To ask if it's unusual to have no friends or family

[LonelyPlanetGirl]

DH and I have no friends. DH is NC with his family and my parents are both dead. I don't have siblings and my aunties/uncles were all NC with my mother (my father was an only child).

I don't speak to anyone other than when I go to hospital appointments or to the shops - I haven't had a proper conversation with anyone other than DH or DD for about 10 years. DH does talk to people at work but doesn't socialise with them at all.

I'm asking whether this is unusual but really I know it is - I suppose what I'm really asking is how many other are in a similar situation?

I’m not in that situation but I’m not sure if it matters how common it is. What matters is whether you’re happy?

Yes I think that is quite unusual, do you work? Are you happy like this?

If so it’s not essential to have a wide social circle it depends more if you’re happy.

I think it's probably less unusual than you think.

I do have a good relationship with my immediate family, but I'm single and due to having spent most of my adult life living abroad, in different places, I have few close friends. Sometimes it bothers me, sometimes it doesn't.

If it is upsetting you there are ways to make friends. I'd it something you would want to look into?

I don’t think it’s uncommon but what’s more important is if you’re happy or not in your circumstances.

I used to have a close circle of friends but moved to the other side of the country and had dc. I never really made other close friends and to be honest it doesn’t bother me. I am so busy with my family that I don’t know when I would fit it in!

I think it is unusual for younger people, maybe less so if you are in your 80s - but how do you feel about it? Are you satisfied with your life or would you like to speak to other people?

This isn’t a great example for your dd. Do you not work?

You mention you have aunts and uncles that were nc with your mum, presumably there are cousins too? Can you ever see yourself making contact with them? I suppose it depends what happened between them and your mum, but do you feel that you have missed out on those relationships?

Are you happy?

Do you work? I have most of my friends from work. I don't really see anyone else. Aside from family

Yes I think it’s unusual. Are you happy? I wouldn’t be at all but that’s me

I haven't had a proper conversation with anyone other than DH or DD for about 10 years

This sounds very extreme to me.

Would you consider joining some groups and activities in your local community?

I'm happy enough day to day - my marriage is brilliant and DD and I are very close - but at times I feel very lonely. Particularly at times like Christmas when I see friends/family spending time together.

I don't work (I'm disabled). I've tried making friends - I moved here when DD was 5 and did try to make friends with the other parents at school but it was a very tight knit group who had known each other forever, and sadly I didn't really fit in.

I used to have a couple of close friends from my home town but we lost touch when I left.

I would find that extremely isolating. Most of my friendships where I live now (5hrs drive from where I grew up) I’ve made through work or dog ownership. If you’re not happy like that I’d suggest starting some hobbies, get yourself out there, maybe a part time job if you don’t work

A little. I don’t have a partner so the only conversations I have in a week is my kids . Apart from that like you it’s just shops and appointments. I speak to my mum once a week . It is quite lonely.

Snap. Between deceased in laws and NC with some family I only actually have my dad in our life and our one friend each (they’re a couple) who we hardly see.

DD is 26.

I don't work - I have limited mobility and an autoimmune condition. I wish I could work.

Maybe join your local women’s institute or something similar. No harm in lighthearted socialising

Not that uncommon, people won't readily admit they don't have many friends or are lonely. I'd still advise going out to volunteer or to a hobby once a week.

You don't need to be besties with anyone, but just to have a chat now and then. It's really good you're close with your DD and DH.

I feel the same.
I have 2 children age 2 & 6 & have never been lonlier.
Before kids, i thought i had lots of friends, we would go out regularly etc, when i had my eldest it all pretty much dialed back to 1 friend & my mum. My friend moved away 5 years ago, she rarely answers my messages or calls now. Was hoping to make friends with mums at the school gates but that hasn't happened, feel like my 6 year old doesnt really have any close friends either. ☹ i take my youngest to toddler groups, but its so hard to make friends there & i feel everyone is so judgy. I only really see my mum, which is once or twice a month. We have no money for me to join any classes or anything.

What about neighbours or chatting to dd friends parents at drop off etc I still do this even though they are teens

it depends if you are happy then It’s no issue how long ld is your dd?

The trouble is, after so long feeling quite isolated, I don't have any confidence at all. Sometimes when I talk to people in shops, for example, I get so nervous I sort of trip over my words and make a mess of it. Then I go over what I've said for ages after feeling embarrassed!

It's silly I know. I didn't used to be like this.

Sorry missed above update re age

It is unusual, yes, but that’s not really the important question - the actual question is whether you’re happy with it and if not, what can you do about it?