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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner Hiding Money???

75 replies

BlueBirdDiaries · 28/06/2022 10:38

We have been together for 6 years. In the beginning we were both pretty poor. I being a full time student and him private renting and working in low paid positions. I paid for a lot once I was employed. Then he’s moved in with my parents and me. He doesn’t have to pay rent as my parents said we could save for our own property (his mother previously charged him £500 a months). He makes £2000 a month now. I make £1800 we now have a baby. I have a standing order into dd account and he says he can’t afford it. He complains about the cost of living. He has been saying he only has £2000 saved for the past few years. So where is all of his money going? Up until recently I was paying for groceries. Then I would leave myself flat broke with him having “no money”. He has. Is moved his money into an ISA which he’s unable to touch. So when we have a rainy day, how can we get through it if he’s locked his money away? Years ago I had £8000 saved in an ISA, we missed our flights in Bali and I paid for us both to return home. I had to draw money from my ISA. I now have no money in that account.

what’s your take on this? I want to ask him to leave but having a child together now will complicate things further. Advice?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 28/06/2022 10:39

Definitely ask him to leave- he’s not on your team and he doesn’t want the same as you

Mally100 · 28/06/2022 10:41

Please wake up. He is using you and your entire family. He has a cheek firstly not to contribute to your parents and then have no savings! You are the loser here because you are providing him with free accommodation, financially supporting him when he is broke and then used your savings on a trip. Come on wake up op.

gwenneh · 28/06/2022 10:43

Shoxfordian · 28/06/2022 10:39

Definitely ask him to leave- he’s not on your team and he doesn’t want the same as you

Exactly. He’s not a partner; there’s no partnership at all.

AnuSTart · 28/06/2022 10:43

Damn

What a cocklodger.

He's either hiding money or spending it in ways that you can't even see.

Either way he is stuffing you and your child.

Get rid.

AnuSTart · 28/06/2022 10:44

Stiffing

Littlebirdyouaresosweet · 28/06/2022 10:46

Tell him your dm now wants rent and his half is x amount. If he won't pay throw him out.

BlueBirdDiaries · 28/06/2022 11:01

Thanks guys. Guess I’ve been a bit of a fool.

OP posts:
Ohthatsexciting · 28/06/2022 11:02

Are you married?

FemmeNatal · 28/06/2022 11:03

This reply has been deleted

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Ohthatsexciting · 28/06/2022 11:03

If I were you
i would be quietly gathering any and all financial information re his savings and pay slips

FlippityFlapperty · 28/06/2022 11:09

Bloody freeloading scrounger. To say he can’t afford to pay towards raising your DC when he has no rent or mortgage is appalling.

Two choices. Sling him straight out - tough shit what he does next, because he should have plenty saved somewhere.

Or, tell him he’s had a long and comfortable ride - more than enough to get his finances in order and create a cushion of savings - so he now needs to start contributing with immediate effect to a shared kitty, including rent. If he’s earning £2k a month and pays for no rent and also didn’t even pay for food for a while then he should have plenty. He’s clearly either squirrelling it away so you and your child can’t touch it, or it squandering it.

Don’t be afraid of demanding answers here. Where exactly has the money gone and why is your baby seeing none of it? Why are you earning less but paying out more? He’s a CF, and then some.

MrMrsJones · 28/06/2022 11:10

He either starts paying half for everything or get rid of him.

Did he pay half towards the £8000 you paid out?

Poptart4 · 28/06/2022 11:11

Does he pay anything at all?

Definable tell him to leave. If he's not contributing then he's no loss to you anyway.

Ohthatsexciting · 28/06/2022 11:12

@FemmeNatal

i always wonder what posters like you are like as parents.

as I suspect highly judgemental and who have crap relationships with their teens and tricky relationships with adult children, who rarely of ever confide to parents such as this because they know the judgement that will pour from them. Many likely go NC. And then go on the Stately Homes thread on mumsnet to share their difficult childhood with negative unsupportive and judgemental parents

Ohthatsexciting · 28/06/2022 11:14

Needless to say you will now tell us that you have a wonderful relationship with your children

needless to say, on the basis of your first post, we will know you’re talking BS

Puzzledandpissedoff · 28/06/2022 11:14

That seems a fair question, FemmeNatal, though it'll probably be deleted

What I'd do in OP's position is ask my parents to start charging him rent after all.
If he coughs up they could always put that money aside for her, but he probably won't and then she'll have her answer loud and clear

Floella22 · 28/06/2022 11:17

@FemmeNatal
Why do you want to know?
To judge?
Because OP already has the dc and lives with her dp's so the question isn't helpful is it?

Meraas · 28/06/2022 11:18

Oh, OP. You sound like a lovely person but he has been taking advantage of you and your parents for years.

The main thing is you have woken up to it now.

He needs to start paying your parents £500 from now. Did he get paid yesterday and contribute to dd's expenses and the food. Say, £300pm to start with.

He needs dissolve the ISA and pay you for his Bali flights ASAP.

If he refuses, he needs to leave the house.

AdoraBell · 28/06/2022 11:19

As ohthatsexciting said, quietly gather any financial information you can find, because he’s probably going say he has no income when it comes to child support, then get rid.

He is seriously taking advantage of you and your parents.

FemmeNatal · 28/06/2022 11:22

This reply has been deleted

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SheWoreYellow · 28/06/2022 11:25

So each month he earns £2000 and contributes how much?

You can just ask where the difference goes.

Ohthatsexciting · 28/06/2022 11:25

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And it just gets better 😂

Ohthatsexciting · 28/06/2022 11:26

But I’m impressed you essentially admitted to what I said!

Ohthatsexciting · 28/06/2022 11:29

Thankfully my anorexia is very much under control (atm at least, but never complacent!!)

BackToTheTop · 28/06/2022 11:30

Ask him for his share of the flight money

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