?

Yes, it's possible.

SouperNoodle · 03/07/2022 00:00

Anorexia is a mental illness and just like any other illness, can happen at any age.
You are very poorly informed about it and your viewpoint could be severely damaging.
Educate yourself and then find the best way to support your daughter.

FusionChefGeoff · 03/07/2022 00:00

This is a horrific and powerful mental illness that can develop at any time.

Your daughter needs your love and support to try to recover.

PurpleMarie · 03/07/2022 00:00

Also this - "Dietician isn't interested unless she reaches a certain weight." is bullshit. Morbidly obese people can have anorexia and it can be deadly.

Advocate for your daughter instead of disbelieving her.

TabithaTittlemouse · 03/07/2022 00:02

You think your daughter is not eating for fun?

I feel for your daughter.

misssunshine4040 · 03/07/2022 00:02

You sound angry with your daughter and dismissing her condition.
Anorexia is a complex mental health issue, for example controlling your eating when you have no control over other areas in life.

She will not be purposely setting a bd example to her DD.

SocksAndTheCity · 03/07/2022 00:04

Why have you put the word anorexia in inverted commas? Do you think it's really just a made up illness for people who took dieting a bit too far, or are you not quite that ignorant and ill informed?

Aquamarine1029 · 03/07/2022 00:06

Your poor daughter. Her own mother dismisses her.

Scottishskifun · 03/07/2022 00:06

Eating disorders can start at any age they are a mental health condition just because more is known about them for teenagers doesn't mean they don't happen at any age!

Maybe talk to your daughter see if there was a trigger point.
I lost a lot of weight very quickly in my mid 20s it was about the only thing I had control on my life over at the time and was 7.5 stone at 5 ft 6 it was massively unhealthy.
I hope tour daughter gets help foe go's sake don't tell her just to eat something speak to her properly

Bakedpotatoesfortea · 03/07/2022 00:38

I managed to get through my teens and early 20s with no real food or weight issues, only to develop body dysmorphia and bulimia in my late 20s following an abusive relationship and having kids. I still struggle with binge eating and am in ED recovery now. My body dysmorphia has got considerably worse, however. It kind of snuck up on me, I would never have believed the issues I would have when I was younger. My Mum had an ED and I swore I would never let 'silly' things like body weight and food get the better of me. Which made it very easy to cultivate the shame that fuels my binge/purge cycles.

TirednExhausted · 03/07/2022 00:59

My ED started at 31. It is under control for the most part now, although I still struggle with occasional binges and purges.
@Bakedpotatoesfortea same to a lot of what you wrote. Hopefully we will both be able to get off that cycle for good soon.

Stompythedinosaur · 03/07/2022 01:15

Of course they can.

That's like saying you can't break your leg in adulthood.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 03/07/2022 01:19

Eating disorders can start at any age.

What started the change? Has she lost weight from dieting and gone to far? Any recent trauma in her life?

EmeraldShamrock1 · 03/07/2022 01:22

Morbidly obese people can have anorexia and it can be deadly.
I think you have to reach the low level bmi before being diagnosed or drastic starvation.
I don't think a morbidly obese person would be diagnosed with aneroxia, disorderly eating maybe?

Penfelyn · 03/07/2022 01:52

Is she really anorexic though ? Or is she on a diet ? If she lost three stones she may have been severely overweight to begin with.

My mother (who used to tell me I needed to lose weight - and she was right) started telling me I was anorexic (in a pretty nasty, snooty tone too). I wasn't, I did lose the excess weight I had but then stabilised at a healthy weight and never went below that. I suspect she was just annoyed that I was no longer overweight while she had piled on the weight (even though I never commented on her weight).

So yeah I'm taking this one with a grain of salt, and I'm not surprised the dietician isn't interested. Not everyone who loses weight is anorexic. And OP sounds more worried about the "exemple" she is setting than about her daughter.

Unless the daughter is the one who said she has anorexia and isn't eating - the OP doesn't make that clear. But if that's the case then she's self-aware enough to be looking for help, I should think. If that's the case then of course the OP should support her in any way she can.

And yes, of course it's possible to develop anorexia (or any other disorder) at any point in your life.

allboysherebutme · 03/07/2022 02:03

Of course it's possible to get an eating disorder at anytime, the stresses of life can trigger anything.

VladmirsPoutine · 03/07/2022 07:20

The stress! Yes eating disorders can begin at any age and I hope they are taken more seriously than when I was younger. My best friend was anorexic and her parents would scream at her to "just eat." It's worth looking at how your daughter is coping or isn't more generally with life.

Vallmo47 · 03/07/2022 07:25

OP you come across really cold and heartless. Yes it’s possible to develop anything at any age. This reminds me of a convo with my mil who was saying how blessed she is to have all healthy grandchildren. She was pretty stunned when I had a psychotic breakdown age 34 because I’d been “so normal” beforehand. Never ever ever take health for granted, physical and mental.

PinkBuffalo · 03/07/2022 07:27

Eating disorders do not discriminate anyone of any age can suffer
stress is a common trigger

anybloodyname · 03/07/2022 07:30

OP - your daughter is ill, please show her kindness patience and understanding

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