To ask DH to pay half the mortgage after split?

[Inthefirepit]

We’re splitting, he wants to stay on the mortgage (house isn’t selling so taken off market and agreed me and DC will stay in it) however, he only wants to pay child maintenance (bare minimum/legal requirement) because it states CM includes ‘costs of housing’. He thinks I’m being unreasonable for asking for half the mortgage payments while he’s still owning half and CM and that he will struggle to live on his wage (we will both struggle either way) when he moves out.

3 very young DC (1 of them a baby still on the breast, 1 a toddler and 1 just started school) I will be working around his hours just over minimum wage in social care to cover my costs.

The fairest and Cheapest way is to rent a small flat nearby and share both, plus do 50:50 on childcare until the house can be sold

If you can't afford to pay for the house on your own then the best thing to do would be to sell up. There isn't a house that exists that won't sell, but the price has to be right. Are you or your husband asking too much for it? Any offers?

Most divorces these days are clean break, with the property sold and equity split. The courts will look at what is fair for everyone (mostly the children) and your husband's ability to afford this is taken into account.

How long do you expect him to pay for a house he isn’t living in? Him staying on the mortgage presumably means you don’t have the upheaval of moving, while you can’t afford to give him his balance of the equity in the house. Him paying half the mortgage means he can’t afford to rent somewhere else, and him staying on the mortgage means he won’t be able to buy somewhere else. There’s a reason a clean break is preferable.

It would be fairer to either buy him out, or sell and split the proceeds - if he remained on the mortgage I’d expect him to cover his living costs (including CM) and you to cover your living costs with the future equity split in the house reflecting its value now as he won’t be contributing to the mortgage and therefore shouldn’t benefit from future appreciation.

OP AIBU is not the best place to ask this sort of tricky legal question.

If you are separating/divorcing then you need to finalise things. There is only so much money in the joint pot. He cannot (legally) be made to pay the mortgage in addition to his rent - the CM IS his contribution to house the dc, you are required to contribute your share of housing the dc and yourself.

Your house WILL sell at the right price.

Have a look on a more knowledgeable forum like wikivorce, where you will get qualified and experienced advice (for free) rather than a witch hunt in AIBU.

The fact that you cannot work freely needs to be taken into account OP. Joint costs cannot be split equally if one party is not free to work to their full capacity.

Put the house back on the market and lower the price.

Unfortunately it's a woolly area legally. My solicitor argued he should pay both, his solicitor argued the opposite. I have spent thousands fighting my exH (still not divorced) as when he moved out he said he would pay half mortgage and maintenance until youngest was 18 (she was 4 at the time). He earns a good size 6 figure salary so was easily affordable. Anyway he did it for a few months and then stopped. So for 18 months I paid all the mortgage myself and he's just bought me out, only giving me my half of the equity. In fact he's done bloody brilliantly out of it as house prices have rocketed since it was valued for divorce. But he was financially abusive and even said in mediation he was going to starve me and the kids out of the home. Unfortunately I ran out of money to fight him so moved out in February and he moved into our family home with his pregnant girlfriend 💔.
So if possible, I'd say sell and split the equity as people can't be trusted orel relied on, especially when new partners come on the scene x

@Hankunamatata he won’t sell at a lower price I’m afraid and we both need to be in agreement to sell the house.

@Angustiada bloody el I’m so sorry! You’ve been seriously put through it!

Solicitor.

Like fuck would I be working around his hours though, especially as you may be entitle to benefits as a single mum.

Honestly paying to see a solicitor for advice, will be cheaper than paying the whole mortgage.

If he refuses to pay half the mortgage and refuses to let you price it to sell then you will go into mortgage arrears and it will ultimately be repossessed & sold. This will mean he has a fucked credit rating and the price you get for it will be lower than on open market. Does he realise this?

@Marchmount he knows I’d move heaven and earth before that happened, I’d never let it happen.

If he knows that then you’re going to have an expensive legal battle on your hands. How would you fund the mortgage if he didn’t give you the cash?

