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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Neighbour note about party noise

65 replies

wotsits1234 · 01/07/2022 11:52

Ndn have put a note through the door warning they are having a party with loud music tonight.

We are civil with these neighbours and say hello but there is underlying tension between us. Basically they have made my life torture for the past couple of years and have turned me into a nervous wreck in my own home. We live in poorly made houses with thin walls and basically I can hear everything in their house. But this hasn't stopped them from playing full volume music on bassy speakers to the point it has left me in tears. I am a bundle of anxiety in my own home because of their noise and often dread coming home to see if they are being loud or not. Feel like I can't have people over as I never know if they will be in and loud etc.

I have knocked and asked them to turn the music down in the past which is were the tension has come from. I'm not asking for them to tiptoe round in silence like church mice, I just want them to listen to the music at a more considerate level like everyone else does because we live in houses with absolutely zero soundproofing

I am relieved to have advance warning but telling me the morning-of means I now have to rearrange plans. I know that the purpose of the note isn't to be a good neighbour and give us a heads up, it's to silence me and stop me from asking them to turn the noise down, and I'm now worried that it's going to go on until early hours of the morning eg 4/5am as they'll think the note is a free pass to shut us up.

What do I do? Do I reply to the note or leave it? I do have somewhere I can stay tonight but I just feel pissed off that I should have to change my evening plans and go out while they have a jolly until 4am

I'm just so fed up of having to live my life by someone else's social calendar. Also just to add we do have neighbours on the other side who are great, they have friends over which we obviously hear but it's all part of the parcel of living in terraced houses and it's normal neighbour noise/doesn't bother us, so we know it's not just us being sensitive IYSWIM.

OP posts:

DogsAndGin · 01/07/2022 16:38

Move house OP, far away from anyone else

Original poster

wotsits1234 · 01/07/2022 16:58

Do you think it's reasonable for me to do a polite note back saying thanks for letting us know and please could they just turn down the music from midnight?

I'm not asking for it off, just turn down to a reasonable level at that time.Even if we do end up staying elsewhere tonight I don't want them to see me as a pushover and that they can have their subwoofer speakers going until 4am at every party. I'm sure they will ignore it but I feel like I need to at least ask for them to be considerate in some respect?

OP posts:

Gazelda · 01/07/2022 17:20

wotsits1234 · 01/07/2022 16:58

Do you think it's reasonable for me to do a polite note back saying thanks for letting us know and please could they just turn down the music from midnight?

Yes, that would be reasonable.

But be polite, not apologetic or overly grateful.

Just a short "thanks for letting us know, we'd appreciate the volume being turned down from 11pm. Have a good time"

JenniferPlantain · 01/07/2022 17:46

Can't offer any useful advice, only I've been in a similar situation and I still shudder at the memor. And it was 25 years ago. So, so stressful.

But I'd continue knocking/calling police after 11/midnight as normal if you stay home. A note doesn't absolve them of neighbourly behaviour.

Ludo19 · 01/07/2022 17:54

Phone the police. Noise from a party after a certain time is unacceptable whether they sent a note or note.

My neighbours are selfish fucks, shouting, swearing, walk about the house like a clydesdale ploughing a field.
I sympathise OP.

bishbashboshhhhh · 01/07/2022 17:58

Is there a reason you can’t move?

get ear plugs for tonight or see if you can stay elsewhere?

GabriellaMontez · 01/07/2022 18:10

I've never really understood the note thing (unless it's a once in a lifetime event). They may as well pop a note through saying "We're having another party, it will be loud, it will disturb you, we don't care'.

Contact the noise team at your council. It will take a while. May as well get started.

eldora · 01/07/2022 20:11

If you can’t beat them, join them.

Start blasting your own music when their party ends. Cunts.

I’m sorry you have neighbours like these, we live in a terrace and are very careful of neighbours.

LaPufalina · 01/07/2022 20:17

I was thinking that, an early start the morning after!

LondonLovie · 01/07/2022 20:25

100% call environmental health when it gets passed 11pm. It's not a one off and they sound like arses

ILoveAndrew · 01/07/2022 20:25

It makes me laugh when someone asks if there's a reason someone can't move. There are lots of reasons, including finances! FFS!

Barney60 · 01/07/2022 20:31

i had this for months. Sleep deprivation does odd things to you. They used to bring half the pub back after it had closed on a regular basis. They would sing outside under my bedroom window usually around 4am. This was every Thurs, Fri, Sat and Sun.
Loads of times i rang the police, as other neighbours did, they do nothing but ask them to turn it down, soon as they gone up it went again.
Ive NEVER EVER had such a bad time in my life.
I snapped one morning i was going to work at 8am their party had finished at 5.30.
I had at the time a VERY noisy hoover.
I turned on the hoover washer radios stereos all turned to their walls on the opera station FULL blast.
He came round and asked why id done that, it had woke them all up!
They moved a few weeks later.
Not saying this would work for you, but i REALLY feel your pain, if able, move for your sanity.

