To think eating disorders can't start in adulthood?

[crushedveener]

MY daughter is 30, she is no longer eating. She has an 8 year old daughter herself, she is setting such a bad example.

All she will eat is carrot batons and hummus. She has lost 3 stone and looks like skin and bones.

Dietician isn't interested unless she reaches a certain weight.

Apparently she has 'anorexia' however never struggled with her eating during her childhood/teenage years. I feel so sick to my stomach but also, is it even possible to develop anorexia at the age of 30?

I'm sorry you're going through this OP it sounds very stressful.

Unfortunately eating disorders, like any mental health issues, can spring up at any point in life. Most usually following a stressful or difficult time, however, this is not always the case.

Has she exhibited any precursors? What about yourself? Do eating disorders/mental illness run in the family? Does she acknowledge the help she needs?

@Bakedpotatoesfortea I am so so sorry you’re going through this. I managed to get through anorexia in my mid 20s but bulimia soon followed & I was able to get through that too, but the binge eating was the hardest thing of all, it’s so hard. I’m at a stage many years on where I feel I won’t be cured but mostly I can keep it controlled but it’s the hardest & it does still sometimes come back for a bit. It felt like the sickest joke ever to go from an eating disorder where I had extreme control to one where I was completely out of control & the more I tried to regulate what I ate, the worse it was. I could start every day with the intention of sensible meals & snacks & next thing you know I’d have eaten a weeks worth of food. I have never felt so low or unhappy as those years. It was mentally & physically painful, I would not wish binge eating disorder or dysmorphia on my worst enemy. Nobody would ever know, people are so complimentary about how ‘slim’ I am & how nice it must be, but it just means when I am in a binge phase I’m too ashamed to see anyone in case they’re thinking I’ve turned into a right dumpling. But I would never think this way of anyone else & I’m sure they wouldn’t think it of me. It’s a really lonely stressful illness.
Both my parents had eating disorders when I was young which I was unaware of at the time, (they were divorced when I was very little) one has swapped binge eating for binge drinking & the other had a gastric bypass & is living the best life (I hope) I do wonder if it’s hereditary sometimes.

...Are you suggesting she's faking it?

As a starting point could you encourage her to get her iron checked?

A craving for carrots could be a sign of severe anaemia. I have known a couple of people craving the crunch of carrots due to anaemia.

But as everyone else says, an Eating Disorder can start at any time.

Of course it’s possible for eating disorders to start in adulthood. Why on earth would you imagine otherwise?

Of course it is! Do you think your dd is happy like this? Please show her some compassion. She needs to see a doctor urgently.

@Mamansparkles cheers. I’ll tell myDD shall I ? She’ll be intrigued to know she was misdiagnosed . So glad you set us straight.

Do you know how dangerous it is to tell people with EDs that they are not ‘thin enough’ for anorexia? How dare you ‘nope’ me. The BMI issue is out of date as far as diagnostic criteria go , even if GPS are citing it (wrongly). You concede this but still ‘nope’ me. ..unbelievable.

I believe the pandemic has had a massive impact on this, as have probably the economic crisis and the stresses of home schooling/the uncertainty of kid's education being up and down (and worrying about that).

It is a huge potential stressor. Plus it sounds like DD is coping with this on her own (single parent?). She is an absolute star for holding it all down, but it sounds like this is not understood.

Rates of eating disorders went up in recent years by fifty per cent I understand.

How many stories in the media do we have about parents not eating to feed their kids? Finances are surely also an issue...?

Of course it's possible! It happened to me, twice.

Had my first bout of it at 25, and my second at 32. My run-in with it at 32 was the worst one, I was getting really ill. Both times it was triggered by stress.

Anorexia can present at any age so yes YABBU to think that. It's also very, very harmful to tell someone with an eating disorder that they aren't thin enough to have said eating disorder - I struggled enormously with eating and calorie counting and the lowest weight I achieved was 6st9 (I'm 4ft 11 so this was still within the healthy BMI range). This made me feel like I was weak and led to me hating myself even more even though I was surviving on a packet of quavers and energy drinks each day! People with eating disorders don't always look the way you expect, that doesn't mean what they are doing isn't harmful, or that they aren't struggling. Your daughter needs love and support right now, and so does your granddaughter who needs to understand that her mum is ill not be told that her mum is just making silly choices.