To think eating disorders can't start in adulthood?

[crushedveener]

MY daughter is 30, she is no longer eating. She has an 8 year old daughter herself, she is setting such a bad example.

All she will eat is carrot batons and hummus. She has lost 3 stone and looks like skin and bones.

Dietician isn't interested unless she reaches a certain weight.

Apparently she has 'anorexia' however never struggled with her eating during her childhood/teenage years. I feel so sick to my stomach but also, is it even possible to develop anorexia at the age of 30?

You're seeing it with your own eyes. How would you describe this disordered eating?

OP, I don’t know whether this is you struggling with denial and coming to terms with your adult child experiencing a serious health issue? Or whether you actually don’t understand that mental health issues, such as eating disorders can strike at any age, just like many physical illnesses? I would suggest that you do a little bit of reading on the to help understand how to support your daughter better.

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/advice-for-life-situations-and-events/how-to-help-someone-with-eating-disorder/

I know you are worried about your grandchild and the effect it is having but please know that applying guilt, shame and anger to your daughter will not help. It will likely make it worse.

Eating disorders aren’t a childhood problem, it’s a mental health issue and anyone can develop an eating disorder at any age.
I hope you are being sympathetic to your daughter, she isn’t purposely setting a bad example to your granddaughter, she is clearly struggling and needs help.

Well, I developed bulimia after having my first child and my mother kept commenting about how I had not lost the baby weight yet.

I was 38.

Now I just slalom between extreme calorie counting and binge eating. Also clear disorders. I'm 50.

I became bulimic in my 20s. I was overweight and had an illness where I was being sick quite a lot after food, this lasted a couple of months and I lost a bit of weight.
it triggered something in me and when this illness stopped, I started making myself vomit after food.

Im in my 40s now the bulimia is still lingering although nothing like it was.

You are completely wrong. Shake your head and wake up to reality.

There are academic studies conducted decades ago which show that as soon as you restrict calories people's thinking changes. Soldiers were put on restricted diets and developed anorexia.

I think you are badly letting your daughter down.

You sound really worried. If you don’t think it’s anorexia, are you worried it’s another illness?
Did your daughter have previous disordered eating eg over eating or bulimia?
Others have suggested recent possible stressors?
Some services are weight dependent- but that does not mean there will not be a service available for her? Perhaps she told you the dietitian will not see her as she doesn’t want the help - due to the nature of anorexia itself.

I am sure there will be some eating disorder charities that might provide carer support? That might help you in how to support your daughter?

Of course they can. I had anorexia in my 20s and was an inpatient for months. There were a few ladies in their 50s/60s on the ward who had developed anorexia in middle age. There were also a couple who had developed it in their 30s/40s, both with youngish children.
To correct a couple of misconceptions on this thread-
The NHS eating disorders services are so stretched, if you mean a specialist eating disorders dietician that sounds about right, they are so full you don't make it onto their list until you are seriously, seriously ill and underweight, by which point recovery is much less likely and much harder.
You can't technically be a normal weight or overweight and have anorexia, one of the diagnostic criteria (in adults) is to have a BMI below 17.5 intentionally. That doesn't mean you can't have equally serious eating disorders and weigh more that have anorexic type thinking.
OP, the BEAT website is a good place to start, I'm sure they have resources for families. It's hard to get your head round as a parent, no matter how old your child.

I see you are worried about your grandchild - the best thing you can do as a family is not make comments like 'mummy is so silly not eating' but instead just model good eating habits yourself, and get her dad to as well if he is on the scene, and explain that mummy sometimes eats different things because she is poorly but the doctors are going to make her better. That will be plenty of explanation, and at 8 that will make sense.

Not eating is a form of control (from my experience) ie like she doesn't feel incontrol of her life so she is controlling the only thing she can control - her eating.

Yes they can, absolutely.

You have been given a lot of negative comments but the fact you are looking for more information is a positive thing so don't beat yourself up and just continue to focus on educating yourself on how you can help your daughter.

I had anorexia in my 30s.

And for those who think it's wrong to suggest that Medical professionals won't deal with it until a certain weight, then you are wrong on the whole. Anorexia has certain diagnostic criteria and being under a certain weight/bmi is one and the most important ones, so while obese people can have disordered eating (and often do) they are not clinically anorexic.

Anyway, as PPs have said of course she could have anorexia. I would suggest you start taking it seriously and learn more about it as it's the most lethal mental illness of all- having the highest mortality rate.

