Another DC’s paying board one.

[Butterfly9999]

This isn’t about me but my Dsis.
AIBU to tell her that she should still make her dc’s pay board on a regular basis, even though her dd’s spend most of the week at their boyfriend’s houses?

Sis thinks she’s probably being unfair to now expect board, but she’s a single working parent, and as you know, all bills have shot up drastically.
Her dd’s stay at home occasionally, but will pop in and out, have showers, use the electric and eat the food when they want.

I’m trying to make her see that her dd’s rooms are available to them whenever they want to stay at home, and Sis could let those rooms out to lodgers if it came to it, so can anyone help me persuade her that she needs to get her adult kids to pay up! .… they’re both 20 and 21, at Uni, but work part time.

They were both originally paying £50 a week board all in, Sis tells me.

A student living at home with parents earning under £25,000 per year will get £8,171 per year (22-23 figures)

A student living away from home in halls or private accommodation will get an extra £1,535 per year.

It costs a LOT more than £1,535 to live away in halls (usually between £5-7k rent alone) so the reasonable assumption is that a good proportion of that loan is meant for the student to pay their way at home.

I don’t think the OP has a ‘sister’. I reckon she’s asking for our opinion on whether to charge her own kids board…just saying.

And £50 a week only works out at a few k tops.

Think what you like

It is for every family to sort out but I imagine from the description that (a) her daughters don't have much money if they are at uni and (b) this is their family home. I am sure you have your sister's best interests at heart but I don't think you are reasonable to tell her what she should do, or try to persuade her. Did you have children who paid board in similar circumstances?

They’re at Uni and receive a student loan to help with living costs, and they also have a part time wage coming in, so I think they should be helping her. I know ultimately it’s her decision though.

I would prefer not to charge kids still studying if possible. However if that's difficult could she charge £25 a week instead of £50 if they are mainly at boyfriends? If she has 2 dds that would be £100 a month from each. £200 a month should be a good help. Maybe that would be a good compromise.

But then it's her problem? She is chosing to do this so she bears the struggle. I think its not your business at all.

Terrible parenting [unless you really badly need the money, in which case things of course are totally different] to let your kids who are in FT education do unskilled work at the expense of their studies/take at student loans at 7% in order to pay you money.

1. It’s none of your business
2. £50 per week for uni students , even if they work is ridiculously high
3. it’s none of your business .

They'll have to stay at home longer if she charges them. They won't be able to save and move out, or go and do activities with the bf.

I'd say £50 per week is ridiculously low if it includes all food and bills. My dd attended college in a different town and lodged with a landlady. Four years ago she was paying £130 per week.

A room in halls of residence including bills but not including food and laundry costs between £130-£170 per week. £50 a week for living at home is a bargain.

Surely the point is that Halls of residence and landladies are out to make a profit which is not what you are doing as a parent . I have one adult child at home and if she moved out my bills would not reduce by £50 per week .

Mine certainly would. I'd say that food alone would be a good £35 per week plus toiletries, washing powder, all the extra electricity he uses for showers, washing machine, all the gaming and music equipment he has running.

I should have been clearer. If they're living away at university, working or not, I wouldn't expect them to pay me for the odd times they return home. But if they were living at home, I'd expect them to pay board in the same way they'd pay rent to halls of residence or a landlord.

With only her income coming in, it’s going to be difficult for her if she doesn’t charge anything, but maybe she will come to a compromise as you say.

We’ll do you expect me to say nothing to try to help her when she’s scrimping and scraping and telling me about her financial worries?

£50 a week is nothing when you add into that the cost of food too!

It’s not about making a profit! It’s about bringing your kids up to take responsibility for themselves.

And of course your bills would reduce! Does your Dd not eat, shower, wash her clothes or use toiletries then?

Well she’s made it my business by telling me about her financial situation.

Of course it does! No wonder some people grow up entitled snowflakes when they’ve not been taught to take some responsibility for themselves.

My daughter does do all of those things obviously but she buys her own toiletries and I wouldn’t count her share of electric / water / gas etc as frankly it would make little difference to what I’d be using anyway . Neither of my children are entitled snowflakes , they are generous lovely people who know how to save and budget .

What about food? Do you pay for that like my sis does?

We all eat , I doubt her share adds much to the cost and one of us is cooking anyway . If your sisters children aren’t in much they can’t be costing much to feed .