To think you’re viewed as boring if you don’t drink it only drink a little?

[Ihatemyroad]

Based in UK I think that’s relevant.

Mums evening out from school (primary) and all other mums arrived by taxi or husbands dropped them off so they could get ‘on it’.

It was a meal in a pub.

I’m not a big drinker anyway and can’t do hangovers especially with little ones who still get up during the night.

I was first to leave and think I was viewed as boring because everyone else seemed on a mission to drink the gin dry!

Anyone else felt uncomfortable in a situation like this because they literally have one drink and stop. I don’t think I’ll be on the invite list for next time.

I was just talking about this in rl today.
I agree people complain you’re boring if you don’t drink.
I don’t like what drink does to me, therefore I avoid it. When I used to drink I would get giddy and more confident and have fun which is what people think always happens etc… but then I always fall in to really bad slump afterwards. Not just a standard hangover, but I my mood becomes really low and I become really sad and empty. The booze just heightens how I feel when I’m sober and makes me worse.

Why should I put other people before myself?

Someone said to me years ago when I was a bit tipsy, “I wish you was like this when you’re sober” That made me feel great.

You do sound like you were mildly disapproving of them from the start.

Also, when you say you were first to leave - how early are we talking? Did you head off at 10pm / 10:30pm, or did you scarper as soon as your meal was eaten? If the former, well yeah, you weren't exactly participating in the social occasion were you? You don't have to drink to be sociable.

I used to be one of those people who drank a lot at social occasions and didn't really hang out with non-drinkers (harsh but true).
But I recent years I've rethought my relationship with alcohol and it's influence in my upbringing (my family booze a lot). I don't want to pass this need for alcohol to my kids so I'm trying to drink much more in moderation.
I used to judge people who didn't drink much but now I'm one of them. Tbh, some of the best nights out and experiences I've had have been when I was drunk BUT that was when I was in my 20s. I can't recreate them now in my late 30s - it's just not the same when you have a monster hangover and have to look after small kids the next day. It's not worth it.

I don’t care what anyone thinks about not drinking, as long as they keep their opinions to themselves and don’t try to make me drink. I dislike seeing people get ridiculous as they drink more and more and I lose respect for them.

I wish there were more interesting alcohol free alternatives though, although it is better than it used to be.

Obviously I meant latter not former!

Tbh I wouldn't say it's the fact that you don't drink being an issue, but you do seem a bit judgey about people who arranged for alternative lifts as they wanted to have more than one drink during a meal out.

I would do this, not so much because I wanted to get slaughtered, but so I could perhaps have an extra glass of wine if I was enjoying it. I enjoy a couple of glasses of wine with a nice meal, have children so actually dont get many chances to go out for dinner. I would take responsible precautions in regards to getting home and don't see why that's a problem.

Now if people were banging on at you about not drinking that's one thing, but it sounds like you made your mind up based on the fact that people had arranged lifts home.

I think there can be a lot of difference between the socialising and conversation that happens without alcohol and one where people are 'on a mission to drink the gin dry'. The OP with a meal and one drink is on par with meeting at Costa or kitchen table chat, whereas the women 'on it' could be anywhere from a much less inhibited conversation to full on hen party type mode. No judgement of either, but they're two entirely different things.
I think its unfair to say that if a non drinker feels out of place its because they're not being sufficiently sociable. Sometimes it's just not possible as the alcohol and subsequent behaviour is front and centre.
Its also not true to say that drinkers don't judge non drinkers as boring. A lot absolutely do especially if they see the event as a 'session'.

Doesnt bother me/never did as I dont drink. Not boring when you are the one who can drive people to/from the gig or night out.

A meal in a pub isn't necessarily going to be the place for a drinking session. I don't drink but even if I would (and I used to), I wouldn't be using a meal out for the purpose. When I lived abroad I don't recall pub-crawls or 'get on it' drinking being a thing? It seems to be quite commonplace in the UK though.

It's definitely not true to say that drinkers don't judge non-drinkers because very many do. They see the non-drinker as an 'outlier' and a threat to their activity so they prefer to flock together with other heavy drinkers. I used to like going out with colleagues for a meal but we'd separate when they wanted to round off in a pub. About half went to pub, the other half off home. It's not boring to do that, it's sensible for everybody to relax as they want to.

Live and let live.

If you were sitting quietly being disapproving then you probably won't be invited back but I know many teetotallers who are the life and soul, so... YABU.