She won't get better without support and not until she's ready to accept that help.

I developed an eating disorder that reached its peak around 22 years old. It happens and your daughter will need your support.

What a horrible OP.

Eating disorders can develop at any age. I remember watching a documentary about anorexia once and they said it was surprisingly common for women in their 40's and 50's to develop anorexia and bulimia.

There was also that "Supersize vs Superskinny" show who did a few studies on anorexia and quite a few of the participants only developed problems once they'd had children of their own.

I'm afraid they absolutely can. They are a mental health condition and can start at any time in life I'm afraid.

My Mum had an ED and I swore I would never let 'silly' things like body weight and food get the better of me

Apparently there’s a genetic predisposition towards getting them.

I had good going anorexia in my mid teens but in the context of academically very high achieving, perfectionist, plus I had a poor relationship with my mother. After I left home within 18 months I was fine, and have been ever since.

A few years ago, during covid lock-down DD became restrictive and had rules about food. She was/is naturally very slim. I spoke to a psychiatrist who specialises in eating disorders about it and we debated whether it was the beginnings of an ED or an anxiety manifestation in a child with perfectionism. However, when I told him I’d had one too, he decided it was prob the beginnings of an eating disorder, because apparently there’s a genetic component to it.

I disagreed and said that, for me, it’d just been a stress response to a difficult home life, but he said that the point was that my reaction to stress and conflict was to stop eating, rather than say, develop depression or self-harm.

Anyway, we were lucky to see a ED specialised psychologist pretty much immediately (privately, we’re in Australia) and 2 years later she’s fine, although there was a hard six months or so when we had to be insistent about portions and the like.

Jesus. You're not unreasonable just incorrect!

@Mamansparkles you are wrong about the low BMI - that is an outdated diagnostic criteria and dangerous misinformation (sorry)

Mental illness can develop at any age. Why do you think anorexia can only develop in childhood/adolescence?

I started with bulimia in my late 30s and still have it now in my 40s, it completely takes over your life so please support her and don’t judge her, as like me it’s probably the only thing in her life that she can control

OP, I think you are getting a hard time here when to me the underlying tone of your post is more fearful than anything else - fear for your daughter and your grand- daughter - I hear denial, and perhaps that you have been watching this situation with a sense of disbelief and growing frustration.

If a dietician “isn’t interested” yet you can see the problem, and you are of a generation that defers to “medical authority” this contributes to confusion too. Also, with so many manifestations of mental distress there is the suspicion of attention seeking and those around the sufferer, when they love them, want it all to just stop and for things to be normal, that they should just be able to “snap out of it”.

Unfortunately, as others have said, eating disorders are usually a sign of needing to feel in control of perhaps one thing in their lives, often triggered by stress and / or trauma. Or perhaps the praise for achieving the socially prized goal of weight loss is filling an unmet need that has been going on for years and without it your daughter may lose newly found self-esteem. There are dozens of reasons that need to be supportively explored, but making her feel bad by saying she’s a bad example to her daughter is not going to help - it will increase feelings of shame and self loathing and perpetuate the problem.

I think you do want to help, so focus on the why to start with, and it will likely take a while.

I was bulimic from 17 to 42 - almost intermittently and my worst periods were during stress and abusive relationships when I felt nothing was in my control. In my 50s now, and have probably what is called disordered eating but no longer purge. I could easily become anorexic but I just shovel in fuel when I remember and try not to think about it otherwise.

I wish you and your daughter strength going forward - use this as an opportunity to solidify your relationship not chip away at it. Fear leads to anger and denial - try to move past that for your daughter’s sake.

Your daughter isn't eating. What other explanation is there?

@ToastedBunny nope, not quite although you're right that they have removed the exact BMI to fall under in DSM-V (GPs still tend to use it though!). However, there is still the criterium that the patient is 'significantly below minimal expected weight'.
You can have EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified) with an 'atypical anorexia' subtype at a higher weight which is probably what you are thinking of.
Technically, however, anorexia nervosa does mean underweight - but it doesn't mean there aren't very serious eating disorders that don't put the patient underweight.
However, it is irrelevant for the OP because her DD has been diagnosed with anorexia.

Contact BEAT - they will have age appropriate advice to help your grand daughter.

What a stupid question, of course it is possible. Do you think your daughter is doing this for fun? You sound heartless.