Wedding this September.. but desperate for a baby..

[brondysan]

Hello,
I'm just looking for opinions / advice / anything really...! Sorry it's long.

My partner and I have been trying to conceive since the end of 2019, with no luck. We have had 2 chemical pregnancies in this time, but sadly no happier news.

We were both very severely overweight, and so when we noticed that conceiving wasn't coming easily for us, we decided to put all of our focus into our weight and loosing weight to become healthier (both for ourselves and to aid our chances in conceiving!) as advised by the GP also.

We both had tests at the GP for fertility issues and we both came back absolutely fine, no problems whatsoever.

Early this year, we both decided to opt for gastric surgery to loose the weight. DP is currently 8 stone down, and I'm 5.5 stone down! We are so much happier and healthier, and mentally in a much better place too.

We are getting married this September. But I've found recently that I've been daydreaming about pregnancy again. I never got the happy ending I so longed for all those months we were TTC. I kept telling myself I was okay, keeping positive.. but I'm longing for a baby.

We are going longhair for our honeymoon straight after our wedding, which is a complete once in a lifetime holiday.. so we obviously want to enjoy this. But I just can't shift this desperate feeling to TTC again 🤦🏼‍♀️

Please someone talk me round. Is this the worst idea ever?! I'm just longing to begin our family.

I’d also hold off until after the honeymoon and a year post surgery. I had hG in my pregnancies which means I was sick non stop and practically dying from starvation for weeks on end, there’s no way I could of even brushed my hair let alone get married and go abroad, just worth keeping morning sickness in mind. You may feel healed from surgery however pregnancy puts a huge strain on all your organs and you need to make sure you are properly healed internally. I feel it would be best to wait but ultimately the only person that can decide that is yourself x

Time is on your side… you’ve already had fertility tests and are only 26! Can you even change the destination realistically? Obviously you can’t TTC travelling to Bali anyway. But honestly OP I’d throw myself into wedding planning and carrying on being healthy and look forward to resuming TTC at Christmas.

I sort of had the same thoughts, as we were approaching our wedding. Ours was delayed (not by long thankfully) due to covid, and I remember weighing up postponing it because I wanted to start TTC asap. But in the end I knew I wanted to enjoy the wedding, and after the stress of covid and being furloughed, enjoy our honeymoon and get settled in married life a little before we added the stress of TTC. So glad we did as those few months of enjoying ourselves were much needed and we both felt much more relaxed and excited once we decided to start trying.

When you were trying to conceive in 2019 and 2020, were you using OPKs etc? I found monitoring basal temperature very handy to keep an eye on ovulation and the clear blue advanced fertility monitor too.

Thank you all.
I really appreciate everybody's help and guidance - sometimes having another point of view really helps!
I wouldn't want to put any stress on myself and DP before the wedding, it's all been lovely and exciting so far and I know how quickly TTC turned stressful for us last time!

I also wouldn't want to cause complications in any potential pregnancy by going to a country whereby I'm risking Zikavirus.. that just feels hugely selfish of me.

Also time is very much on your side here. Plus you've made lifestyle changes that you hadn't made in 2019/2020 so I think there's not much point in comparing your time TTC to when you start again, given you will be much in a much healthier position.

Also, I would definitely recommend waiting due to Zika.

Yep I was using OPK's daily to catch my peak, I was ovulating normally, only 'conceived' twice although they ended almost as quickly as they started with chemical losses.

I was referred to the GP for fertility checks since we had been trying for over 2 years with nothing but the two losses, they wanted to confirm I was ovulating etc.

I am very fortunate that they were able to look into things for us!

As a fellow gastric bypassed may I strongly recommend that you follow your surgeons advice and wait. It’s all about nutrition and within my first year I lost nearly 9 stone but it didn’t stabilise until 12-14 months. That means all your bloods will be all over the place.

rhe impact of pregnancy on your body (and surgery) cannot be underestimated- I lost a further significant amount of weight whilst pregnant. Dietician suggested the hormones had a significant role in that.

so wait, enjoy your holiday and try once things have stabilised.

Hey OP.
Both these things (wedding, trip to bali) are once in a lifetime things that can be quite heavily impacted by being pregnant. The nausea especially. Just put all your focus into enjoying both.
You could just TTC in Bali anyway and you'd be fine.
I fell pregnant whilst on holiday in South East Asia (once i did the math). Luckily not just before because as soon as the 14 days hit, my nausea was through the roof and stayed till after i was past the 20 week mark. I'm glad I got to enjoy my holiday and have a baby from it too. DD is now 4

Come to think of it...it was the last holiday I went on...and it was 5 years ago (I'm sad now lol)

Sorry actually given you had a gastric surgery, maybe wait till that's hit the 1 year mark.

Definitely do not try anything that will heavily impact your body without consulting your surgeons advice.
And well done on the weight loss!

In your situation (considering surgery, wedding, honeymoon and your age), I'd wait and start in the new year.

But to say, I know how you feel and know it's tough when you want something so bad. I was nearing 35 with a wedding date which kept moving due to covid so had to make lots of decisions to start TTC or wait. But even when you consider all of the practical stuff; in the end the heart wants what it wants. Not an easy time.
Good luck to you with whatever you decide :) xx

I conceived shortly after a surgery. It was with my doctor’s strong advice, but still within a window where I was only advised to start ttc because of my age and because they believed my odds of conceiving naturally were extremely low. The plan was to start fertility treatments at the end of the official healing period. I got pregnant immediately and ended up with a stressful, incredibly micro-managed pregnancy. Dc was born perfectly healthy so I have no regrets, but I would not advise anyone young enough to have real options to make a similar choice.

