Neighbour note about party noise

[wotsits1234]

Ndn have put a note through the door warning they are having a party with loud music tonight.

We are civil with these neighbours and say hello but there is underlying tension between us. Basically they have made my life torture for the past couple of years and have turned me into a nervous wreck in my own home. We live in poorly made houses with thin walls and basically I can hear everything in their house. But this hasn't stopped them from playing full volume music on bassy speakers to the point it has left me in tears. I am a bundle of anxiety in my own home because of their noise and often dread coming home to see if they are being loud or not. Feel like I can't have people over as I never know if they will be in and loud etc.

I have knocked and asked them to turn the music down in the past which is were the tension has come from. I'm not asking for them to tiptoe round in silence like church mice, I just want them to listen to the music at a more considerate level like everyone else does because we live in houses with absolutely zero soundproofing

I am relieved to have advance warning but telling me the morning-of means I now have to rearrange plans. I know that the purpose of the note isn't to be a good neighbour and give us a heads up, it's to silence me and stop me from asking them to turn the noise down, and I'm now worried that it's going to go on until early hours of the morning eg 4/5am as they'll think the note is a free pass to shut us up.

What do I do? Do I reply to the note or leave it? I do have somewhere I can stay tonight but I just feel pissed off that I should have to change my evening plans and go out while they have a jolly until 4am

I'm just so fed up of having to live my life by someone else's social calendar. Also just to add we do have neighbours on the other side who are great, they have friends over which we obviously hear but it's all part of the parcel of living in terraced houses and it's normal neighbour noise/doesn't bother us, so we know it's not just us being sensitive IYSWIM.

Op I have been exactly where you are. very loud neighbours causing hypersensitivity to noise which leads to excruciating anxiety. I had to have meds and relocate. (They had no idea! I put on a brave face and was as friendly as possible with them!)

But the fact that your neighbour has prewarned you of a party is really polite of them.

i know it’s hard to look at things when you’re in the moment and having a panic / spiralling but you can plan ahead, put headphones on / go out.

Can you look at moving?

The problem is, once you experience that “on edgeness” - it’ll never go unless one of you move.

and even if you move you’ll be worrying in the future about new neighbours (even if they’re lovely and thoughtful!)

Do other neighbours ever complain about them and their music?

Well they have let you know about this evening, which they didn't have to do, so I think that is courteous.

One party, though, is very different from continuous noise. Have you considered complaining to your council? (I'm assuming that you're both homeowners - if they're renting, you could complain to their landlord)

We had an issue recently with neighbours' noisy building work going on on a Sunday and a bank holiday and our council were great, and dealt with it really swiftly.

OP, they've given you notice. Don't try to read their motives. It's irrelevant.

I suggest you try to distract yourself until, say 11pm and then go round asking them to reduce the noise. If it's still audible at midnight, call enviro health.

Have the council's out of hours number ready to call. And the local police station if you can't reach the council.

Keep a record of every noisy event. Report each time to the council. Take it up with your councillor or MP if necessary.

I'm so sorry their noise is causing you so much suffering. It's very unfair and is obviously causing you not to be able to enjoy living in your own home. People are so selfish.

I used to live with my parents and my bedroom was next to the living room of our neighbours house. They’d play loud music, argue loudly and get drunk very often. My mental health was badly affected, so was my sleep pattern to the point I suffered hallucinations due to the noise and even if there wasn’t noise I’d stay awake tossing and turning expecting the noise to start. I live with my husband now elsewhere but I can really relate to the anxiety this can cause.

I struggle with being able to say my feelings sometimes, but I think perhaps it is time to either 1) move or 2) politely write them a note or speak to them about this noise.

I genuinely do think there are just people out there that are so unbothered about others feelings and don’t actually realise themselves that this can cause their neighbours issues

@Iamnotanowl unfortunately they seem to spend most of their time in their kitchen, especially when they have people over, and that's the side that we are attached. But the people who were attached to them on the other side moved out recently and did moan to me before they moved about how noisy they were, though I think they got more shouting/screaming noise than music.

I can fully relate to the 'on edgeness', it's constant and has truly taken over my life whether I'm at home or not, as when I'm out I find myself starting to think about the dread of going home!

Moving just isn't an option for us right now unfortunatley but hopefully soon.

you poor thing. I needed a week of Valium to break my panic / anxiety cycle due to noisy neighbours so I totally understand.

if moving is an option in the next few years then focus on that.

this is a short period in your life blighted by dickish people next door BUT it won’t last forever and one day it WILL be a distant memory. My experience broke me in 2020 and I’m already forgetting the majority of the worst days & nights.

OP I'd recommend keeping a noise diary - how often, how late, how loud etc.

