Wedding this September.. but desperate for a baby..

[brondysan]

Hello,
I'm just looking for opinions / advice / anything really...! Sorry it's long.

My partner and I have been trying to conceive since the end of 2019, with no luck. We have had 2 chemical pregnancies in this time, but sadly no happier news.

We were both very severely overweight, and so when we noticed that conceiving wasn't coming easily for us, we decided to put all of our focus into our weight and loosing weight to become healthier (both for ourselves and to aid our chances in conceiving!) as advised by the GP also.

We both had tests at the GP for fertility issues and we both came back absolutely fine, no problems whatsoever.

Early this year, we both decided to opt for gastric surgery to loose the weight. DP is currently 8 stone down, and I'm 5.5 stone down! We are so much happier and healthier, and mentally in a much better place too.

We are getting married this September. But I've found recently that I've been daydreaming about pregnancy again. I never got the happy ending I so longed for all those months we were TTC. I kept telling myself I was okay, keeping positive.. but I'm longing for a baby.

We are going longhair for our honeymoon straight after our wedding, which is a complete once in a lifetime holiday.. so we obviously want to enjoy this. But I just can't shift this desperate feeling to TTC again 🤦🏼‍♀️

Please someone talk me round. Is this the worst idea ever?! I'm just longing to begin our family.

Apologies it's a long one.. but I guess I'm wondering if anybody's ever felt the same before. Would we be silly to start TTC now, this close to the wedding? I think my mind is so accustomed to the fact that it's going to be difficult for us again, as that's all we've ever known; that I couldn't see it happening before the wedding anyway. Obviously it would be a HUGE blessing if it did!!

September isn't far, only 2 months really

I'd hold off trying until you get back from honeymoon

how old are you? your age has a big impact on fertility, so if you are heading towards 35 then you should start investigating IVF clinics sooner rather than later.

@Luidaeg that's what I keep telling myself, trying to reason with myself I suppose 😂 we left the whole TTC alone whilst having and recovering from surgery. I suppose for me I just can't help but to wonder if it would be any easier for us now that we are much healthier.

Congratulations on the weight loss!

my first thought is how old are you both? Of you have time to wait, I would wait until after the honeymoon

I'm 26, DP 28. I know we sound very young still, but have been together for 9 years! :)
When we began TTC, I suppose that naively I didn't realise how hard it could be. I just didn't think I would struggle like I have.
I'm just worried that it's never going to happen for us.

Did they say how long after surgery you should wait to TTC? And do you have much more weight to loose?

Congratulations on your forthcoming wedding and your fabulous weight loss!

Where are you honeymooning? If it's somewhere that needs jabs, then I'd wait until after the honeymoon or as advised by your GP. If you're travelling to somewhere where you don't need to worry about vaccines, then I guess there's no harm in stopping contraception. So long as you don't mind risking your frock not fitting if you fall pregnant or abstaining no from alcohol on the day etc!

Either way, I hope you conceive successfully when the time us right for you both.

You're so young. For the sake of a couple of months I'd wait.

Isn't that what honeymoon is for? Congratulations & good luck 🍀

Thanks everyone for your lovely congratulations and help so far!!

• we are advised not to try TTC until a year post op, but that's only just to nutrition concerns IF you are not managing to eat enough (we are fine in this department luckily)

• we don't drink alcohol which is a good help!

• honeymoon destination is Bali (will require jabs I think) I have even found myself pondering on cancelling the honeymoon and going somewhere with less potential complications so we can TTC with no concerns.

Ahhh

@Rainbowshit that's the thing. You're right, we are really young still. It's just the fact we've been TTC since 2019 (with 22' being a 'gap' as we've had surgery) and nothings happened, I'm terrified it's not going to be a very straightforward journey.

I think that having a couple of months in mind where you know a pregnancy would be inconvenient is a sure fire way to get knocked up, OP ;)

@p1n3apple haha I was thinking the same it's like when you're due on any day, take a risk in wearing white or heading out for a spa day because AF has made no appearance.. and then BOOM 😂🤦🏼‍♀️

Just hold off for another 2 months. Should you be super lucky and conceive in the next couple of weeks you could have really bad morning / all day sickness all through the wedding and honeymoon.

i never had sickness bug I felt nauseous all day and was so dog tired in the first trimester that I could only just come home from work and lie on the floor.
my skin was also dreadful. I had awful huge spots all over my back, shoulders and neck. They thankfully went by the 2nd trimester but I wouldn’t want even one of the above symptoms on my wedding day,

keep going with the healthy living and be in the best place you can be come end of September

Start trying in August? Just before the wedding?

I was so, so sick weeks 6-9 of pregnancy, I'd not be chancing it, it would ruin your honeymoon. Wait and start trying again when you get back just in case, I barely left my bed for 3 weeks, it's not worth the risk. Go and make amazing memories and get back to it when you're home!

@MimiSunshine sorry to hear you had a difficult time, it sounds awful! :(
That's very true, the last thing I'd want is sickness on my wedding day.

It's all pro's and cons isn't it! 🙈🙈

Bali is a zika country, you are advised not to travel there pregnant or conceive 3months afterwards.

Managing malnutrition issues is a long-term journey after that surgery (and not just about how much you can eat but also absorption because your digestive system has been fundamentally damaged) - you've only had it very very very recently and are still in the honeymoon phase. The kind of malnutrition issues this surgery causes have not had time to manifest yet.

I think it would be a mistake to disregard the medical advice to wait until at least 12 months post surgery. You won't know your long term prospects yet and have not had time to know how big an issue malnutrition will be for you over the rest of your life following this surgery. You need to give yourself time.

I understand why you feel in a position to revisit the idea of ttc - it's good that you're in a better place mentally right now - but it sounds like a rash decision.

Your advised not to travel to Bali when pregnant or for a while after, so no, do not TTC yet! Enjoy your wedding and look forward to trying again at Christmas

travelhealthpro.org.uk/country/106/bali-indonesia#Other_risks

it says to avoid getting pregnant for 2 months after visiting. Which to be honest makes sense after what the doctor said about TTC post surgery too.

Thanks everyone. Yes the concern with ZIKA is why I've been seriously considering changing the destination.

I do understand regarding nutrition etc. we have had monthly check ups with our surgeon following surgery; who's more than happy with our progress so that's all heading in the right direction. But yes probably is too soon after surgery.

One thing I will say though is that it's been a heartbreaking journey since 2019 and we are just so beyond desperate to become parents. It's been really hard, hence the huge health decisions we have made to try and better our chances

I guess waiting is definitely the more sensible decision. I just worry that time isn't on our side if it's taken this long with no happier outcome. I keep wondering what we would do if all of this weight loss / our health changes haven't helped us 😥

You've both done an amazing job in your commitment to your goals for health and pregnancy, this lead up to the wedding could be the final two months where you both continue working on your health, enjoying your time together and eating healthily together. You could see this as the last of the cocooning/nest building stage. Like a pp, i know someone who was desperately nauseated for at least the first half of her pregnancy, debilitatingly so. Also, whilst it would be such a celebration to walk down the aisle with your little one growing inside you, you know from your past experiences what a toll a loss can be.

Ah didn't know about the Zika thing. I'm changing my vote to wait.