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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Managers should give us older workers a bit of respect!

114 replies

Stressedout65 · 28/06/2022 15:21

This is just a rant really. The options are to put up with it or move on. I've been doing my job (not with the same company) for 37 years. I've been a manager but now cruising along looking forward to retiring in a few years. I'm very happy not being a manager & just being that steady reliable person that every dept needs. However, this young girl has been promoted to a manager within the dept, but she's not my line manager. She is studying towards the same qualification I attained 30 years ago. I really think the "power" has gone to her head! She receives a lot of support from my very experienced line manager, which is a good thing of course. However, she seems to have taken the view that she should be micro managing me as well as her other reportees. My own manager does not micro manage me, I do not need it! I know my job inside out, I keep up with technology. There are no new, improved processes she's bringing to the table, she's not teaching me anything new, but seems to think she can tell me what to do to all of a sudden! I'm all for bringing the youngsters on, she's same age as my daughter, but remember youngsters, us oldies who have kept up with the times still have our faculties, do not need micromanaging & therefore deserve a bit more respect than that, we're not office juniors!
How can I manoeuvre her away from me without sounding like a jealous old woman who's had her day in the workplace. Ignoring her seems childish, but I'm.not going to be micromanaged by someone who has so much less experience, not even attained the qualification yet & does not know anything more about my.job than I do either! Otoh I don't want to be a manager either

OP posts:
PlopPlop · 28/06/2022 15:25

Well if she is new at management she may be finding her feet a little, I doubt she is trying to piss you off on purpose.

Why don’t you help her and give her some constructive feedback since you are so wise…

Spohn · 28/06/2022 15:27

How are you being ‘disrespected’? Tell your manager that you want special treatment due to your age.

HangOnToYourself · 28/06/2022 15:27

Just speak to your line manager and ask them to deal with it

Spohn · 28/06/2022 15:28

Also ‘young girl’ is a child, a child below teenage years. Is this the case?

veggiemonster · 28/06/2022 15:29

People don't automatically deserve to be respected on a higher level than others solely due to their age.

You say that you used to be a manager so you must be used to tactfully handling these discussions. Perhaps she would welcome the feedback as your protege.

Spohn · 28/06/2022 15:30

The more I read that rant the worse you come across.

office juniors don’t deserve respect? Yikes.

PeppaPigIsBacon · 28/06/2022 15:31

What kind of things is she asking you to do, that you think she shouldn’t be?

luckylavender · 28/06/2022 15:31

Stressedout65 · 28/06/2022 15:21

This is just a rant really. The options are to put up with it or move on. I've been doing my job (not with the same company) for 37 years. I've been a manager but now cruising along looking forward to retiring in a few years. I'm very happy not being a manager & just being that steady reliable person that every dept needs. However, this young girl has been promoted to a manager within the dept, but she's not my line manager. She is studying towards the same qualification I attained 30 years ago. I really think the "power" has gone to her head! She receives a lot of support from my very experienced line manager, which is a good thing of course. However, she seems to have taken the view that she should be micro managing me as well as her other reportees. My own manager does not micro manage me, I do not need it! I know my job inside out, I keep up with technology. There are no new, improved processes she's bringing to the table, she's not teaching me anything new, but seems to think she can tell me what to do to all of a sudden! I'm all for bringing the youngsters on, she's same age as my daughter, but remember youngsters, us oldies who have kept up with the times still have our faculties, do not need micromanaging & therefore deserve a bit more respect than that, we're not office juniors!
How can I manoeuvre her away from me without sounding like a jealous old woman who's had her day in the workplace. Ignoring her seems childish, but I'm.not going to be micromanaged by someone who has so much less experience, not even attained the qualification yet & does not know anything more about my.job than I do either! Otoh I don't want to be a manager either

You call her a 'young girl'. I imagine this is a sign of your disrespect. Either you stay and put up with it or retire early. Nobody wants that dinosaur in their department. Things change and move on. You may not be doing as great a job as you imagine. If you are then you've nothing to worry about.

BubblyBurn · 28/06/2022 15:32

You're not being "disrespected" because she treats you the same way she treats everyone else. You're the one being disrespectful - I highly doubt she's a child like you've said in your OP. She's your superior in the workplace. You seem to think you should get special treatment simply because you've stayed alive whilst the earth travelled around the sun whilst she's expecting to behave a certain way based on having been appointed to a specific role within the company based on her skills and attributes... I don't think she's the one that's being unreasonable here. Your question appears to be "how can I have all the benefits of being a manager whilst doing none of the work associated with being a manager?". If you're so much better than she is then you should've gone for her job - you can't have your cake and eat it too.

Jalisco · 28/06/2022 15:32

Wow. Just wow. You call her a "girl" and you want her to respect you more? It really does sound like you have a problem. You don't want to be a manager now, then that is fine and your choice. But it does sound like you don't like being managed by someone younger than yourself, and that is the bigger problem. With all the experience you must have, surely people skills must have come up at some time and you could try engaging with her?

