To think you’re viewed as boring if you don’t drink it only drink a little?

[Ihatemyroad]

Based in UK I think that’s relevant.

Mums evening out from school (primary) and all other mums arrived by taxi or husbands dropped them off so they could get ‘on it’.

It was a meal in a pub.

I’m not a big drinker anyway and can’t do hangovers especially with little ones who still get up during the night.

I was first to leave and think I was viewed as boring because everyone else seemed on a mission to drink the gin dry!

Anyone else felt uncomfortable in a situation like this because they literally have one drink and stop. I don’t think I’ll be on the invite list for next time.

I haven’t drank for years but have 2 friends who each try to ply me with drink every time we meet and seem surprised that I don’t drink , I just think they don’t listen to me

I don’t drink and I don’t give a shit how people see me.

To be honest I find the whole “wine o’clock” shite nauseating and cringeworthy

not to mention the people who “need” a glass of wine every single night to “unwind”

I do wonder by your post whether you are the one being judgemental Even if I have one drink I refuse to drive so my husband would give me a lift!!Doesn't mean I am going to get hammered!

I'm considered boring for not drinking and shady for not having friends. Never, ever feel pressured or acquiesce to drinking, not even just one sip, if you don't want to. Alcohol is bloody rancid stuff to drink and the only valid use for it that I've ever had is to clean stuff with it. Not a religious thing, just a horrible taste.

I don't drink, and most of my friends are absolutely fine with it. You'll always get the odd bellend who wants to 'encourage' you to drink. I'm not friends with those people anymore.

I think you probably are boring if you don't drink and think everyone notices or cares, because then you are spending the evening thinking of yourself

I don’t drink at all, I don’t care if it makes me boring, in my opinion people who ‘need’ to have a drink in order to enjoy themselves boring.

Well that's what op was getting at though wasn't it, a slight air of superiority

I don't drink anymore but I used to drink quite a bit and my industry is very boozy. I honestly wouldn't care now if I was seen as boring.

If your measure of "interesting" is how much you can drink, I know for a fact we are not compatible.

If I was out with a group of friends and I wasn't drinking I'd offer to pick them up save them getting a taxi. I can't imagine letting someone pay for a taxi when I had an empty car. Assume we're talking primary as you have to get up with little ones.
What makes you think you were viewed as boring?

I like decent strong real ales and lagers, good wine but can't stand any spirits BUT I really don't drink much - I just don't have the lust for it - I can take it or leave it - have a bit to drink and not feel like I want any more - I can't even/don't even feel like finishing a whole bottle of beer on my own - if my wife doesn't want half then I don't bother opening it. If I go out I might have 1 pint but after that I'm just not interested in drinking any more than that - maybe a soft drink - I don't have a problem saying no - it's not uncommon for other people I'm with who've had a couple to keep trying to insist I have something - I don't have a problem saying no - they are used to it now I guess - I'm happy to go for the conversation - but I'm not mad about noisy environments or the the stupid talk that comes out when people have a had drink but it's no big problem - I go out with them when I feel like it and say no when I don't. We used to meet up to organise walks together - who is driving - where and what dates etc but Covid put the spanner in the works with all that - and I have another couple of musicians that I meet with but none of us drinks that much - so not a problem.

My father was a sometimes-functioning alcoholic - I went non contact with him as soon as my mother died in 2007 - best thing I ever did. I was once involved in a fight with two drunk members of a rugby club (that went to court) - I had my nose broken and got thrown off a bridge by 4 of them into a river but it wasn't all one way traffic however - I'm lucky - it doesn't play on my mind - I'm fine - I'm not the fragile type - it makes a good story - but - as I said - I'm not that keen on being in crowded environments with a lot of drunk people as I've seen things turn nasty very quickly over nothing on several occasions.

@Ihatemyroad I wouldn't think too much about it - you do you - you might need to be more confident about it though - when asked if I want another drink I sometimes say - "I'm alright for the minute - might have something else a bit later" or flat out I say "no - I just don't feel like it ATM/I'm not drinking much tonight" or "no - I just don't drink that much usually" - "I'm alright - you get yourself something" - and move the conversation on to something else or I'll have some peanuts perhaps. There's many ways to skirt round it as well as just a flat "no - I'm alright thanks". I count on the fact that they won't and don't really remember much of the detail when they've had a few. If there's any negative thinking about me I'm not aware of it - I don't think there is TBH and frankly - it wouldn't bother me anyway.

Not really. I went out with a group of school mums recently too and no one cared at all how much anyone drank as long as they were fun! A few were clearly getting stuck in, some were just having one or two, two weren't drinking at all. Two of the "not drinking much" ones were among the last to leave. We all had a good time

Yep, this. Most people I know enjoy a glass of wine, but usually stop at one or two. Some friends are tee total. It's would be pretty unusual for anyone to get properly drunk - especially in a restaurant. Being good company is far more important.

No one bats an eyelid at not drinking in my social groups.

This is a thing I hear often, and it strikes me as odd.

Why do you think they found you boring, OP?

Please don't say 'because I left early', as that doesn't make sense. If you were entertaining to everyone before leaving, they would ask you not to. They may have joked 'don't be boring!' as you were leaving if they wanted you to stay. And if they wanted you to stay, then they didn't find you boring.

Or was it an awkward gathering, with effort required to make small talk all round? Did you choose to leave just as the drinkers were loosening up and laughing? If so, it isn't that you are boring, just that the boozy laughter is not something you take part in.

Either way, it isn't that you personally, are boring.

An aside, as you left early, did you find the whole thing boring? If so, why care?

I would have agreed with this if I hadn't seen competitive virtue on mumsnet!