So I had my coil out in April because it wasn’t agreeing with me. DP and I are getting married in July so we thought well, people take ages to conceive so why not get a head start? I was pregnant within a month and have been VERY lucky just to feel a bit sick/headachey/stomach-crampy but , I’m still reeeeally anxious about having to leg it out of the ceremony to be sick. Oh and my dress is too tight and I’m only 8 weeks 🤦🏼‍♀️

I'd enjoy your wedding and honeymoon, OP. You're both young and have time.

I'm currently 11 weeks' pregnant and for the the last 5 weeks, my sickness has been really up and down. Some days I'm fine and other days I feel dreadful. I'm also still completely exhausted by the first trimester sucking all of the energy out of me. I could easily fall asleep at my desk at 3pm every day.

I couldn't think of anything worse right now then boarding a long haul flight whilst feeling so pukey.

In all honesty it wasn’t that bad. I really enjoyed pregnancy but in my experience weeks 6-10 just wiped me out.
tiredness was unreal and I had to snack on sour things constantly to keep the nausea at bay.
the skin problems was very difficult but it was winter so I felt better about it than I would have in summer.

i can understand why you feel every second you wait to TTC is time lost. But you’re so close now to your wedding, it will fly by.
i would possibly switch destinations if you can due to zika if you want to TTC straight away but don’t put yourself under pressure right before your wedding

I say wait. You spent alot if money on wedding and honeymoon, I think you might not enjoy it if you are worrying about TTC or if pregnant, feeling morning, sorry, all day sickness (;D).

Do not go against medical advice. That's the main thing that matters here.

You are only 26, I thought you were going to be late 30s at least. You've got tons of time, and you shouldn't really be trying until the time is up after your operation. Follow the doctor's orders, wait, and enjoy your honeymoon.

i know how desperately impatient you must feel and also terrified that it might never happen. I felt just the same and remember it so very well. Really painful and all consuming.
but I really think you should wait. Distract, distract, distract. Save like crazy and enjoy daydreaming all the plans for pregnancy and baby when it does happen. Believe it will because you might as well look forward to it.
amd check the Zika advice carefully sure I remember a thread where the male partner was being advised to hold off on ttc longer think it was 6 months due to the virus surviving in sperm, but this only applies if he actually caught the virus in first place? You should check that out yourself but just thought I’d raise it.

Thanks everyone. I completely understand that it seems very young me being 26.. but after the rollercoaster we've had with TTC I'm obviously not feeling so positive about it. Technically age is on my side, but when I struggle to / can't conceive in the first place it feels like it could be a forever ongoing battle.

Another one saying wait as September really isnt that long away (its July tomorrow!) and you might end up feeling sad if you get a negative pregnancy test and spoiling the run up to your wedding! Also as others have said, if you are lucky and fall straight away you will still be in the feeling sick and yuck stage on your wedding day - not good!

Are you taking any supplements? I'd start taking folic acid and vitamin D now and use these next few months to keep making your body as healthy as possible with the goal of trying in the new year.

Good luck and CONGRATULATIONS on both of your amazing weight losses!

Also holidays change when you have little ones, so treat your honeymoon as potentially the last chance for a while to completely switch off, relax, have some lovely meals and enjoy each others company.

@brondysan

Op you are 26! 26!

chill out on the TTC

just focus on your wedding and your honey moon
you have plenty of time to think about babies after.

you really don’t want to be in the early days of pregnancy when you get married. - sickness, weight gain, poor skin, constipation, exhaustion, etc etc do you really want all that on your wedding day?!

You can start TTC early next year when the three month period post potential zika exposure has passed

don’t change your honeymoon destination to somewhere you want to go less - you might never get the chance to go there ever again abs you will look back and regret it and think why the fuck didn’t I for the sake of waiting just a couple of months

NHS fertility testing is crap... for 9 years they said where where unexplained and fine.

Turns out I have PCOS and DH has tetrozospermia, were both infertile and the NHS missed both but it was found instantly when we went private.

NHS said I 'couldnt' have PCOS because I wasnt overweight or heirtuse and my hormones looked within range. They monitored my hormones regularly but thats basically all they did bar a cerical swab, std testing and a HSG.

I have A-typical PCOS (in classic PCOS the body makes too many eggs so ups the hormones to try and match the number of eggs, this imbalances all the bodies hormones. In Atypical PCOS the body makes too many eggs but does NOT up the hormone meaning the fertility proccess stalls out because theres not enough hormone to support the amount of eggs its trying to mature) so hormone imbalances dont show up.

They some how completely missed my DH being infertile in the 2 tests they ran (but they only ran 2 SAs in 9 YEARS).

My advice... go private, if your genuinely excited to move on then do IVF abroad on honeymoon, its far cheaper (as long as its not the USA) and usually far better than here. We did IVF abroad and it was easy and like a holiday but with a few doctors appointments, its not as grueling a process as we worry it will be.

Fertility Friends forum has a whole forum with sub forums for different countries IVF if your interested.

Come off birth control for your honeymoon for the true honeymoon baby, it's very soon, hang in there. Amazing on your weight loss, it is bound to help

OP, given your age, your recent surgery and your planned honeymoon in a Zika destination, I would wait until January.

Have a wonderful wedding and honeymoon, focus on your health, and TTC once you're three months post honeymoon.