I agree with what tiddlleywink has said 100%, OP I would read and take note

I actually think it’s very middle class and ‘head in the clouds’ to just jump to solicitors sorting the problems, it’s not the real world for many working class people. Everyone I know has got divorced without solicitors and just a mediator to sort custody (if/when needed).

Solicitors cost too much money, money is the issue here so although everyone is saying “it will cost you more in the long run” are missing the point, the money is the issue, he has it (because of a good/stable full time job) and I don’t have it to be giving it to solicitors right now. When you don’t live paycheck to paycheck I appreciate it’s hard to relate or give appropriate advice, I respect what you’re saying, I appreciate your prospective but telling someone you’re aiming to help/give advice that they’re unrealistic with their head in the clouds because they can’t afford legal help is insensitive. I’ve booked a session with CAB and we’ve already sorted custody and CM, this is the only issue now. We’re fully aware we’re not going to get rich and will be poorer moving forward but I either do this or put up with however many more years of DA, I’m not doing this as a flippant decision, it’s been a heartbreaking and soul destroying decision.

Its easy to type ‘sell up for less and move on’ but in reality he won’t sell up for less and I can’t move on in that sense, I have 3 very young DC with him and I was asking if I’m being unreasonable to ask for him to pay half of a mortgage he will be profiting on in the years to come (when he finally agrees to sell) because I’ve already been through it with him and want to keep things as easy as possible for all of us (mainly the children) so me and the children can actually be warm, eat and keep our family home so the children have some
stability.

But your missing what people are saying in as much as If you don’t get it sorted now it will become more of a problem and likely much more expensive to sort because of the complexity.

expecting him to pay half the mortgage isn’t realistic. Not long term. If you can’t sort out a sale amicably then you need to get proper advice.

Im not missing any points, im simply saying advice costs, 30 minutes of free legal advice isn’t what you get (I’ve been through similar from a previous relationship)- it’s 10 minutes of what they offer as a service, 10 minutes them listening to the issue, 5 minutes saying they can help then that last 5 minutes trying to book you in and charge for the actual advice and that’s when you can finally get a solicitor to call you back.

I think regardless of whether it is reasonable here what I’m taking from everyone’s opinions is; either go to solicitor to potentially get half or accept I’m not going to get half as I can’t get legal respresentation.

What about saying to him that if he doesn't want to contribute to the mortgage then you get a contract drawn up that states he gets half of £x (£x being the amount of equity there is in the house as of the date of the agreement) but no more than that when the house is eventually sold.
So he gains nothing from you paying the mortgage after the date he stopped contributing to the mortgage?

@IncompleteSenten Yes, I’ve put this to him (similar to the mesher order pp have mentioned) he said he needs to have a think about it (fair enough), I’m hoping that getting an agreement in writing will be the best option all round and I’ll just take premium bank shifts from work (evenings/nights/weekends) to make up the shortfall.

put up with however many more years of DA

Speak to Women’s Aid.

If you stay in the house that is jointly owned you need sound legal advice to stop him just entering the home as he pleases.

Be careful he doesn’t trap you there - can’t leave because you can’t claim housing benefit, can’t stay without him abusing you more.

Women’s aid will help you without costing a fortune.

Thank you. I’ve spoke to WA, they was helpful to a point, he’s emotionally DA, however actually good with boundaries. They’ve gave me links to certain solicitors (this was yesterday) however as HE earns over a certain amount I can’t obtain legal aid (what a great loophole 😅) until I’m on universal credit which I can’t obtain until he moves out 😑helpful.

Obviously he won’t move out until we’ve sorted what’s going on with the house and he’s found a suitable home.. catch 22 isn’t it

Please don't take legal advice off random people on MN. You may be entitled to legal aid if there has been DV. Ring the CLA helpline and they will do an assessment and tell you how to access free legal advice

Someone can't afford to pay half a mortgage plus rehouse/rent themselves. It's unreasonable. You need to agree to buy him out/sell up/or he buys you out. CM is totally separate and doesn't include this type of mortgage arrangement. However if he pays enough to cover half the mortgage plus living costs for the kids, I would say that's a good deal.