Another DC’s paying board one.

[Butterfly9999]

This isn’t about me but my Dsis.
AIBU to tell her that she should still make her dc’s pay board on a regular basis, even though her dd’s spend most of the week at their boyfriend’s houses?

Sis thinks she’s probably being unfair to now expect board, but she’s a single working parent, and as you know, all bills have shot up drastically.
Her dd’s stay at home occasionally, but will pop in and out, have showers, use the electric and eat the food when they want.

I’m trying to make her see that her dd’s rooms are available to them whenever they want to stay at home, and Sis could let those rooms out to lodgers if it came to it, so can anyone help me persuade her that she needs to get her adult kids to pay up! .… they’re both 20 and 21, at Uni, but work part time.

They were both originally paying £50 a week board all in, Sis tells me.

If they are still using food, hot water and are still registered at the address for council tax purposes, then she should still charge them.

I'm not clear why you are trying to persuade her?

YABU. Why is it any business of yours whether your sister chooses to charge her children board or not?

FWIW I certainly won't be charging my dc board when they are at university. Charging them if they're hardly there seems even more unreasonable! They are still in education!

Maybe because she’s working a lot and she’s told me she’ll struggle with the extra bills. And I can’t see why she should pay for everything and her girls wander in and out and stay when they want to.

I think it’s something your sister and her children should work out together without needing outside interference tbh,

I don't think you can tell her what she "should" do, it's not really your business.

If she raises it then yes you can discuss it as an option, but tbh I wouldn't expect a child at university to contribute to household costs unless it was absolutely necessary - I would hope to be able to let my kids live at home rent free while studying as long as they lay for themselves (clothes, phone, going out etc). And if they did contribute then £50/week seems plenty.

I assume they have tution fees to cover too -How much would you expect them to contribute?

I want to point out, I’m not trying to interfere. My sis tells me how she worries about the bills so I’m obviously going to try and make suggestions to help her.

She should talk to her children. My DC and I went over the bills together and they decided how much they thought they should contribute.

You don't mention that any of her dc are going to university, so, yes, I would be advising your sister that the dc should contribute to living costs, a minimum of £200 per month, even if they only turn up a couple days a week.

It's then up to your sister to decide, but in my view, it's unacceptable for adult dc to swan in and out without paying for keep.

She should work it out with her kids

You could suggest she gets a lodger?

I think it's madness to charge kids at uni room and board unless she's utterly ok the bones of her arse. They aren't in full time employment. They are her children.

There is a big difference between a child at uni who only comes home in the holidays and one who lives at home full time. They get less maintenance loan than someone living away for uni but their loan still includes an amount for their share of the food/bills etc.

I assume they have tution fees to cover too -How much would you expect them to contribute?

Tuition fees are paid direct to the university and you only start to pay it back after graduation when you start earning over a certain amount.

The time they spend at their boyfriends’ is a red herring. If anything, they’re saving her money. It sounds like although they’re both an uni, neither has moving out, so this is their home? In which case, it’s up to your sister to decide in principle does she want to charge board (reasonable) and then in practical terms - does she? You could be someone who in principle would prefer not to - but finances insist.

I think YANBU to ask if it’s reasonable for her to consider it, but YABU to ask for how to persuade her. Beak out!

Don’t forget that there is a government assumption that on a certain income level, the parent is supposed to support the student - reduced maintenance loan. If the maintenance loan for them is reduced and she’s not giving them any money, you could argue they’re contributing by working part time and not taking any money from her!

Surely it is up to your sister to decide whether she wants to charge them lodge. I have never charged my children rent as I have never viewed them as lodgers. But that was my decision. If someone wants to that is their decision and I wouldn't presume to question it.

Oh they do go to Uni.

I think they should still contribute.

mereas. The OP says that both the daughters are at University.

Just because some parents ask their dc’s to help pay their way, that doesn’t mean they view them as lodgers!

I paid my mum whilst I was at uni, she never viewed me as a lodger, but as a member of the family contributing to the bills. I was happy to do it.

Just like when she moves in with me when she's older, she will likely contribute to bills but I won't view her as a lodger.

I wouldn't charge them term time while they're studying. If they get summer jobs, I'd definitely expect them to contribute.

Good point @Testina …

My nieces both work around their studies, not just in the hols.

I may be wrong but I think the gov give extra to the students classed as living at home, if their parents are on low incomes.