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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I work with a woman…

73 replies

Joyfultoes · 26/06/2022 17:51

Who is classically beautiful - tall, slim looks great in everything. And she’s really nice too, very friendly. And she’s doing really well in her job. In fact she’s ten years younger than me and has just been promoted above me, now earns a lot more. The thing is I’ve worked directly with her - and whilst she’s decent enough at her job, she’s definitely not amazing. There are far better people. Yet everyone raves about her. AIBU to say that being attractive gets you places being ordinary looking doesn’t.

OP posts:
MultiBird · 26/06/2022 17:55

I think being friendly/having people skills can get you to lots of places where ability to do the job alone won't.

It is a know fact that attractive people earn more too though.

Sofasogood1 · 26/06/2022 17:58

Well, yeah, obviously. Of course

AyeUpMeDuck · 26/06/2022 18:00

Let's put it this way...
Keanu wouldn't be the star he is of he looked like the backend of a Grimsby Bus..

🤪

WallaceinAnderland · 26/06/2022 18:03

Haha, yes this is a well known fact.

vodkaredbullgirl · 26/06/2022 18:03

Sounds a bit like the green eyed monster syndrome. She could be unattractive and still do a good job and be friendly.

FabFitFifties · 26/06/2022 18:06

Without a doubt. Maybe good looking people tend to be more confident too - more likely to apply for promotion for example.

something2say · 26/06/2022 18:07

It's a funny old world.

Just bear in mind also though that, once the old men realise she won't put out, she'll be dropped. The fancying only lasts for a while. When reality hits, it's a whole different picture.

TokyoTen · 26/06/2022 18:08

It depends - looking amazing can really help. But it really depends on the sector, in IT ppl don't really care what you look like, but they do care very much about whether you can do the job.

Jalisco · 26/06/2022 18:09

Funny how every single poster who has ever had someone promoted over them has a reason that is never that the other person is just better at their job / meets the requirements better than them.

Mally100 · 26/06/2022 18:10

vodkaredbullgirl · 26/06/2022 18:03

Sounds a bit like the green eyed monster syndrome. She could be unattractive and still do a good job and be friendly.

She sounds like a genuinely nice person, and someone with potential so maybe her manager has recognized that. If you were better than her, why didn't you apply for the promotion?

Azandme · 26/06/2022 18:10

AyeUpMeDuck · 26/06/2022 18:00

Let's put it this way...
Keanu wouldn't be the star he is of he looked like the backend of a Grimsby Bus..

🤪

Our buses are verrrrry attractive, I'll have you know!

(Blatant lie 🤣🤣🤣).

fabicelolly · 26/06/2022 18:12

More likely her high EQ is helping her progress. Not everyone who’s beautiful progresses well in their careers.

FemmeNatal · 26/06/2022 18:14

something2say · 26/06/2022 18:07

It's a funny old world.

Just bear in mind also though that, once the old men realise she won't put out, she'll be dropped. The fancying only lasts for a while. When reality hits, it's a whole different picture.

You sound very bitter. I’ve never been asked to “put out” at work and have still made it all the way up in the business.

Maybe good women can make it on merit.

Hoppinggreen · 26/06/2022 18:15

I suspect it’s more her people skills than they way she looks

RedWingBoots · 26/06/2022 18:17

Jalisco · 26/06/2022 18:09

Funny how every single poster who has ever had someone promoted over them has a reason that is never that the other person is just better at their job / meets the requirements better than them.

Lots of people ignore charisma and people skills. These count for a lot.

With the younger people I know the ones who have got good promotions are friendly to everyone whether they are the cleaner or the CEO, and willing to try their hand at anything.

something2say · 26/06/2022 18:17

It used to happen to me. Head turner. Great at first, but then everything stopped. He had slept with every girl he put at the desk in front of him till I came along. Obviously not a very professional company. But yes I often found that men at work were very interested until they realised I wasn't interested and then they were cold. I used to think, just don't be so keen then, I didn't ask you for this attention, and I didn't ask to be treated badly once you clock on.

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 26/06/2022 18:18

On the flip side, my friends sister is stunning, articulate and very good journalist TV/presenter. She's also incredibly knowledgeable (and played as a teenager) about one of the sports she occasionally reports on. Due to her looks she's often been dismissed as just a pretty face and not always taken seriously on assignments.

DomPerignon12 · 26/06/2022 18:18

Promotion, especially at higher levels is about how you get on with people, not the ‘technical aspects’ of the job.
What exactly is she lacking? What do the ‘better people’ bring?
Why didn’t you put yourself forward for promotion?
From the vague statements you’ve made you sound jealous.

LaFloristaCalista · 26/06/2022 18:19

something2say · 26/06/2022 18:07

It's a funny old world.

Just bear in mind also though that, once the old men realise she won't put out, she'll be dropped. The fancying only lasts for a while. When reality hits, it's a whole different picture.

You sound very bitter. Beautiful people can be clever, skilful and worthy of promotion as well, and it seems this woman has got promoted because she deserved it.

Don't mistake lack of good looks with lack of skills! They are not mutually exclusive

AyeUpMeDuck · 26/06/2022 18:20

Azandme · 26/06/2022 18:10

Our buses are verrrrry attractive, I'll have you know!

(Blatant lie 🤣🤣🤣).

Show quote history

The 250 and 455.. phwoar..
The locals.. meh..

🤪

Staynow · 26/06/2022 18:22

Yes, people like attractive people more and attribute all sorts of other positive qualities to them, it's been well researched.

D0lphine · 26/06/2022 18:24

I think attitude at work makes a world of difference.

If she is friendly, hard working, upbeat, people like her that is why she will have been promoted.

Probably helped somewhat by looks, but then she can't help how she looks can she?

I wish women would fucking support each other at work instead of dragging them down by saying it's just looks. Because who wins if we don't support each other???

GreenestValley · 26/06/2022 18:25

something2say · 26/06/2022 18:17

It used to happen to me. Head turner. Great at first, but then everything stopped. He had slept with every girl he put at the desk in front of him till I came along. Obviously not a very professional company. But yes I often found that men at work were very interested until they realised I wasn't interested and then they were cold. I used to think, just don't be so keen then, I didn't ask you for this attention, and I didn't ask to be treated badly once you clock on.

Did you just describe yourself as a head turner?

OneCup · 26/06/2022 18:26

I don't know. What criteria are used for promotion in your place? At mine, it's a lot of box ticking and I find that some people are better at it than others. I wasn't promoted for a long time. My mentor reviewed my file and showed me how to sell myself better. Then I got promoted. Exactly same stuff, just phrased differently. Ugly both times ;)

Pipsquiggle · 26/06/2022 18:31

There have been proven studies that good looking people are economically advantaged
www.forbes.com/sites/jackkelly/2021/11/04/attractive-people-have-a-big-advantage-in-the-job-interview/?sh=1e0de16d2b9a