To ask DH to pay half the mortgage after split?

[Inthefirepit]

We’re splitting, he wants to stay on the mortgage (house isn’t selling so taken off market and agreed me and DC will stay in it) however, he only wants to pay child maintenance (bare minimum/legal requirement) because it states CM includes ‘costs of housing’. He thinks I’m being unreasonable for asking for half the mortgage payments while he’s still owning half and CM and that he will struggle to live on his wage (we will both struggle either way) when he moves out.

3 very young DC (1 of them a baby still on the breast, 1 a toddler and 1 just started school) I will be working around his hours just over minimum wage in social care to cover my costs.

You can get financial legal help for mediation without full legal aid.

Opinions from non legally trained people is as much use as a chocolate teapot.

Really the only thing that matters is the legal position, which probably means that you won't get what you want.

My personal opinion is that you are not reasonable to expect him to pay half the mortgage and child maintenance too. Your ex isn't reasonable to refuse to sell the house at it's actual value and not pay his share of the mortgage. The only way forward is to sell the house and move on.

You can claim UC whilst still living together.

please get proper advice on that as it absolutely can happen.

Of course it's unreasonable to ask him to pay half the mortgage. If you can't afford to buy him out or vice versa then you should really sell.

I think he's also being unreasonable though, it's tough one.

The fact that you are in a situation where neither of you are separating your current finances, have no plans in place to legally resolve your future finances and are not claiming the benefits which would give you financial independence and stop you having to ask for things from an ex suggests one of you intends to financially abuse the other, and I can't tell which one.

Legal remedies exist to prevent financial abuse. If he is emotionally abusive, he won't stop on separation.

No he doesn't have to and shouldn't pay half the mortgage. Be lovely if that were the case wouldn't it! Buy him out or sell.

Unfortunately I think you will have to have more, if this is what he’s doing now, it won’t get better.

the OP wants to sell - he won’t accept a realistic price

id suggest his intention is clear.

Blocking the house sale, blocking her claiming benefits, and blocking her right to live in a home without him (because as co-owner he’ll be able to just let himself in whenever he wants).

Someone I know was in this situation. Her XDH moved out but he apparently couldn’t afford half mortgage or CM but she couldn’t buy him out either as no mortgage lender would offer Hera mortgage on her own (even though she was paying it anyway).

They went on like this for a few years and are just selling now with her getting a higher proportion of the equity. (She only started to claim CM recently too).

The only way this happened is because family were now able to help her out otherwise she would have remained in a stalemate. It’s tough and must be a common problem.

If he's paid for half the house when residing there and now being expected to continue to pay half the mortgage when he's not, why on earth shouldn't he expect half the equity when it's eventual sold. ?

I think the mortgage and child maintenance are separate matters.

As PP have said, he is jointly liable for the mortgage so should pay half of it.

Then, separately, he is required to pay maintenance for his children. Yes, that is to cover "living costs", but at no point in the CMS calculation does it ask you to confirm what "living costs" you're already separately paying. If you're paying half the mortgage, the CMS calculation doesn't reduce.

When my Uncle and Aunt split up, she left the home and left my DU with the house and the children. She couldn't afford to pay her half of the mortgage so they had a financial arrangement where the capital appreciation of the property to the point of her leaving was valued and agreed between them. He then took over paying the mortgage in its entirety and when the property was eventually sold (when the youngest child finished education), she got her capital element only and any further appreciation afterwards went to him alone.

Don't think she paid him any maintenance either though, but that's by the by...

Could you get the house valued, 3 valuations, then he only gets any profit up to that point. Any uplift after that price is only for you?

I think I've dm'd you 🤔

He has to pay for his share of his house and children IMO.
The children he's stuck with but if he wants to not have to pay for the house then he needs to stop being obstructive re. selling it.
In general though, it is unreasonable to expect him to pay half house, CMS and his own living costs. But this was his choice. Sick it up buttercup.