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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids may be kids but also need to take responsibility

110 replies

Stinkyfirecracker · 27/06/2022 20:05

We are very lucky to be able to get top end equipment when we decide to purchase something. This does mean that when our daughters school said she could have a lap top to help her with certain lessons, we got her a £1,000 worth of laptop as it seemed to fit the bill the best.

She has come home tonight and it is very damaged. She dropped it and it may have to be replaced.

She has an account she knows about with over £1k in it. Would it be unfair to ask for her to help (to the tune of maybe 25%) towards the costs of replacement.

We can replace it easily but I am just wondering about the principle of such a lesson making her value what she’s got and being less casual. After all, a contribution like that wouldn’t drain the account (and actually she has a lot more in accounts she doesn’t even know about like isa’s and pensions) but it would be a dent and she is very concerned about net worth and saving so it would hit her.

Is this a lesson you would teach your child at this age? And yes, she’s only 11 so this is why I am hesitant.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stinkyfirecracker · 27/06/2022 20:20

It’s specified on the home insurance. I just don’t like using it for something I don’t need to

OP posts:
3WildOnes · 27/06/2022 20:22

I think this is a lesson to learn for you. If you are going to buy expensive tech then insure it. All of our laptops are insured against accidental damage.

Boomboom22 · 27/06/2022 20:22

I recently bought a new laptop for myself for 220, what could an 11yr old possibly need such a high powered laptop for? Mine is fast and has plenty of storage.

Boomboom22 · 27/06/2022 20:23

Only bought it as chromebooks can't install apple or Windows specific software. For school chromebooks are perfect and even cheaper.

pumpkinpie01 · 27/06/2022 20:25

I would say that's exactly what insurance is for, people claim for much less.

Glitterspy · 27/06/2022 20:25

OP you seem very keen to underline how you “don’t need to” use your insurance for this and how “average” a £1k laptop is for an 11 yo at school (I presume private)…are you sure this isn’t just a stealth boast post about how well you can afford this?

If so, your question isn’t really about money but about responsibility. You’d be better to make her do a job or chores to “earn” the repair or new laptop back, than take numbers out of her bank account. Doing that will not touch her emotionally and will do the opposite of teaching her the value of money.

Emmelina · 27/06/2022 20:26

A lesson learned in sending uninsured, expensive and fragile equipment out of the house with a child to be honest! I wouldn’t make her pay, but make sure the replacement is insured and she has whatever protective cases she needs for it in future.

KarrotKake · 27/06/2022 20:27

I think, if you haven't told her about consequences before hand, it's mean to take the money from her now.
I'd replace, probably with a cheaper model and better case, and tell her next time she is paying X% of the replacement.

pointythings · 27/06/2022 20:27

Shock horror, kids drop things. My two have both dropped one laptop, were horrified and very upset about it though they were genuine accidents that could also have happened to me. Both were fixable and no, I didn't take money from their savings for the repairs even though we were by no means well off at the time. Get more sensible tech, get a robust case and claim this one on your insurance.

luxxlisbon · 27/06/2022 20:28

It seems pretty mean to charge an 11 year old a substantial amount of money for something that was an accident, particularly as she had no choice in the original or the replacement.
If she was remorseful and usually takes care of her things but had an accident what responsibility are you actually teaching her?
And if she is saving conscious and worried about her net worth at 11 why would you need to teach her the value of money?
Buy a cheaper replacement which will be absolutely fine for a preteen’s homework and don’t buy ‘top end’ tech for a child to take to school next time.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 27/06/2022 20:29

YABVU. This is on you.

You chose to spend 1k on a laptop for an 11 year old and are refusing to claim on your insurance. Don't punish your DD for your decisions.

Original poster
Stinkyfirecracker · 27/06/2022 20:31

Yeah fair enough. As I say, just a question. Good to get a sense check.

OP posts:
Plannersareus · 27/06/2022 20:33

£1000 is not a high end laptop. What does an 11year need this for, is that all the money she has? This is a lesson learnt moment for all parties.

SouperNoodle · 27/06/2022 20:33

I'd not take money from her but I would get her to do some extra chores for a couple of days to 'pay it off'. Maybe get her to wash the car or mow the lawn.
Claim the laptop back on insurance.

Original poster
Stinkyfirecracker · 27/06/2022 20:37

I agree @Plannersareus perfectly average kit. No, about £60k. But yeah, I won’t take it of her - it’s good to have a sounding board.

OP posts:
LoudingVoice · 27/06/2022 20:37

I’m stuck on an 11 year old who understands the concept of her ‘net worth’ 🤔

Your choice to buy her the ridiculously unnecessary laptop, unfair to spend her money on replacing something you chose to buy, take it as a lesson learned for yourself not her.

luxxlisbon · 27/06/2022 20:41

Stinkyfirecracker · 27/06/2022 20:37

I agree @Plannersareus perfectly average kit. No, about £60k. But yeah, I won’t take it of her - it’s good to have a sounding board.

And yet “We are very lucky to be able to get top end equipment when we decide to purchase something. This does mean that when our daughters school said she could have a lap top to help her with certain lessons, we got her a £1,000”

I can’t get passed the fact that you have given your 11 year old 60k across various savings but are too tight to pay the premium increase for a broken laptop and want to charge her £250 instead!
If the money was given to her by other relatives it’s even worse.

Original poster
Stinkyfirecracker · 27/06/2022 20:47

It’s not about being tight, it’s about making sure she values what she’s got and going to get.

OP posts:
username00 · 27/06/2022 20:48

I don't believe a word of this

Nandocushion · 27/06/2022 20:51

I probably wouldn't take it off her, but the replacement I'd buy would be in the 300 range and it would be made clear to her that if it happens again, she will be paying the full cost of replacement. An 11yo is perfectly capable of looking after her things - if she makes the effort to. My DC have had mandatory devices at school since the age of 9 and they've managed not to break them (though there was one ice cream incident that we won't talk about).

luxxlisbon · 27/06/2022 20:53

Stinkyfirecracker · 27/06/2022 20:47

It’s not about being tight, it’s about making sure she values what she’s got and going to get.

If she was horrified and repentant and she dropped the laptop why would you think she didn’t value it?
You didn’t include anything in your post to make it seem like your daughter is a demanding brat so I don’t really understand the issue?

LisaSimpson77 · 27/06/2022 20:58

Right so, nice stealth boast about how much money you have 😋

Lessons for you from this:
Buy a cheaper model until she's a bit more careful.
Get a robust case for her to carry it around
If you send a laptop into school get it insured.

As for her, I'd let her off with a warning (an 11year old who worries about her net worth clearly has enough to worry about) this time. Then if she's irresponsible again get her to do some jobs to pay off some of what's owed.

Pretzerella · 27/06/2022 21:09

I'm confused your first post makes it sound like you've spent over what was required because you can, but later you say it's average for her school.

My 11yo shares a £300 laptop with his younger brother. It does what they need it to do for school, we could afford to spend much more but they are children and it's really not necessary. They have no idea of their trust fund amounts either.

Original poster
Stinkyfirecracker · 27/06/2022 21:12

I said high end because I know I don’t live in a real world.

OP posts:
MulberryBush700 · 27/06/2022 21:30

Jesus wept...🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