To ask DH to pay half the mortgage after split?

[Inthefirepit]

We’re splitting, he wants to stay on the mortgage (house isn’t selling so taken off market and agreed me and DC will stay in it) however, he only wants to pay child maintenance (bare minimum/legal requirement) because it states CM includes ‘costs of housing’. He thinks I’m being unreasonable for asking for half the mortgage payments while he’s still owning half and CM and that he will struggle to live on his wage (we will both struggle either way) when he moves out.

3 very young DC (1 of them a baby still on the breast, 1 a toddler and 1 just started school) I will be working around his hours just over minimum wage in social care to cover my costs.

I totally get that a solicitor may not be affordable OP. Your opening post sounded like things were going to get pretty confrontational but if you’ve managed to sort other issues then that’s something.

He can’t just refuse to sell, you can force him if it comes to that.

If he can’t afford to move out and pay half the mortgage then the house has to be sold, and you remain living together until it does.

This

You are still missing the point.

Yes solicitors cost, and you will most likely need to fund some advice and representation at some point. But access as much free EXPERIENCED AND PROFESSIONAL advice as you can on the likes of wikivorce before paying out, this will give you a clearer expectation of what is likely to happen rather than what dozens of mn users who've never been in your situation think should happen

Your house will sell for the right price.
If her refuses to sell, a court can force him to.
He won't (well, vanishingly unlikely to) be expected to house you in the former marital home AND pay his own rent AND pay cms.
You WILL be expected to maximise your income (including claiming benefits, single person council tax reduction etc); you will be expected to use appropriate childcare if available.

Stop taking legal advice from mumsnet AIBU.

He should continue paying half the mortgage, but then you should pay rent to him for half market value - which is probably far more than the mortgage.

If he has money and you don’t, but you need a solicitor to advise you properly on a fair division of assets in the divorce, then he should be paying for you to have a solicitor. The costs associated with that can be considered as part of the settlement. He can bear the costs of drafting the order, but you need legal advice to go into mediation with and to agree the final order (that’s the cheaper option for you).

It’s not a ‘middle class luxury’. You have a shared home (potentially pensions and other assets), shared children to provide for, and different earning potentials - you do need proper advice about a consent order. Unless you are splitting up and have no assets at all, you need advice.

You don’t necessarily need a child arrangements order or anything like that - you can have an informal arrangement there. If you and your H can be reasonable and agree something based on legal advice, it need not cost too much. He can bear the more significant costs, and your upfront costs by the sounds of it.

No one has a crystal ball. What happens if, when you do come to sell, the house value has dropped? No one knows how the housing market will go.

Is he the sort of spiteful bastard that would quit his job?

And any agreement you make has to be approved by the Court otherwise it’s not legally binding.

Agree with this. I don't think many people would be able to pay 50% of a mortgage for a place they're not living in, plus CM, plus housing costs for themselves.

I'd think the house needs to be sold.

I have 3 very young DC with him and I was asking if I’m being unreasonable to ask for him to pay half of a mortgage he will be profiting on in the years to come (when he finally agrees to sell)

you’ll be profiting on it as well. If he isn’t contributing to the mortgage can you look at getting it valued now and ringfence any increase in equity.

have you looked at extending the mortgage term or asking for interest only? Obviously long run it will leave you both with less equity but will make it affordable until your kids are older and you can start supporting yourself.

Yabu for taking legal advice from MN AIBU. You clearly have access to the Internet where there are many more helpful resources!!!

You have been given poor advice. You are entitled to universal credit while living together if you have ended the relationship.

Do you still have a joint bank account? Remove your name from it.

You will then be entitled to legal aid.

You can move out of the property and rent somewhere else and do not have to remain in the property.

There are also no costs to an occupation order which would decide temporarily who pays the mortgage.

Get legal aid and get the judge to agree lowering the selling price.

I believe you can claim UC while he's there we long as you're clear you've split and don't cook for one another/ do each other's laundry etc.

Good luck.

My friend is currently getting divorced & they are using mediator to try to sort finances - would this be an option?

Let’s just get this straight.. nowhere in my post did I ask.. “is he legally obliged?”, I’m NOT asking for legal advice, I’m asking if it’s a reasonable enough request for him to pay half of our mortgage as he’s requesting to stay on to own it, but move out, that’s it.

Your opinions are then made or advice then given, but to tell me to stop asking for legal advice when it’s not what I’m doing in the first place is genuinely bizarre.

You should be able to demonstrate very clearly that the relationship is over for UC purposes from what you have said. Your divorce papers, letter from your women's aid support worker about the DA, your agreements from CAB.

It is possible you would be far better off financially if you moved out of the property, as UC takes your rent into account. Although if there is a lot of capital in the property, you may not be eligible for UC once the house has sold as you can live off the assets.

Well no, you are not being reasonable then.

You are unlikely to get a mortgage based on your current circumstances.

You currently benefit from having the joint mortgage you already have and you want him to pay half your housing costs as well as his own.

He should sell the house and get a new mortgage on his own and start to build up his own assets.

Not half my housing costs, half of the mortgage we both share.

If he’s refusing to market the house for a realistic price then any legal efforts (and money) would be better spent on having a solicitor set out clearly to him that you are considering beginning the process to force a sale without his permission.

If you are both low earners living paycheque to paycheque as you say then there isn’t going to be provision made for you above child maintenance. If he doesn’t have the money to pay half the mortgage and house himself elsewhere, it won’t be ordered. It’s unclear what you mean by him insisting he wants to stay on the mortgage and you treating it as though you’re doing him a favour by letting him: neither of you can do anything else, as it doesn’t sound as though you earn enough that a bank would allow you to take the mortgage on without him.

They are the housing costs of a property you live in and he does not.

If you think it is unfair, move out and pay rent.

Ah ok. Then I'd say no its not reasonable tbh. Maybe a quarter and you pay an extra quarter as rent something like that.

Ha!

YANBU to ask him.

YABU to assume that he would be completely OK with agreeing to contribute half to (the mortgage, the most substantive cost of) your housing costs (not including utility bills which are irrelevant in this situation). YA also BU to think that seeking advice/support/agreement from the unqualified/inexperienced mn is in any way representative of what is actually likely to happen when you eventually get this rubber stamped at court, and for completely disregarding any recommendation to seek free legal advice.

FYI access to legal aid funding even for documented DV is ridiculously difficult, I suspect, disappointingly that you may have quite a fight to access it in your case from your posts.

He’s being unreasonable, as I’m certain he’ll be claiming his half of the equity when you do eventually sell the house.

You need to sell up, how can you expect him to pay half the mortgage whilst also being able to live elsewhere and pay the costs that entails?

There is no automatic 'half' of the equity. Until they get a consent order, he could be entitled to none of the equity, 90%, 10% we don't know.

Without a consent order, even forty years from now when one of them has bought a second house and built up a 400k pension, all their assets remain claimable by the other party.

I agree about legal aid.

My daughter received legal aid for family court, but she was living in a refuge, had left with £10 and had a two small children. For the divorce she had to use legal help rather than legal aid, but they did go above and beyond what legal help usually entails.

I really don't think she would have got legal aid if she had been living with her ex.

I agree, I’m not going to get legal aid.