AchatAVendre · 28/06/2022 15:32

Is this a spoof? Maybe stop referring to your boss as a "girl" and stop cruising to retirement in your job and be a bit more active instead of telling everyone how wonderful you are?

Paq · 28/06/2022 15:33

AchatAVendre · 28/06/2022 15:32

Is this a spoof? Maybe stop referring to your boss as a "girl" and stop cruising to retirement in your job and be a bit more active instead of telling everyone how wonderful you are?

She is not OP's boss.

Anonymouseposter · 28/06/2022 15:33

I don't think you'll get much constructive advice on MN. Older people are one of the groups that generally get a hard time (along with MILs and step-mums).
I experienced a bit of this before I retired. I just remained polite and grey rocked it.
If it gets too much have a word with your line manager. It can be a bit frustrating but she's finding her feet and it will hopefully wear off.

YouCantSpellAmericaWithoutErica · 28/06/2022 15:34

How old is this “young girl”? Presumably she’s actually a grown woman? Respect works both ways.

DashboardConfessional · 28/06/2022 15:34

I'm pretty sure she can tell you think of her as a "girl" which isn't going to help you.

If she tries to steer you off-task and give you things to do, I would just pleasantly reply that you're doing X for your line manager at the moment.

Talkingtopigeons · 28/06/2022 15:34

People who micromanage are usually anxious about delegating and whether things will be done because they're responsible if it's not - which is a very typical thing for a new manager to be. As others have said perhaps you could use your experience of people managing to give some constructive feedback instead of assuming that she's trying to wind you up?

Spohn · 28/06/2022 15:36

The obvious answer is to tell your manager that Z seems to be checking a lot of small details about your role, is there anything you need to know? Is there a reason you require this extra supervision?

Do not mention anyone’s ages, it’s irrelevant, you seem heavily obsessed focused on it and it comes across dreadfully.

Ragwort · 28/06/2022 15:37

Smile and nod.

TheGrumpiest · 28/06/2022 15:38

If you're "cruising along" waiting for retirement, it might not really be worth getting too worked up about this? I was in a similar situation just after I came back from maternity leave. Someone who had joined while I was off decided to start micro managing me on my return. I didn't need it, had a lot more experience and qualifications than her, but didn't have the energy to fight it off. I just used to nod and smile and carry on in my own merry way knowing I was out of there. She wasn't my direct line manager so I wasn't worried about a reference.

She used to give me lists of tasks to do Grin I used to tick them off with smiley faces and give the list back to her (without actually doing all the tasks...). If I couldn't be bothered with something complex because I'd been up half the night I would say it was really too tricky for me and needed a management eye "over to you ms clipboards".

Probably not a professional or constructive approach but I was beyond caring and it kept me sane.

Work it to your advantage somehow? Good luck!

PansyPetunia · 28/06/2022 15:41

Ragwort · 28/06/2022 15:37

Smile and nod.

This! I'm in a similiar situation with people breezing in from other branches thinking they are here to 'save us' or ' show us how it's done in other stores'

Er, no

But it's amusing watching them tie themselves up in knots vying for top dog place

partyface · 28/06/2022 15:41

Oh I get it completely, could have written this myself OP, sincere sympathies from me. It's the rudeness that annoys me most, the apparent inability to say please and thank you. And that the company apparently thinks that's okay. One day I won't be able to help myself and I'll say 'what's the magic word'?

5128gap · 28/06/2022 15:42

You need to take age out of this as it's irrelevant. Your respective ages don't make either of you better or worse at your jobs, or more or less deserving of respect.
Your problem is that you have a colleague who is behaving arrogantly and over stepping her role in relation to you. This would look exactly the same if she was your own age, so tackle it as if she were.
Firstly with a conversation with her about instances where she behaved inappropriately with examples and a request to stop. Secondly if necessary with your line manager.
In neither conversation should you bring age into it (unless you have evidence she has been ageist of course) or you will just blur the issue. And also risk accusations of ageism against you if you use terms like 'these youngsters'.

Weirdwonders · 28/06/2022 15:43

YANBU. I couldn’t be bothered with finding the headspace to deal with that either when I’m trying to get on with my work, but you’ve referred to her as a ‘girl’ now so according to Mumsnet law you’re irredeemable. Speak to your Manager about it and ask for clarification of who you should report to. Or if she asks you to do something different ask if she’s cleared it with your manager.

PansyPetunia · 28/06/2022 15:43

Wonder how this shiny new manager would handle a grievance procedure, or how would she react to the word 'bullying' being associated with her management style?

comealongponds · 28/06/2022 15:44

YABU

you sound really patronising about her just because of her age. Older does not equal better or more deserving of respect than anyone else.

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