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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you’re viewed as boring if you don’t drink it only drink a little?

118 replies

Ihatemyroad · 01/07/2022 12:13

Based in UK I think that’s relevant.

Mums evening out from school (primary) and all other mums arrived by taxi or husbands dropped them off so they could get ‘on it’.

It was a meal in a pub.

I’m not a big drinker anyway and can’t do hangovers especially with little ones who still get up during the night.

I was first to leave and think I was viewed as boring because everyone else seemed on a mission to drink the gin dry!

Anyone else felt uncomfortable in a situation like this because they literally have one drink and stop. I don’t think I’ll be on the invite list for next time.

OP posts:

Darbs76 · 02/07/2022 09:22

Not now I’m in my mid 40’s. Apart from a couple of old school friends most of my friends don’t get drunk now. I can’t drink much for health reasons and I don’t miss it. Alcohol never enhanced my life, just caused problems. I don’t care if people think I’m boring anyway. Each to their own. I’d rather be called boring than wake up full of paranoia wondering what I said or did

balalake · 02/07/2022 09:25

The OP makes a valid point, seems to me that moderate drinking if you drink is frowned upon more than being teetotal for religious or health reasons, or declining an invite for drinks.

bridgetreilly · 02/07/2022 09:42

Drunk people are in incredibly boring. I don’t know why you would care what they think.

BeyondMyWits · 02/07/2022 10:03

I don't drink, but don't hang around with drinkers much either. Only a rare works night out. Don't really care if anyone on a works night out finds me boring... I am not there for their entertainment.

More likely to go for a meal with friends where alcohol consumption is totally unimportant.

ILikeHotWaterBottles · 02/07/2022 10:12

I wouldn't be friends with someone who called me boring for not drinking. To be honest, I have found the ones who have called me that in the past (no longer see or speak to them) have actually had problems with drink themselves and they know it, it's why they want everyone else pissed too so they don't look as bad. I'd rather be 'boring' than a sad pathetic person who literally couldn't have any fun without booze being involved. It's amazing how many people are actually the boring ones without alcohol, although once they've had alcohol they are just desperate.

I know some drinkers will be offended by that, but they never care about offending us non drinkers, so I don't care either.

zingally · 02/07/2022 10:29

I'm not a big drinker. If I had to be teetotal, for medical reasons, I'd be sad for 5 minutes, and then not bothered.
I think I've had maybe 3 alcoholic drinks this year.

If people want to call me boring they can, I wouldn't give a shit. But as far as I know, none of the people whose opinions I care about have ever said that.

Takeitonthechin · 02/07/2022 11:46

Well Done OP for sticking to your convictions, for not being easily led and so what if they think you're boring, it's their problem not yours. Do what makes you happy.

Momicrone · 02/07/2022 11:48

So what if the other mums wanted to get drunk, maybe they needed to blow off steam, so much judgement, each to their own

YouAreNotBatman · 02/07/2022 12:52

Funny (not really) how many comments saying not drinking = boring and then saying how non-drinkers are judgemental.

All around this attitude that if you don’t drink you have to proog you’re not boring (as if drunk people are so fun), has the same energy that if you’re childfree you have to compansate it with having a really extravagant lifestyle.

MrsR2018 · 03/07/2022 20:03

I get judged quite often by “friends” because I don’t want to go on their nights out where they get plastered and can’t parent the next day.

I actually enjoy time with my little one and I have zero interest in trying to parent with a raging hangover!

Dannybx · 03/07/2022 21:07

I’m not a big drinker (have been t total for the last two years due to pregnancy and breastfeeding.) I’m not good in social situations anymore and would probably be seen as boring due to not talking much and being nervous! Maybe suggest a brunch or something next time rather than an evening drinking so you might get chatting?

soulinablackberrypie · 03/07/2022 21:33

In my experience it is more frowned upon to drink in moderation than not to drink at all. I can't claim I don't drink at all because I do fancy a glass of wine or a beer occasionally and it would make me look hypocritical, but once people know you drink in theory, they seem to go on a mission to make you drink yourself drunk. I don't enjoy drinking that much, it just makes me feel sleepy and unsociable. And my friends and I are not young - some of the people who have this attitude are anything up to in their 60s. Please just live and let live!

5128gap · 03/07/2022 21:39

soulinablackberrypie · 03/07/2022 21:33

Yes! It's as though they're taking it personally that you do drink, but won't drink with them. People even say 'come on, have a drink with me' like you're somehow withholding your best (drunk) self from them.

1HappyTraveller · 03/07/2022 21:56

Personally I can go out and drink or not drink. Whatever I want to do I’m happy with. If I’m drinking with others I couldn’t care less if one person isn’t drinking, it’s their choice. If I’m not drinking then I can still have a good chat. I don’t need to have a boring night. Most people do not care.

“I was first to leave and think I was viewed as boring because everyone else seemed on a mission to drink the gin dry!”

You’re just assuming here. Maybe they don’t give a toss. Maybe they think you’re just boring anyways (with or without alcohol?), maybe they just don’t care what you do. You seem to feel like you were being judged but your comment is a bit judgy in itself.

“Anyone else felt uncomfortable in a situation this because they literally have one drink and stop. I don’t think I’ll be on the invite list for next time.”

Why do you care if you’re on the invite list? Especially if, as you say, you feel so uncomfortable?

Bleedinghearts · 03/07/2022 22:05

You’re being unreasonable. You’re judging other mums for getting a taxi or lift there? Some people (myself included) refuse to drive at all after 1 drink. How do you know they were “getting on it?” Maybe they just had one drink. You also sound insecure about what other people think of you.
This is a you problem, rather than a them problem.

Bluesycamore · 03/07/2022 22:13

Totally agree. I can’t stand it with certain groups anymore - I don’t make any judgement at all on them choosing to drink a lot - if they’re happy perfect. But why can’t they offer me the same respect. I’ve decided not to socialise with these groups anymore I don’t want to be made to feel bad for opting to have 2/3 drinks only when I’ve still got a baby who wakes in the night.

amicissimma · 03/07/2022 22:34

Personally I find people who drink too much can be boring but I don't expect them to either care or change their behaviour because of what I think.

Likewise what other people think of people who drink little like me is of no interest to me. I enjoy myself on my own terms, provided I don't impinge on others.

allboysherebutme · 03/07/2022 22:40

I don't drink and would go home after the meal. But I would not care what they thought. X

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