MIL giving baby coffee??

[kimberlyjx]

AIBU for addressing this issue myself if it happens again?

This has happened a couple of times now, MIL has decided it was a good idea to just give DS whatever she feels like regardless of what DH and I have to say.

I already highly dislike that when she's searching for DS teeth, she shoves her fingers in his mouth and searches for them on his gums (without previously washing hands) I know I may sound OTT but DS is 5 months old, and previously hospitalised for a bacterial infection, I think it's inappropriate and honestly quite ignorant to do this. I've mentioned loudly that I didn't want anyone doing this, not explicitly aiming it towards her, to avoid stress.

But now she's started to dip her fingers in whatever she's eating (most of which are harmless, such as mash & slightly mushed veggies) and feeding him. I just think it's not her place to do this, moreso without asking what we think?

The last straw was her dipping her finger in profiteroles cream and chocolate and giving it to him followed by coffee.

DH has seemed to say nothing about this whatsoever, so AIBU to speak up about this since he won't say anything if this happens again?

TIA

Do it. I "love" grannies not respecting parents' wishes. "Because we raised you like this and you were fine" 😤This is why I always tell that not too many people can actually trust their parents with babysitting. Ugh.

Find your voice. You are the primary caregiver. You make the decisions. (You think you got it bad? Mine tried to turn a left-handed baby into a right-handed baby. I kid you not).

Uuuuuuuugggghhhhh this makes me so annoyed for you. YWNBU to tell her to stop in no uncertain terms, and honestly your DP needs to back you up strongly too.

Honestly, aside from the rest of it, coffee is such an obvious no no that I suspect this is purposeful boundary testing. It's meant to put you in your place; a message to say "I will do what I please with my grandchild". It's very cheeky.

She shouldn't be feeding him anything without asking. I don't think I'd worry that much about the hygiene aspect of it (although I understand why you're worried if he's only tiny and has had a hospital stay before) but it's pretty odd to just decide to pitch in with weaning uninvited, isn't it? Presumably she doesn't know if/what he's already eaten, for a start.

I can't imagine that a drip of coffee of her finger is going to do him any harm as it's such a tiny amount, but it just seems like a weirdly unnecessary thing to do. Chocolate/cream of profiteroles, I can see why she would assume he'd like it, but really odd to think a five-month-old baby might want to sample coffee. It's quite a bitter flavour, even with sugar in it.

I speak as someone who comes from a family which firmly believes in giving toddlers tea from the moment they can hold a cup and lets 10-year-olds drink Baileys at Christmas, so the fact that even I can't see why you'd give coffee to a baby is indicative of its oddness.

I was so laid back with what my IL's did with mine when they were younger that I was practically horizontal but I wouldn't have tolerated this at all.

Rubbing gums for teeth without washing her hands first in a 5 month old? Just no.

You need to take your baby back when she heading towards his mouth with inappropriate food and drink on her unwashed fingers and ask her not to do this

GPs with no sense of boundaries need the three Dos.

Do you love your grandchild?
Do you want a relationship with them?
Do what you're fucking told, then.

Obviously this doesn't apply to people who don't trample over normal boundaries.

It's your (you and DH) bairn. Not hers. Get her telt.

It doesn't have to be a confrontation.

Simply say "MIL, we're not weaning yet. And when we do, I'll be following current recommendations. Please stop trying to feed him. Coffee in particular could be harmful to him"

Or "I know you enjoy feeding x. But you're not doing it in a healthy way. When we're ready to wean, we'll include you so that you can carry on being close. But you mustn't feed him anything in the meantime. I know you mean we'll, but it's upsetting to see him experience things I don't feel he's ready for"

That is so gross. I'd tell her.

You are definitely not being unreasonable - that is totally inappropriate. You o need to discuss with DH ASAP and get this sorted or things will only get worse as your child gets older. Your partner has to back you on this and you need boundaries NOW!

Good luck op and you have my admiration as to how calmly you have dealt with this x

What a dirty cow.

Would she like it if you shoved your fingers in her gob??

Just tell her to stop and remove your child.

I actually felt sick reading about her rubbing his gums with unwashed hands. I'm not even germphobic but that's seriously a step too far.

I had a French woman dip her finger in her glass of champagne and then put it in DS(5 months) mouth. In front of me. I was too stunned to speak..and didn't let her hold him again.

These things aren't great, they're not going to damage baby though, but they're massively overstepping boundaries and undermining the mother. I mean look, here you are asking for advice about it. Trust your instincts. Even if coffee and custard cream were the healthiest things for a baby, it's still wrong to just assume. As for the fingers, there's just no way this is ok with unwashed hands to someone else's child.

Goodness me- That’s gross.
Akin to how one sees dropped dummies, the carer /mum picks it up, sucks it, then plugs it back in to the baby’s mouth. Grim.

If she wants to introduce new flavours, She should use a spoon and ask you first.

I am very relaxed and happy for grandparents to follow their own rules/instincts when watching my children but that would drive me crazy. Fingers in mouth and feeding a 5 month old profiterols and coffee is not acceptable.

That makes me feel a bit yuck; I wouldn’t even do that with my own DC.
next time I’d suggest a swift “please don’t feed him like that” and pick him up away from her.
what I’ve noticed is that with grandparents like this you need to set boundaries early on otherwise it only gets harder as your DC get older

I agree with the others. She's a dirty cow and she is deliberately testing your boundaries with the coffee.

Keep your kids safe by staying away from her.

You need to have a word with her. Mind you, some people are incorrigible. I remember one very stressful bonfire night when MIL kept attempting to give 2 year old DS a lit sparkler.

You can ask her one last time:
Please keep fingers out of baby's mouth, please do not attempt to feed baby.

If a transgression subsequently occurs then take baby from her. Perfectly acceptable to reduce her contact if she cannot control herself.

Tell her to fuck the fuck off
And dont do it ever again

In those words.
Speak up op! .

"DH has seemed to say nothing about this whatsoever, so AIBU to speak up about this since he won't say anything if this happens again?"

I take it from this that your DH was there, she didn't have your baby on her own? He is in the wrong too then.

My baby would not be in the same room as her without me also being present from now on, since DH is not to be trusted to prioritise his baby over his mother. And I'd stop her in her tracks if she pulled a stunt like that in front of me.

This is perfect

It’s his mum. He needs to be responsible for making sure she behaves properly around the baby.
Trll him he needs to put some boundaries in place before you visit again.

YANBU! I wouldn't hold back on that. I'd be saying "get your mucky fingers out of my kid's mouth now!". Not that she should be doing it without your permission, even with a spoon.

Disgusting! I would tell husband that he has one chance to tell his mother to stop doing it or you will be telling her and all hell will be let loose.

Jeez, that's disgusting. Anyone sticking their fingers in my baby's mouth would get told, strongly, never to do it again or they won't be allowed to even hold him.
Why is she searching for his teeth anyway? Does she think they might have got lost?
Another GM who thinks that she and not the parents she owns the child.

Your DC is 5 months old she should not be feeding them any food that contains salt, such as mash and gravy and only a half-wit would think that giving a baby a taste of coffee is acceptable.