I think you're over thinking it, stop thinking about how others perceived you

I agree. And I've become more militantly less drink the more I'm pulled up on it.

I'm not sure why you've singled out Methodists. The vast majority drink like the rest of the adult population.

I'm teetotal (15 years plus) and some seem to be on a mission to get me to 'have just one'.

I've been asked why, and tell them I don't, or for health reasons as I do lots of sport. The real answer, I probably couldn't discuss, is that I've had first hand experience of alcoholics, who have/are destroying themselves and the lives of others around them, it has put me off.

I'm sure privately some might think I'm boring or sanctimonious or even a recovering alcoholic. I don't know!

Octomorr I wasn’t remotely disapproving, you’re completing wrong on that note. Not at all!

I left just after 10pm.

All my adult life, on social occasions there has aleays been someone who declined alcohol and drunk water , soft drink instead. They didn't have to offer a reason, but they included:

Because their period was late, they were pregnant, breastfeeding, taking an antibiotic, had a UTI, prostate cancer, diabetes, having chemo, alcoholic, attending AA , were Muslim, belonged to some sect / religion that eschews alcohol, were the designated driver (zero alcohol) or silently supporting their partner listed in one of the above.

NOBODY CARES if, or what, anybody else drinks or why. Don't bother to explain.

NOBODY GIVES A DAMN.

I would prefer not to explain but someone usually asks. I've bought mocktails, where available, to blend in before.

I think it is sometimes difficult to be a non drinker, especially when some become roaring drunk, it's probably easy to look disapproving to them even when you're not because they can be difficult to talk to as they're not behaving the same as they usually would when sober. I've probably explained that all wrong!

I agree OP, I never drink (and haven't since I was 21) and frequently get addressed as though I am insane.

Most recent was my boss who, when I said I don't drink said, "Oh god, you're one of THEM, are you?"

I have no idea who 'them' are but apparently yes, I am 🤷‍♀️

Been teetotal for some years now but let's just say my friends list shrank massively overnight when I did.

Tbh it was worth doing just to find out who my true friends were, not just the ones who wanted company in a session.

Now it's more likely to be oooh you don't drink and you drive??? Hint hint nudge nudge wink wink

In the last few years of my adult life I have always been the one who declined alcohol or declined after the first two. I have invariably been expected to offer a reason. Questions included:
Don't you EVER drink?
Are you religious?
Don't you get bored?
Are you on a diet?
Surely you can have a cocktail/wine/shot?
I bet you think we're all terrible don't you?
Are we boring you?
Do you want to leave early?
WHY???
Considering no one gives a damn, they certainly seem to have a lot to say about it.

Not drinking being boring ( ) is so normal now I'd be surprised if anyone noticed or cared

No for me the opposite is true. I actually admire them, especially when they are excited about the night out, make an effort to dress right, stay the distance and have a laugh. If I didn't have the lure of a couple drinks to loosen me up quite frankly I probably wouldn't bother.

I get frustrated about misery guts, but not drinking alcohol is not one of qualifying criteria to be a misery in my book.

I forgot about people thinking it might be for religious reasons! I've had that before, and no I'm not religious.

It’s hard because when I drink, I do find myself more anxious around people who “aren’t drinking”, I kind of want my conversations with them to wrap up so that I can go and hang out with the people on my same level and we can all relax together, safe in the knowledge that we are all as tipsy as each other and not going to judge one and other or hopefully clearly remember everything that was said.

On the other hand, sometimes I can’t drink for whatever reason, or am being healthy, and I have reflected that it’s pretty awful that I essentially can’t do anything outside of the house in the evening that isn’t completely intertwined with alcohol!

Me and my DP did a no drinking month and realised our whole trendy high street is just drinking spots, we couldn’t even go out to dinner as it just felt so weird not being able to order a glass of wine, and even the waiters would be a bit weird about us not ordering alcohol.

I don’t mind friends who don’t want to get smashed, but if it’s in the evening (as opposed to a day event), I do get quite unsettled if someone has NOTHING to drink (unless they’re pregnant or something).

I think people should just assess what the event is and what they’re involvement is - if it’s a roaring late night out and you’re only up for a Diet Coke and to leave at 10pm, maybe just give it a miss. On the other hand if you’re keen to stay out and can let your hair down without drinking, then all power to you!

I’m a giddy goat so no one notices 😂