Grandparent and 18th birthday

[AvonCallingBarksdale]

Happy to be told IABU. DS will be 18 in a few weeks. One set of GPs started saving for their DGC when they were born - and each grandchild gets that money on their 18th birthday. I think they were putting in about £5 per week so adds up to a v generous sum by 18.
My DM asked me yesterday what she should get DS for his birthday and asked if there were any books or a voucher he would like. I’m absolutely sure she won’t have anything else planned.
A lot of my friends’ parents have set up savings accounts did DGC - it seems quite a popular thing to do and not at all out of the ordinary and these are not super wealthy people at all - a few pounds a week over a long period of time. Feels like a really nice thing to have done and I know DH’s DP are looking forward to surprising DS with his “pot”.
AIBU to feel a bit disappointed/let down by my DM on this? It’s not really the money or the amount as such, more the thought, or lack of. Feels like a bit of a damp squib that she’s not done anything so far for her GS 18th. For context, I have no siblings, so DM has one DGS and one DGD.

This. 1,000%

Well to be fair this is quite common in my circle and I’m as working class as they come. Dad was a miner and made redundant in the pit closures in the 80’s (reference for anyone who watched Sherwood)
My parents saved a couple of pounds a week for my two children which paid for driving lessons.

Wow. Did you put £5 a week aside for your kids?

Perhaps focus on the loving relationship you say you have with your mother instead of coming online to express your disappointment in her lack of financial support for your child.

Wow I'm so disgusted that you even have such a thought. I have never heard anyone do this long term saving thing- I don't think I will as well. Your poor mum, being thoughtful enough to try get him something special and here you are with such thoughts. Shame on you really.

Oh my goodness, yes sorry you are definitely being unreasonable here.

Please do not say any of this to your mum. She's clearly looking forward to getting her GD a gift. Surely your daughter will just be delighted with anything

Sorry meant son not daughter*

My parents have 7 grandchildren. There is no way I would expect them to be saving for all of them.

YABU and hugely entitled.

£5 a week! My parents have nine grandkids ... lmao at expecting them to save best part of £200 a month for the precious darlings' 18ths.

Yes you're being totally unreasonable & a bit of an arse tbh.

I have 9 dgc and 6 are now 18. I gave them each a gift of their choice +£50 cash.
dgs1 wanted a memory foam mattress and dgd 1 wanted some gold earrings. Dgd2 wanted a pair of slippers with sequin rainbows…etc

Horrendously unreasonable OP but salvaged thanks to Mumsnet !!!

I'm the grandparent that hasn't put money away in a pot for granddaughter, the other grandparents have. But I'm also the grandparent who spends two days a week with her, taught her how to ride a bike and grow tomatoes, paid for swimming lessons and takes her to every one if them, attended school events, by her school uniform, decorated her bedroom etc. The other set of grandparents live near by but just pop in to see her for an hour or so sporadically and that's it. When she turns 18 she'll be gifted the savings pot from them and I intend to gift her something special, perhaps a nice piece of jewellery or money towards a car but I've been present throughout her life which is of more value I think.

Yes nothing like the power of AIBU handing one’s backside to one on a plate 🤣

have a good evening, all.

I dread to think what’s expected for the 21st 😬 I’m sorry but you’re being hugely unreasonable.
Having grandparents here to spend time with their grandchildren on these milestone birthdays is what’s important!

@Mrsfussypants1 As someone who grew up with two very similar sets of grandparents to what you describe - please worry about NOTHING else other than gifting her your time ❤️ Of course, I appreciated everything from both - but the reality is, I don’t really know one set. We have a very formal relationship. My “time” grandparents were the most important influences in my life.

Unfortunately I lost one of my “time” grandparents in 2016 and the other 2 months ago. They were my best friends. I’m beyond lucky to have had that time and to have known them like I did. I was privileged enough to have my 1st DS get to spend his first 18 months getting to know his Great Grandfather and to see my Grandfather’s face when he held his Great Grandson for the first time and was told that I’d named him after him.

Thought this was going to be a post about you worrying your mum might feel embarrassed, not you being fed up with her for not giving more 😂

5 x 52 = £260 x 18 = £4680

I thought you were being unreasonable then I remembered my poor late mum did give both our children money to open savings bonds with - not as 18th birthday presents - and my FIL did too. But we weren't expecting them to do this.
We wouldn't have felt embarrassed or disappointed if either of them hadn't.

Yes, yabu. That’s your job, not your mother’s.

So your child will get £5000 and you wish it was £10,000?
18 is very young to be gifted that amount of money, thankfully my DD can't touch her inheritance until she's 23 and hopefully more sensible.

I'm really surprised so many think YABU . I don't think its uncommon at all for grandparents to have savings pots for grandchildren . Obs just on MN then .

I also get the impression you feel disappointed with your DM just offering a book or voucher which doesn't sound terribly special or different to any other birthday .

I think you just have to accept maybe she doesn't value birthdays as others do especially as you haven't mentioned she has limited resources.

As long as your son is happy with his gift that's all that really matters

@Lexi334 I'm so sorry for your loss 💐

Maybe she thinks 21st is the big birthday?

I’m embarrassed for you right now.

YABVU.

Hard to believe you really feel this way.