Partner Hiding Money???

[BlueBirdDiaries]

We have been together for 6 years. In the beginning we were both pretty poor. I being a full time student and him private renting and working in low paid positions. I paid for a lot once I was employed. Then he’s moved in with my parents and me. He doesn’t have to pay rent as my parents said we could save for our own property (his mother previously charged him £500 a months). He makes £2000 a month now. I make £1800 we now have a baby. I have a standing order into dd account and he says he can’t afford it. He complains about the cost of living. He has been saying he only has £2000 saved for the past few years. So where is all of his money going? Up until recently I was paying for groceries. Then I would leave myself flat broke with him having “no money”. He has. Is moved his money into an ISA which he’s unable to touch. So when we have a rainy day, how can we get through it if he’s locked his money away? Years ago I had £8000 saved in an ISA, we missed our flights in Bali and I paid for us both to return home. I had to draw money from my ISA. I now have no money in that account.

what’s your take on this? I want to ask him to leave but having a child together now will complicate things further. Advice?

So he has all of his money paying for nothing and you pay money into his account every month and he has no money,?
You both sound utterly irresponsible
With money.
Your poor mum having 3 extra people in her home
nobody contributes to the extra utilities
bills
You had a baby in the middle of this financial mess, why?
I suggest you both grow up or split up

The most important thing in his life should be his DD. If he can't be bothered to contribute to that, that's all you need to know: show him the door and make sure you get half of what's in that account.

So if your daughter came to you, pregnant and unmarried and said she was worried about her partner and finances

your response would be as above?

I'd be suspicious about whether or not there is gambling or some other secret activity.

@FemmeNatal I've reported all of your nasty posts to MNHQ. Vicious.

I think you need to talk to each other, like grownups, instead of asking on here and getting advice like 'leave him' 🙄. The best solution isn't always to walk away, especially now there's a child involved.

There will no doubt be quite a sad back story to this poster

hes saving it for himself so he has a nice fund to leave you with when the time comes, your not entitled to any of that money so its all his whilst you fund his life. wonder what he will do with it, probably buy himself a nice man cave pad that he can bring his girlfriends too whilst you scrimp to afford the basics for your child.

That's a low blow @FemmeNatal

@BlueBirdDiaries you mentioned that he has an ISA that he puts money into - did he tell you this or did you find out somehow?

How can he claim that he is flat broke when he is £500 a month better off by living with your parents and not paying any rent?

How was he planning to pay half of the nursery/childcare fees? Or was he expecting you to cover that entirely?

It sounds like he’s been taking the piss out of you for years with money, getting you to pay for things when he could have contributed. Regarding the Bali flights - did you not ask him for his half towards the cost when you got back to the UK? If you didn’t, why not?

He’s not only abusing your good nature, but also your parents too. It doesn’t sound like he’s interested in a future with you/your child and is just squirrelling money away to give him a boost when he does eventually move out. Sounds like you two need to have a serious conversation about 1, where all of his money is going and 2, where your relationship is heading.

Honestly - like water off a duck’s back

but does confirm that @FemmeNatal perhaps not be the…. Kindest of parents

Have you sat down and had a conversation about your financial financial situation, budget and future plan?

To be honest you both sound like you are bad with money
Your parents are very very kindly offering you a rent free house so you can save to buy a place and you are somehow blowing £3800 a month on goodness knows what!
With no rent or utility bills you should be able to save a huge amount every month. Only having to pay for food for 2 Adults and a baby

Show him the door and make sure you get half of what's in that account

It may not be as easy as that since they're not married - doubly so if OP's name isn't on the account, and someone trying to hide money hardly has an incentive to add her name to it

It'll probably occur to him to go self employed too ...

unless a typo, why did flights from Bali cost £8K?

why did you miss your flights in the first place?

I think PPs are correct, you both sound bad with money.

are there debts you haven’t mentioned?

How long have you lived with your parents ?

If it is a year, he should have 13x500 = 6k in savings

I agree what does he spend his money on ?

Share of bills ?
Food
Transport
Mobile phone
Insurance
Subscriptions
Child
Hobbies
Savings

You both need to sit down & go through your income, expenses, savings

So your parents let you live with them rent free so you could save money for a property, only for you to repay them by having a baby meaning all your money goes towards raising the child 😂 Wow.

Thanks for the opinions. Some nasty in fighting too and judgement toward someone with mental health - how awful.

I asked for the Bali money and he said he didn’t have it which is why I paid for it to begin with. Now he’s better off than before, he’s not offered. I do find he is secretly saving which tells me that he’s not interested in a future with me and he’s taking care of number one. I will be letting me know that he needs to find alternative accommodation and rent. Then he will find out what it is like to have no lonely after all. I have paid for my parents to have a new kitchen fitted and for their garden to be paved and for a new fence. I’ve replaced the washing machine when it broke down and pay for shopping. So I am not freeloading off my parents. He complains he has to cook and clean and nobody does anything. I have to remind him that he’s living for nothing. That usually shuts him up for a few months the he’s right back to it.

People can call me silly and I shouldn’t of had a baby but sometimes these things happen despite the precautions taken. I didn’t plan for my life to turn out this way. It’s obviously difficult for me which is why I’m here asking for advice and not to be judged so thank you those of you who’ve provided some support and advice.

Sorry the Bali flights were not 8k. I had 8k in an ISA and to afford our flights back, I had to break my ISA agreement to foot the bill. Since then my savings disappeared.

we had a baby before moving in with my parents. This is the reason why we moved in so we could have an opportunity to save.

I have debts. We missed our flights because we had bad food poisoning.

Chick him out and get your maintenance sorted l. Move on with your life and take your mum to Bali.

This is how so many relationships are. I did it myself. I think we should all focus now on ensuring our children do not make the same mistakes. They are life ruining. Prioritise finding the right and being the right partner for the life you want to live. Don't keep it as an afterthought.

You and your parents are being milked as suckers, by a cock lodger. Separate your own money and show him the door.

Didn't you have travel insurance to claim the missed flights due to illness ?