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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grandparent and 18th birthday

75 replies

AvonCallingBarksdale · 29/06/2022 19:58

Happy to be told IABU. DS will be 18 in a few weeks. One set of GPs started saving for their DGC when they were born - and each grandchild gets that money on their 18th birthday. I think they were putting in about £5 per week so adds up to a v generous sum by 18.
My DM asked me yesterday what she should get DS for his birthday and asked if there were any books or a voucher he would like. I’m absolutely sure she won’t have anything else planned.
A lot of my friends’ parents have set up savings accounts did DGC - it seems quite a popular thing to do and not at all out of the ordinary and these are not super wealthy people at all - a few pounds a week over a long period of time. Feels like a really nice thing to have done and I know DH’s DP are looking forward to surprising DS with his “pot”.
AIBU to feel a bit disappointed/let down by my DM on this? It’s not really the money or the amount as such, more the thought, or lack of. Feels like a bit of a damp squib that she’s not done anything so far for her GS 18th. For context, I have no siblings, so DM has one DGS and one DGD.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 29/06/2022 20:46

I ta,e you have savings accounts for your kids?

Lulu1919 · 29/06/2022 20:48

My grandparents didn't do this for me
My children's grandparents didn't do this
Will I .....depends on what else's I do ....some childcare help or lots of days out etc etc over time..then probably not
It's lovely one set did but dont hold it against the other set because they didn't .

woodhill · 29/06/2022 20:49

Yabu

It's not a given

ApricotSuite · 29/06/2022 20:50

Of course you are!

Save your own money for your own child and enjoy surprising him if it's a nice thing to do.

What did you put in his Child Trust Fund?

Original poster
AvonCallingBarksdale · 29/06/2022 20:50

@pinkyredrose you asked that on pg1 and I answered on pg1 with a yes.

I have accepted IABU 😀

OP posts:
Belledan1 · 29/06/2022 20:51

Think you should be grateful your child is getting all that money off one grandparent and extremely lucky. Also your Mom is asking re a present. That's nice. My son has no grandparents now but would have been lucky if he got a 10.00.

Eightiesfan · 29/06/2022 20:51

I cannot believe this is a serious question. If you want your children to get a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, when they turn 18, maybe you should have been saving £5.00 a week for them, and not be so entitled and grabby.

DelosParks · 29/06/2022 20:52

Every friend I know whose dc got a fair whack of hard saved money in their CTF when they were eighteen has blown it on holidays and booze.

Watzzap · 29/06/2022 20:53

I have 3 dgc. I don’t have a lot of money to live on, but I do put a small amount of money away every month for them. It’s not much, but hopefully they will appreciate a few thousand pounds when they are 18.

roarfeckingroarr · 29/06/2022 20:55

I don't think YABU. Most people I know do this.

Tentpegsandtantrums · 29/06/2022 20:58

I think some posters are being deliberately obtuse here. It can be embarrassing when one side of the family is generous and the other not! FWIW OP, we will have exactly this situation. PIL save for our DC regularly. Bits and bobs here and there and then a generous amount each birthday. We do the same. My DM, whilst she could afford it, doesn’t. PIL are extremely generous with their time and money and my DM - well - isn’t! There are multiple reasons for this, one being her twat of a husband. She wasn’t like this when I was a child! So - I hear you and I don’t think there is an answer really. The kicker for me is it being treated like any other birthday - it’s as though your DM hasn’t though to put in any extra effort, monetary or otherwise. That must hurt.

redwaterbottle · 29/06/2022 21:03

I adored my grandmother. She was salt of the earth. Had very little money but the time and love she gave me meant everything. I can't even remember if she gave me anything on my 18th. I think you're being massively unreasonable.

Original poster
AvonCallingBarksdale · 29/06/2022 21:05

@Watzzap it’s a lovely gesture, your DGC will be delighted, I’m sure. 😀

Thanks for all the responses - again, for those asking, yes we do have savings accounts for the DC. They’re v lucky to have 3 grandparents, all lovely relationships.
My DM is fine, no need to feel bad for her. We’re a typically close family - lots of love, loudness, laughter from everyone.
It’s a resounding YABU. It’s definitely not an unusual thing to do in my circle but understand that it’s not necessarily the norm.

OP posts:
Louise0701 · 29/06/2022 21:05

How much will your pot be for him and how much will his grandparents pot be?

YABU to expect your mum to of spent 18 years saving for your sons 18th. She’s offered a lovely gift already. You sound grabby and entitled.

Louise0701 · 29/06/2022 21:06

@AvonCallingBarksdale lots of love yet you write a post online bad mouthing her gift giving and lack of savings for your child…

wow.

Original poster
AvonCallingBarksdale · 29/06/2022 21:07

@Tentpegsandtantrums yes, this, thank you.

OP posts:
cheninblanc · 29/06/2022 21:09

Yabu. And very entitled. Its not for ant grandparent to save for your children. Fyi my dd got no money at all from anyone on her 18th and still had an amazing time

pinkyredrose · 29/06/2022 21:09

AvonCallingBarksdale · 29/06/2022 20:50

@pinkyredrose you asked that on pg1 and I answered on pg1 with a yes.

I have accepted IABU 😀

Oh sorry i missed that! Actually i tried on my mates glasses the other day and words looked suddenly clearer, i think i may invest in some!

PinkBuffalo · 29/06/2022 21:10

Yabu but well done op for recognising it
she getting him present that is fine
i get all my nieces and nephews a £10 Starbucks/Costa card for xmas and bdays they always happy with it cos it gets them a treat and they are ages from 8 to adults

Original poster
AvonCallingBarksdale · 29/06/2022 21:11

pinkyredrose · Today 21:09
AvonCallingBarksdale
@pinkyredrose you asked that on pg1 and I answered on pg1 with a yes.

I have accepted IABU 😀
Oh sorry i missed that! Actually i tried on my mates glasses the other day and words looked suddenly clearer, i think i may invest in some!

😁

OP posts:
Misstes · 29/06/2022 21:12

It’s your mum I feel sorry for how’s she gonna feel when his other grandparents announce he has loads of savings on his 18th and she just has a small gift. I’d give her a heads up personally if she doesn’t know already.

Cantanka · 29/06/2022 21:13

Fair play for accepting YABU OP!

I would also say it’s nice your mother wants to get him something he would like for his birthday. Not every grandparent bothers but she is thinking ahead and asking your advice to try to arrange something thoughtful for him.

I don’t know anyone who got savings on their 18th. I know some who had the university paid for or whatever, but no one who had a lump sum as an 18th gift. It’s not an accurate frame of reference to compare your mother to.

Numbat2022 · 29/06/2022 21:13

Obviously YABU, and I also think it's a bit daft giving an 18 year old a large sum of money. They're not the most responsible creatures.

RobertaFirmino · 29/06/2022 21:19

a few quid a week isn’t really landed gentry is it

No but for many people, it simply isn't possible. A few (3?) quid a week adds up to £12 a month and some just do not have this money.

yepmetooo · 29/06/2022 21:20

My dp did this but exh dp didn't but they did give nice jewellery. Hope your ds is more sensible than mine. It all got blown on designer hoodies and merch 🙄