For taking an outfit into school for mufti day when I forgot?

[WhatsHoppening]

DD is in reception. Turned up today and it was a mufti (free dress) day and I had forgotten. DD was a bit tearful but alright. On the walk home I decided to drop in a home clothes outfit so she wasn’t left out all day (2 min detour from my planned morning shop). I haven’t seen her yet but I know she will be happy to wear her own clothes.
Was chatting to my friend over coffee and told her about my forgetfulness and she called me a melt and a pushover and said I was spoiling DD. If it had been a working day I wouldn’t have bought a spare outfit as I’d be dashing to work but it was minimal effort on my part and I know DD would appreciate it. Now I feel really silly and I’m worried the reception staff will think I’m weird for doing that. So

YABU it was a mistake she would have got over it and learnt I’m not perfect etc
YANBU she’s 5 and for a small effort she is now happier all day

Your friend is a twat, on this at least

But hang on - 'mufti day'? I've literally never heard this phrase, I absolutely know what dress-dowd day is, I've just never heard 'mufti'

I would 100% have done the same thing to make my child feel comfortable and included. Hardly spoiling them to stop them feeling left out!

This makes me feel sorry for your friend's children. They can't be responsible for remembering these things in reception, we are. So if I did forget for any reason, I would try to make up for it and do exactly the same. It is a kind thing to do and does not spoil anyone.

There are parents every day dropping off forgotten things to school reception, library books, readers, hats, bottles. All things strictly speaking they could do without for a day. If you were late for work or an appointment it they should do without. Given you had the time there's no harm in doing it. Sometimes if I'm talking to DC about things like being considerate of others I'd bring this up as an example of how some times you can do something that doesn't cost you much but means another person has a better day. I don't want my DC to be pushovers but equally don't want them to be considering no one beyond themselves. There's a balance between those two things, you're modelling considerate behaviour and you can explain the boundaries of that to DC, that it's good to be considerate of others but not at the expense of prior commitments like work or an important appointment.

What is it with all of these so called friends being so horrible? I seem to have read several threads this week about 'friends' telling the OP they are soft or wet or useless and making them feel rubbish. Whatever happening to supporting the people we like?

OP you are so not BU.

I've forgotten a couple of times, once for each of my DDs! The first time all the other kids were in fancy dress so I dashed home, grabbed a costume, ran back & dropped it off. I then checked the newsletter that I obviously hadn't read properly to see that that day was "dress as your favourite animal" day. The outfit I'd dropped off was.....a pumpkin!

Crikey, I drop stuff for both mine 9 and 13. For the elder I'm usually just told to pop it on the table with all the other stuff that parents have dropped off (PE kits/water bottles etc). I give not a stuff if what others think. Don't give it another thought OP - your friend sounds unkind.

I would have done same if I could

Your friend is mean!!! I'm definitely not a panderer but I would (and have) dropped off an outfit.

I have forgotten twice. Once at nursery when they had pyjama day. Little un was very upset apparently but lovely nursery staff found her something to wear! Second time was jeans day. I did run back to school with jeans and a top so she could change and she was so happy! (She was only 4 and put them on back to front, bless her. They hate being the one left out.)

Your friend needs to wind her neck in.

I’d never heard of ‘melt’ before, is it Irish slang?

Happens every day. It's ok to do nice things for your kids. You're modelling being kind. I wish I'd figured that out when mine were 5 but I was too busy being like your friend, terrified of spoiling them.

I've done the same in primary school and have done even for my Yr 7 DD when she has forgotten a cooking ingredient at home because I know she would only spend the day worrying and it only took 10 minutes of my time. She's certainly not spoilt.

I remember my mum appearing at the school gates one hot sunny lunchtime when I was about 10. She had ice lollies from the shop for me and my friends. She couldn't drive so made the extra effort to do this lovely thing for me. You will not spoil your child by caring for her and making up for an oversight. Comments like that are not needed! Nor are they correct!! Your daughter will appreciate it.

You didn’t majorly have to go out of your way so it’s ok. My DC’s school is a 30 min walk away so if they’ve ever forgotten anything, they just have to deal with it.

She’s northern! We are in the south, I never say melt either!
Thanks all! My friend is actually generally lovely and she’s a mother to (3 very nice!) teens so she’s my experienced mum go to m! I think maybe she’s forgotten what it’s like to have such small kids as hers are independent and would take responsibility if they forgot something.

I did exactly the same as you one day when it was a special dress up day at school for DD, i took an outfit in.
Your friend sounds awful for making you question yourself for being a loving parent.
There seem to be a whole raft of parents who will mock you or make you feel stupid for putting yourself out for your kids like being blasé about your kids is cool... Its always the same parents that post about how they dread the school holidays or cant get through a day with their kids without gin

You did a perfectly normal thing that will happen in pretty much every primary school, every time there’s a mufti day.

I would have done the same, ignore your friend!

You thought about your child’s feelings and went out of your way to make her happy ? How’s that spoiling her !! You’re bond with your child will be better than your friends with their child .

YANBU

If she was 10 and had forgotten something that was her responsibility after numerous reminders then your friend might have a point

but she’s in reception, it’s down to parents to remember things at that age, you forgot (I’m not berating you, it happens to everyone at some point!) so you fixed it with virtually no inconvenience to anyone.

I’m sure the teacher would have just been glad that DD could join in and was hopefully no longer upset about being in uniform.

Melt is what teens used to say here a couple of years ago. 😬

I’ve got teens and it still doesn’t make me a pushover to help them out if they make a mistake or forget something, just because they’re older. Anyone can forget something occasionally. My daughters teacher left all her class books at home one day last week, simply forgot to put them in her car. It happens. No consequence for the teacher obviously but if kids forget their book, they get a detention.

It just means like free dress or dress down! Dunno it’s what it’s always been called here (Devon!)

I once went home and took in two Teddy bears for 2 kids in my sons class whose mum had forgotten. She was due at work and one of them was in tears. I would have definitely taken an outfit in for a 5 year old. Come to think I've also taken in buckets and spades for a school trip, I just can't bear to think of any kid feeling left out.

Mufti day has been around for yonks. The genesis:

The word originates from the Arabic "Mufti" (مفتي), meaning an Islamic scholar. It has been used by the British Army since 1816 and is thought to derive from the vaguely Eastern style dressing gowns and tasselled caps worn by off-duty officers in the early 19th century.

The reception staff definitely won't think you're weird!! We're usually really grateful when parents bring the clothes in after as it stops the child feeling left out!