Bentley123 · 01/07/2022 20:52

If you are thinking of moving because of it in near future if you have made an official complaint you have to declare it to solicitors (I think) we had noisy -ish neighbours but not too many parties- and thin walls. Completely sympathise I really hated it.’Eventually moved.

dudsville · 01/07/2022 20:57

I used to live in a party neighbourhood. I phoned the noise people a few times and they were really helpful. They don't tell who informed them. BUT, you so won't get a good night's rest as it will take them a while to come and check it out, and by that time you'll be already wound up. Can you plan on some loud white noise?

passport123 · 01/07/2022 20:59

Note back - Thanks for letting me know, I trust the noise will finish by x o.clock as per local council rules on noise (look them up first on the council website)

LethargeMarg · 01/07/2022 21:01

I don't think you should ask what time the party is finishing. The note is a polite way of saying there will be a lot of noise at an anti social time so that you can't complain !! I think you need to forget about the party tonight and focus on solutions for the noise the rest of the time .

Girliegirl83 · 01/07/2022 21:02

It's so horrible to be in this situation. I used to wear proper construction grade headphones with an old neighbour. I even learned to sleep with them on. Not ideal of course but at least I had some peace

LethargeMarg · 01/07/2022 21:03

Just to add we currently have a pain in the arse neighbour which is very stressful so I really sympathise however I would try and keep things friendly in case you do decide to move soon or you'll have to declare it . Bloody no win situation

Imtryingveryhard · 01/07/2022 21:11

I fully sympathise. I had it with a horrible neighbour 20+ years ago. I’d dread hearing the plug go into the socket (that’s how poor the soundproofing was!) as I knew within minutes the music would start. It was so poor I could also hear them using their en-suite toilet. It was horrific, and deliberate. Always started just after I got home from work. I called the police a Few times and she was the picture of innocence saying she’d never play loud music as she had 3 young kids to get to bed. It started again as soon as the police left. I ended up moving out and back home before selling up. I did look at soundproofing for the party wall. Could this be an option to help or do the vibrations affect you too?

User48751490 · 01/07/2022 21:20

eldora · 01/07/2022 20:11

If you can’t beat them, join them.

Start blasting your own music when their party ends. Cunts.

I’m sorry you have neighbours like these, we live in a terrace and are very careful of neighbours.

When we had neighbours who were a noise nuisance, we waited until they went to sleep at 8am, then blasted out some heavy metal with very deep bass so it travelled right through the walls.

I was absolutely livid, on edge as I had a young baby at the time, up very early every day often before 6am. Absolutely lack of respect for others. Thankfully the family moved. But I did complain about them to the council. At least twice. It was taken seriously.

CallOnMe · 01/07/2022 21:36

I personally would let it go tonight.

They’ve given you a heads up which may mean they’re trying to be a half decent neighbour.

Think of it as a one off.
If they’re disrespectful and the music is loud all night then next time they post a letter you can write a reply asking for them to turn it down at midnight.

I think if you ask the music to be turned down now it could get their backs up and it will turn into a petty tit for tat thing.

If the music goes on loud for too long then go knock on or ring the non emergency police number.

DottyLittleRainbow · 01/07/2022 22:30

Keep a diary. Make a formal noise complaint to the council.

firefly123 · 01/07/2022 22:59

Poor you OP. Hope it doesn't go on too late. I hate getting a note in advance more from my neighbours as it puts me on edge in advance of the party starting and makes it worse.

user1471538283 · 01/07/2022 23:09

Just reading this is making me anxious.

I hate noisy, inconsiderate neighbors and in the end I had to move but my health was broken. In my city environmental health are useless. It just relies on people being reasonable. If they were reasonable they wouldn't have loud music on 10 hours a day every day! I did find out however, that the noisy neighbors hated other peoples noise!

I now live surrounded by more people and it is so much quieter.

It makes me so cross that decent, quiet people pay the price though.

Shoving a note through is not good enough. You dont want their noise. I would go round and tell them.

Lexi334 · 01/07/2022 23:11

@wotsits1234 Sorry you’re dealing with this OP!! It’s really awful when you feel that anxious in your own home.

I had my first baby during lockdown, was completely alone with a refluxy newborn that wouldn’t sleep or let me put him down, my neighbours decided to suddenly become the neighbours from hell with music blaring constantly for months on end. It honestly nearly broke me!!!

Eventually I just sold up and we’re now in a rental until we find a new property! It’s a bit of an upheaval with a toddler but it’s better than still being where we were!! Thankfully I had the finances to be able to just do that. I don’t know what I’d have done if I couldn’t!

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