Another DC’s paying board one.

[Butterfly9999]

This isn’t about me but my Dsis.
AIBU to tell her that she should still make her dc’s pay board on a regular basis, even though her dd’s spend most of the week at their boyfriend’s houses?

Sis thinks she’s probably being unfair to now expect board, but she’s a single working parent, and as you know, all bills have shot up drastically.
Her dd’s stay at home occasionally, but will pop in and out, have showers, use the electric and eat the food when they want.

I’m trying to make her see that her dd’s rooms are available to them whenever they want to stay at home, and Sis could let those rooms out to lodgers if it came to it, so can anyone help me persuade her that she needs to get her adult kids to pay up! .… they’re both 20 and 21, at Uni, but work part time.

They were both originally paying £50 a week board all in, Sis tells me.

There’s plenty of students who do actually budget and save, even when they’ve got board to pay, as they usually have a part time job alongside studying.

YABU

• Its none of your business whether your sister charges her DC room and board


• Everyone is struggling with the cost of living now and it’s terrible parenting in my view to “solve” this by sponging off your own DC as an easy target.


• It’s a short term solution too as what happens when they fully move out? You’re still short money for bills. So it’s really stupid for you to suggest this to her like it will solve the financial issues.


• The DC are FT uni students amassing tons of debt at a high rate of interest. Their small PT work income is needed to limit the amount of debt they go into and to save for when they graduate.


• Advising your sister to do this doesn’t take into account how it will affect her relationship with her DC. Instead of her helping them get a good start in life, she will now be depending on them to cover some of her bills. That’s not something they’re going to forget and may cause resentment/friction.

Someone has worked out up thread that they will be receiving £8k EACH per year living allowance loan. So almost a grand a month for term time. If that's not for livng costs, which includes bills and food, then what is it for? If they were living out of home about half of more would go on rent and bills, before food.

Not quite right, they can take out up to £8k/yr in debt. That’s not free money that they have to take or definitely will get. You don’t have to take the maximum loan amount as a Uni student. And it is a parenting fail in my book to push your DC to take out a higher loan at 7% (and rising) interest in order to pay you a few £k /yr in room & board.

If they were living out of home, yes they’d have to pay a landlord because they’d not have any support from their parent(s), but that’s comparing these DC to DC who are disadvantaged. If the OPs sis can help her DC, she should. She shouldn’t be making things more difficult for them starting up by taking thousands of £ in loan money off them, forcing them into even more debt.

Rubbish.

Many students work. What the hell are they supposed to put on their CV if they have never worked?
And are parents on low incomes 'terrible parents' because their children take the loan? Which, by the way is more like a graduate tax than a loan

And OP
Stay out. I'm a single parent- I have a sister who infantalises me and likes to tell me what to do. God it pisses me off.

Isn't there a compromise - if your DS is really struggling then she needs to stop having a fully filled fridge for example, she needs to make it clear to her DDs that they let her know if they are home for a meal. Stop stocking up on toiletries etc.

Would she genuinely consider having a lodger to help with bills? In that case she needs to have a grown up discussion with her DDs about future plans.

more like a graduate tax than a loan

No, student loans are nothing like a graduate tax and are definitely a loan. For one, not all graduates pay it- so how can it be a graduate tax if not all graduates are paying it? For two, you sign a legal loan agreement with repayment terms and interest is charged. For three, the repayments are considered in affordability calculations for any other loan applications including mortgages- unlike tax liabilities. For four, unlike taxes the money goes to a private student loan company, not the government.

Martin Lewis has a lot to answer for by calling a loan a tax. The number of idiots who literally think that the student loan money comes from the government and their repayments after graduation go to the government is all because of his misinformation.

They get less moaning they do get a maintenance loan and some of that should go towards bills and they definitely should be paying for their share of the bills. Also if the house is rented, a bit towards that. If it's mortgages and paid off I wouldn't see the need to pay rent then.I

However, OP Is being unreasonable, she doesn't get to tell her sister how to manage this.

I would keep out of it and personally

First sentence should read " they get less but they do get a maintenance loan when living at home"

You are and you aren’t. If your sister has come to you and told you she’s struggling, there’s nothing wrong with saying that perhaps she could ask her daughters to help out a little. £10 a week each even?

I paid £200 to my parents whilst living at home per month but I was in full employment. I didn’t think that amount was unreasonable, but I was earning a full wage. If they’re at Uni then they’re likely needing to save up, and will likely have to pay tuition back when they leave Uni. That’s why I do not think £10/20 a week is unreasonable.

You ARE being unreasonable if you have mentioned this to her multiple times, trying to “persuade her”.