.... in feeling it's a bit eeerrrgghh to discuss money with little children?

[welliemum]

dd1 is 3 and has a little friend (let's call her Susan).

Susan's just turned 3. I was chatting to her about her birthday presents. She said "mummy bought me this, and daddy bought me that, and granny bought me that, and auntie bought me..." etc etc.

Whereas dd1 would have said "mummy and daddy/gran/ auntie gave me this".

Susan's standard response on being shown a possession of dd1's is "Who bought it?"

Susan's mum's standard response on being shown a possession of dd1's is "Was it expensive?"

This just makes me squirm. Am I right in thinking that little children should learn to appreciate things for what they are, rather than because they cost money? Or am I just being "a bit English about this" as DH would say?

OOOOOOOO dd1 has a friend who is obbessed with money, constantly asking what dd1 is getting for xmas, bday etc what she's going to get when grandparents die, lots of lovely distastful stuff like that.
Parents much the same except they have learnt to be slightly more subtle but its still fairly obvious they're clocking up £s mentally while talking to me.
Anyhoo, a few weeks ago dd1 asked me if £x000 a yr was a lot or not and I asked why, well apparently friend has been asking what me and mr peapod earn! and that was what her dad earnt, she wanted to know if it was more or less.
well I told her, she's nearly 14 btw and she was gobsmacked! Her first response was well why don't we have more holiday and better cars? (because me and your father have pensions, a mortgage and savings for your university education darling that's why!)
Well on the monday when friend asked her for the 5th time what our combined annual income was dd1 was able to say "well quite frankly it seems a little vulgar to be discussing this but if you really must know its £3.5x000" apparently friends jaw hit the floor, kinda wish i could have seen it really as this girl is just sooooo pretentious!
mind you that makes me as bad as her doesn't it? please say no...

I like my DCs to understand that you have to go to work for money and you dont get given it for nothing (not strictly true but there you go!). When DD complains if I have an overtime shift I make sure she knows that without it there would be no holidays and presents. I think children should understand the effort invlved in 'getting' money. She wants to be a teacher when se grows and and also sell poppies!.

No, problem Honoria, we all have things we are more sensitive to than others and I saw your point straight away anyway.

I often wonder what DH's XW and her DH sit around talking about (we don't discuss money in actual terms in our house) as his DD said to MIL who had bought a gift for a baby costing £5, will he mind if it's cheap??!

She's also been asking BIL/SIL what they earn, how big their telly was, and telling them that she'd be flying 1st class to visit us when we move. She's 8.

Gosh this is interesting! I think Susan in the op is a bit odd to ask "was that expensive?"

But I have never even thought about whether or not to discuss money or how much things cost with DS, he pretty much always comes shopping with me, and as we're living on a budget I don't keep that from him, I compare prices, get him to help, if he wants something like sweets I give him a price limit and he has to find ones that fit in that, if they're too expensive I tell him. If he wants an expeniseve toy I've said in the past that I can't afford it. When he asks why I work I tell him it's to earn money. It would be far too much effort for me to try not to mention these things in front of him or make up other reasons why we can't have more things or move into a bigger house (he desperately wants a garden). He also helps pay cheques nto the bank so sort of has an understanding of how it all works. I hope he'll groe up being able to budget and shop around for good deals like we do now!

Honoria - I don't think you were wrong per se as there are many variables. I don't think there is a wrong or right - it depends on the individuals concerned and how the issue is tackled. I just wanted to explain how I interpreted it when I was in that situation. I could see where you were coming from too.

Wow, really interesting discussion while NZ was asleep!

First off, I did want to clarify that I'm not lying awake at night because one child says "bought" and the other child says "gave". It was just an example of the way "Susan" constantly frames things in money terms whereas dd1 doesn't.

It's fascinating to me that at just past their 3rd birthdays and with no real understanding of money, they're already reflecting their parents' values. Susan's mum is very driven, very ambitious, and very much judges the worth of things by how much they cost. We're doing the whole lifestyle "thing", live on a smallholding and knit our own potatoes.

(We get on well, by the way - just do things differently.)

I don't have a problem with discussing the nuts and bolts of money, eg "Daddy and I work. Work gives us money, and we use the money to buy food and other things we need. We can only buy things if we have enough money." Since reading this thread I've decided I'll have this conversation with dd1 as soon as I can gather the strength to deal with the 5 squillion "Whyyyyy?" questions this is going to generate.

IMO we have a fabulous lifestyle even though the budget is tight. DH and I have worked like demons all our adult lives to get here, and at some point the dds will need to know that. But isn't 3 too young?

[hijack - thank you duchesse! I love the book too... (obviously!)]

Another thought: I don't talk about affording things with dd1, but do talk about whether we need things or not.

I think when she's an adult and considering buying something, I don't want her first thought to be "Can I afford it?". I'd like that to be her second thought, after "Do I really need this?"

I think there are lots of reasons for not having everything you want - money is a big one, but not the only one (I think rebelmum made this point already actually).

I think 3 is too young to say "Well, George (for example!) daddy and I have worked very hard before you were born and have now been able to buy this house, garden and live like we do because we were clever with money" or the like; in fact, I don't see myself saying that to DS ever!

I don't think sitting down and talking to your DD will work tbh - why not just begin letting her pay for things (sweets/whatever) and answering the questions as they come - hopefully avoiding the tirade of "whyyyy" lol lol

I do discuss - choice of spending with mine 6&8 - for example they will leave all the lights on all over the house and we do discuss that electricity costs money and that we make choices as to what we spend our money on and that we work to have the money to spend - I don't know if this is vulgar I hope not.......