Disparity in cost of gifts between DSC and DC

[NanoNano156]

It's DSC's birthday next week and partner has just been sat with him making up his list of birthday present requests. Multiple console games, random things, expensive new trainers (he just bought him new trainers not three months ago)

Meanwhile for our DD's birthday last month he bought her 1 kindi kids doll totalled to less than £20. Obviously she got more than just the one doll, I was buying her bits here and there in the months leading up.

We're not well off, infact we're counting pennies at the end of every month trying to stretch until one of us gets paid. My children do not walk around in expensibe trainers. We have separate finances which is partly due to the fact he is crap with money, when he gets his wages he pisses them up the wall after transferring me his half of the bills. I'm then left to do all of the budgeting and worrying about making X amount stretch the full month.

I don't feel able to say anything about the birthday gifts because it's his son, he wants to treat him but AIBU to be feeling annoyed?

There are a couple of factors at play, how bad he is with money being one of them, but the disparity between birthday gifts has upset me.

He's not over compensating for DSC not getting anything at his mums. He has a huge family on his DMs side and gets dozens of gifts every year. Our children don't though.

To everyone defending him because older children want more expensive gifts - the £20 doll that he bought was not the only thing DD wanted. OP spent £70 on gifts for her which her dad didn't contribute to at all, that's the issue.

OP isn't expecting that the two children get exactly the same, but just that their father contributes to both of their birthdays. It's hardly fair to spend £200 on one child and then only £20 on the other, leaving their other parent to cover the rest of it.

These men are such a type, honestly they all behave identically. Be prepared for next level tantrums once you point out his cock lodging. No doubt he will acuse you of being what he is a 'gold digger'. But seriously what adult with 2 children thinks £600 is reasonable amount to pay in costs. I woudn't go into the conversation without it all written down, exactly what everything costs (although bet he'll refuse to look at it). His child support is not your bill btw, especially as he earns more than you. But tbh unless you want to fund the sponge forever, you and your daughter will be much better off financially getting rid of him and claiming CMS and UC.

You need to write down all of the expenses in a list with the amount next to it. You present that to him. And you say this is how much your half will be.

Also how the actual F do you spend £40 in less than a week on the electric?Correct me if I read that wrong. But I work from home and `£60 will last the whole month

He’s 8, just 8! I was assuming he was a teenager from your OP, not a little kid at primary school! 8 yos (I have one) do not need multiple pairs of trainers and multiple consoles. 8 and 3 are both in the “young kid” bracket for present buying really.

I don’t spend vast amounts like that on my 13 yo either unless she needs something particular, like a new musical instrument, which is her thing.

I think a big conversation needs to be had about fair finances. Sounds like he’s contributing a tiny amount and leaving you with all of the burdens, which just isn’t fair.

Sorry just to say again - 8 is not an “older child” ffs

Classic Cocklodger. Get rid 👍

Why on earth do you call him your “partner” if you don’t even buy your child a birthday present together? His money, my money, etc. where’s the partnership in that?

I voted YABU. For tolerating this nonsense from him. Stand up for yourself and your child.

Nano you need to stop mentioning the step sons shoes
The real issue is that you don't have a separate place for money for this sort of thing. If you had a children's clothes kitty then it would be very clear, there is 100 in it, he wants to spend 60 on trainers when 40 isn't enough for everything else they need.

We are now quite trained when it comes to putting money aside for lots of different things but we recently went on holiday and over spent because we weren't able to do what we normally do. Which is take out each day's budget in cash.
So we were blind, sounds silly but without a guide it's almost impossible not to spend.
I would perhaps say you want to take them to somewhat like Disney and you both need to save to do that which means sorting out money..maybe say someone at work managed to go by saving like this?

Don't mention the gift to his son it is a Red Herring, if he actually pay half of all bills, you will have money to spend on your child, and build in a spend for her as well.