Somebody on MN recently called people who don't drink 'boring twats who don't know what they're missing'. This was in response to somebody making a valid comment about some of the risks of drinking to extreme excess.

I was wild and loved to drink. I made my worst decisions while drunk and did things with long term consequences when under the influence. My hangovers were atrocious. Some people found my switch to being teetotal a shock but everyone has got used to it now.

If I could have one or two sociable and stop, I would, but i can feel even two drinks the next day. I could not give a toss if people think I'm boring. Quitting drinking is literally one of the best, most liberating and (actually) most hard-core things I've ever done. Waking up with no hangover is one of the most beautiful feelings, after being trapped in a cycle of vomiting all day for decades.

I did used to judge teetotallers, definitely. Really, I was worried they were judging me by their abstentious lifestyle. I'm not judging anyone. I'm still fun by the way and can keep up with the banter. The only real difference is I get tired around my usual bedtime, which I guess is a bit boring on a night out!

I have honestly never met grown ups that think somebody is boring because they don’t drink. It is perfectly normal for someone not to drink, I have encountered many non drinkers over the years and I honestly cannot imagine anyone being so juvenile as to call them boring!

It's not not drinking that makes you boring, it's not entering into the spirit of the evening, leaving early and judging everyone else.

Sober friends, out to have fun aren't boring, but someone determined not to enjoy the evening and sneering at the rest of the group is. Obviously you can leave when you choose and if it's not your thing, you don't have to go, but what have you contributed to the evening? What would the evening have been like if everyone had behaved the way you did?

Apologies if you made an effort to be sparkling company and helped the evening go with a swing, but it doesn't really sound like that's what happened.

I disagree OP. It’s a weird outing set up to begin with. Primary school mums? That was bound to be awkward.

How close to all these people actually are you? Presumably if you truly enjoy each other’s company when sober, they wouldn’t mind spending time with a relatively sober you as it’s more of the same person they know and like…

It’s the people you don’t know that kinda tag along that would come across/feel “boring” when not drinking. I drink and have loads of friends that don’t drink. I have also had many nights out where I have refused to drink. I have never had a bad time when I/one of my friends is sober.

Alcohol only equals good company, if the company you’re with is that awful you need a drink to tolerate them. Maybe you just otherwise came across as shy or nervous or not open etc which is why you feel like this.

I don't 'get' this, is doesn't happen in my world. Are you sure you aren't imagining things? That, or you need new friends / don't socialise with these primary school mums again. I drink like a fish, or drive and just drink a tonic water, and no one has ever commented on my drinking, and furthermore all my friends don't comment on anyone else's either, EVER -

in the last 10 years, no one ever commented on anyone else's drinking, at any night out, party, bbq. Some drink a lot, others never do, some stop for lent, some do dry January (I do), some have a big work meeting the next day. No one ever comments.

I don't think the company need to be 'awful' to stop you having a good time without alcohol. It really depends on your idea of a good time. If that's a nice meal and chat, fair enough. But for women who went out to get 'on it' and 'drink the gin dry' that would seem rather tame.
Responses seem divided amongst people who view drinking as part of an evening, like popcorn at the cinema, and those who view alcohol and experiencing its affects in a group, as the main point of the evening. Lots of people fall into the latter category, especially when its a 'girls/mums night out'. Its in these groups that non drinkers are seen as boring.

I don't drink. Never ever have I been made to feel inadequate about it and nobody has ever made any comments on it. I'm thinking I can't be that boring because people insist on me joining on this meetings and we interact incredibly well throughout the get togethers.
In the UK, 99.99% of the times when out with other women, I'd be the only one not drinking alcohol, unless one of the others is on antibiotics for example.
I'd have a toast if there's a celebratory element, literally one sip from the glass as a sign of respect.
I don't like the taste of alcoholic drinks of any kind and can't see any positives on how drinking alcohol would make me feel.
Hand on heart, drinking does absolutely nothing positive for me, it doesn't enhance the enjoyment of meeting friends in any way whatsoever. I'm having a brilliant time without the drink element.
Equally, I don't care at all if others are drinking or not and I certainly don't judge anyone on it.
I am quite impressed how much British people can put away though! DH makes up for my lack of contribution and, luckily, he can hold his drinks. On the other hand, purely observational, at least 75% of women I've been with drinking socially, should really not be drinking unless with very close friends. Different tolerance levels, but they do turn a bit weird and unpleasant in some little ways. Not necessarily obvious to strangers. Haven't noticed that with men. Men don't appear to alter that much. Maybe there is a difference on how well women and men are outwardly affected by drinking and, of course, everyone has a tipping point from being normal and becoming a bit different which is definitely not becoming.

@soundofsilver
I used to judge people who didn't drink much but now I'm one of them.

Why would you judge people who don’t drink (and much, why should anyone have to drink in the first place?)?
What is there to judge?

Doesn’t it suck to be the designated driver?

BruceWaynettaSlob
Nothing more boring than stupid drunk twats trying to be funny or profound.

Definitely. It can get to the point early on where it's difficult to have a conversation. Things like parties where most people are glassy eyed, as I call it after a certain point and it is better to leave early as you can't have a proper conversation, and they possibly won't remember what was said.

I think some of the judging is defensive, as they think you're judging them by not joining in.

Though I don't really go out with heavy drinkers but it's difficult to avoid at gatherings.

I stopped drinking a few years ago due to the impact on my physical health and anxiety. I used to get the terrors for days after a night out. Recently on a work night out I experienced the 'pressure' of not drinking with comments such as 'what's wrong?' ' are you not having a good time' basically you can't have a good night unless you 'get on it'. I didn't drink but it made me think about people who struggle with addiction and how comments like these could make someone feel pressured into drinking.