This is so you have reasoned evidence both for the neighbours and (if you need it) for council environmental health.
If there are other neighbours being disturbed, try to encourage them to do the same. (Loud parties can disturb households further away or with adjacent gardens etc too, not just immediate neighbours).

With the cuts to council funding, many noise complaints depts have been cut so check what the process is for your council (eg do they still have a phone line, when is it open, do they come.out etc) before relying on it.

Personally I'd stay somewhere else this evening to avoid the stress but the next time, don't vacate but do complain to the neighbours. You shouldn't have to regularly vacate your own home.

I am grateful to hear I'm not alone, even living here with my DH it's has felt so lonely at times and felt like it was turning me crazy and I'm the only one dealing with it.

Do you think I should knock and ask what time it will finish or leave it, and if it goes on past 1/2am then knock?

The general solution put forward by most people on MN (and one I agree with), is to suggest you move. The neighbours on the other side have and you are suffering from anxiety as a result of their behaviour as well. You will always be on edge as long as they live next door to you.

I would go round before the party and ask them what time it will end (or ask them to end it by midnight, or whatever seems reasonable). Then you will know. Nothing worse than hearing noise and thinking it's going to go on forever. If you have an end time, you will have hope.

Could you pop a note back through?

"Thanks for the heads up about your party tonight. I'm sure you're aware about how terrible the soundproofing is in these houses, so if you could turn down/stop the music after 12am we'd appreciate it.

Have a great time!"

I don't think you need to be confrontational , a simple thanks for the heads up if you happen to pass them. It is a good step that they have forewarned you, so try not to be negative from the offset. What plans do you feel you must now change?

You need to get the council and environmental health involved every time.
Do they own the property?
If not try and find out who the landlord is and contact them every time.
My sympathies to you, noisy neighbours can ruin your life. Even when they're quiet, you're on edge because you're waiting for the noise to start.

@wotsits1234
Absolutely empathise.
I endured YEARS of horrendous DIY noise from neighbours- Victorian houses.
Neighbs have a child over that just relentlessly stamps up and down the stairs
for hours at a time, stamp stamp stamp stamp JUMP.
Rinse and repeat.
There was also a drummer.
ghastly.
Noise is definitely pollution-
A detached house with no near neighbours in this area would run to millions, unfortunately.

A wealthy chap I know of bought the neighbours huge house as he wanted utter quiet from parties in garden.

Peace is precious !

You have to document each time and get in touch ith the council- ad aneigbour whose dog wa sleft all day and just constantly barked not just on and off constantly

rspca wouldnt do anything i contacted council who sent them letters they eventually moved dont know if it was due to that but youve got to keep on at the council

You have somewhere else to go, why don't you? I know you shouldn't have to and people should be more considerate, but you can't control what others do just what you do. You're going to be worked up all day and night waiting for the music to stop. why put yourself through it?

I'm really not sure what you can do about some people... sorely tempted to suggest that the three best options are -

(1) Move
(2) Invest in a massive great PA system, some death metal or Aqua's greatest hits, and the best pair of earplug you can afford... the moment they start being unreasonable crank that pa. Turn it off every two hours to see if it's silent from their side - if it is you can stop, if they're still going (it won't be, because they won't have been able to hear their music) crank it back up.
(3) Some sort of more extreme solution that would result in an instaban if I suggested it.

You said the other neighbours next to the noisy lot have moved out. Do you get on with their replacements? You could ask them to ask the noisy ones how late it will be.

Great idea.

One party isn't a huge deal. Music at all hours all the time is.

I’d assume the note was sent with good intentions and reply in mind. Pop round and thank them for letting you know and ask what time they are expecting the party to finish. If they say after midnight then ask if they reduce the volume then.
If tonight runs later than they advise and they don’t reduce volume at midnight it gives you the opportunity to knock on their door later and ask them to keep the noise down as per the earlier conversation.

Could you pop a note back through?
"Thanks for the heads up about your party tonight. I'm sure you're aware about how terrible the soundproofing is in these houses, so if you could turn down/stop the music after 12am we'd appreciate it.
Have a great time!"

Absolutely this! You could (if you feel comfortable) knock on now and say this to them so they can't pretend not to have seen your note.

I’d be going to the landlord and asking for them to sound proof the property.

it isn’t fair on them and you, they should be able to have conversations/have visitors without you hearing them and vise versa.

I don’t think they are selfish because frankly the house is the issue not them playing music for having conversations in their kitchen etc..

this is more of a issue that needs to be addressed to better sound proof the property.

I’d put a note through their door in response requesting the party ends at midnight so you can get some sleep. I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to make unreasonable noise after 11pm and loud music definitely classes as this so call the police if it goes on any later. You should also start making recordings and a log of the noises and inform the council. The only real solution will most likely be one of you moving out though.

Have you considered arson? 😂

Sorry. I hate noisy arseholes