Grandparent and 18th birthday

[AvonCallingBarksdale]

Happy to be told IABU. DS will be 18 in a few weeks. One set of GPs started saving for their DGC when they were born - and each grandchild gets that money on their 18th birthday. I think they were putting in about £5 per week so adds up to a v generous sum by 18.
My DM asked me yesterday what she should get DS for his birthday and asked if there were any books or a voucher he would like. I’m absolutely sure she won’t have anything else planned.
A lot of my friends’ parents have set up savings accounts did DGC - it seems quite a popular thing to do and not at all out of the ordinary and these are not super wealthy people at all - a few pounds a week over a long period of time. Feels like a really nice thing to have done and I know DH’s DP are looking forward to surprising DS with his “pot”.
AIBU to feel a bit disappointed/let down by my DM on this? It’s not really the money or the amount as such, more the thought, or lack of. Feels like a bit of a damp squib that she’s not done anything so far for her GS 18th. For context, I have no siblings, so DM has one DGS and one DGD.

Gosh, sorry yes YABU. They’ve asked what their grandchild would like for a nice gift on their 18th.
If the other set of grandparents want to give savings that’s lovely, but it really is unreasonable to feel disgruntled if they don’t. Your children are fortunate to have two sets of loving grandparents - that will stand them in good stead.

Hugely unreasonable!

I think you're being unfair - it's a massively generous thing to do, it's not fair to expect everyone to do it.

I got a similar gift off an uncle when I turned 18. I was blown away by how kind it was, I absolutely did not think any different of my other aunts and uncles who hadn't done the same!!

Thank you. I think I need someone to give my head a wobble 😬

YABU and totally unfair on your mother. I didn't get a saving point on my 18th from my grandparents, to be honest I don't know anyone who did. Sure it's a nice gesture but to expect it?

YABU

I think YABU but can understand - I think you need to look at how they celebrate/mark birthdays etc Eg my DF is hugely generous at birthdays to me and my DB -he is very senior and do when it comes to his only DG, my DS14 he will ask me to buy something he would really like and he will pay for it - so for Christmas DS got Air For Ed at around £110 and a history game - tbh if I had said he needs a new bike and it's £400 he would have happily paid for one - equally fit birthday I bought DS aftershave from him - i got a good deal at £25 (instead of £50) and DF bought that for his birthday.

Equally on DH side DS14 is also only much loved grandchild - but they don't really do presents or birthdays really - if you get a card in time that's really great - my MIL gave my DS a £5 cheque for his birthday several months after event , tbh I can hardly recall her ever buying my DH a birthday or Christmas gift over the years / that said she gave him £3000 a few years ago because she thought he could do with a treat - incredibly generous.

My DH doesn't care one bit about birthdays or Christmas - just the way he and his family are. Perhaps it's the same for your DM ?

I hope my DC don't think the same when they get to the right age. My parents don't have the money to put even a few pounds a week aside. DH's family has more money and eventually they'll get a big gift there (although I've literally never heard of grandparents putting money aside like this). It's not a reflection of the love or care on either side.

Your poor mum.

I think yabu. Sorry. Its lovely of his one set of grandparents to have saved, but you can't expect that from your mum as well.

What are you giving him, OP? Have you managed to save £5 a week for 18 years? Seems like a really nice thing to do…

Wobble Wobble Wobble

There you go!

Don't mention it - I do it all the time 😊

YABU. Massively so. 18 is just another birthday. Your DC will receive a gift from their DGM. I really can't believe this is something anyone would think was reasonable or be disappointed about

Have you saved much for your kids OP?

@OhThatChicken it’s not DS thinking this, it’s me asking! He and my DM adore each other, they’re v close.
As I said, happy to be told IABU.

Eh? Who gets a massive savings pot from their GPs at 18? Maybe landed gentry and the rich. This isn't a thing. You look after your dc, maybe when she dies she will be able to pass a bit on to you.

@HeadWobbler thank you for the wobble. For those asking, yes we have saved money for the DC but that wasn’t what I was asking 🫤

WOW your poor Mum. My sister and I got shares on our 18th, 21st and 25th birthdays from our maternal grandparents, cards and small presents from paternal grandparents, we appreciated both and would never expect that for our children, money does not equate to love.

ZenNudist · Today 20:31
Eh? Who gets a massive savings pot from their GPs at 18? Maybe landed gentry and the rich. This isn't a thing. You look after your dc, maybe when she dies she will be able to pass a bit on to you

Umm as I said, I know quite a few who’ve done this - a few quid a week isn’t really landed gentry is it. Just because it isn’t a thing for you doesn’t mean it literally isn’t a thing!

Feels like a really nice thing to have done

Then why didn’t you do it yourself? 😂

This post is crazy. It is absolutely not the normal for grandparents to save every week from birth until a grandchild’s 18th birthday! Despite what you are trying to convince yourself it isn’t that common.

YABCU.

Of course you are annoyed about the money, how can you be upset about the lack of effort when it’s weeks away and your DM is already thinking about a gift and asking what you think for her ideas?

YABU - There is no way my DM could afford to do this for her GC nor did she save up any money for me.

Feel very sorry for your DM that you are asking this. You sound very greedy for your child.

Thanks for all the replies - some more constructive than others but it is AIBU after all!
Will take the 100% YABU on board. No need for anyone to fret about my mum, she’s fine 😀.

I mean 99% of your vote is saying yabu. I've never heard of grandparents giving a lump some it's usually a nice gift or money. You really need to have a word with yourself are you embarrassed to tell your inlaws your mum just got him a gift ?

So money grabbing. Embarassing.

I thought you were going to ask if YABU to be worried that your mum might feel embarrassed with a smaller present, or that your child may think less of her because of it.

You are beginning VERY unreasonable "to feel a bit disappointed/let down by [your] DM".

Your poor mum...

I really feel it for your Mum. Imagine her knowing you are pitting her 18th against your MIL’s contribution. Hopefully she never finds out. So glad you gave your head a wobble.