I work with a woman…

[Joyfultoes]

Who is classically beautiful - tall, slim looks great in everything. And she’s really nice too, very friendly. And she’s doing really well in her job. In fact she’s ten years younger than me and has just been promoted above me, now earns a lot more. The thing is I’ve worked directly with her - and whilst she’s decent enough at her job, she’s definitely not amazing. There are far better people. Yet everyone raves about her. AIBU to say that being attractive gets you places being ordinary looking doesn’t.

I’m a right jaded old cynic now and have long realised that the things I thought would get me places when I was young ie being clever, hardware, obliging really don’t make that much difference.

You’re not wrong. But you also mention she’s good at her job and very nice. That goes a long way too if you have killer interview skills and confidence in yourself. You could argue they come easier if you have lived a live with “pretty privilege” but that’s not her problem

You can make out I’m stupid all you like. You didn’t like people commenting on the scenario you gave and asked people to instead comment on the vague question of looks in the workplace, I simply disagree pointed out I think that’s daft and you just didn’t like the responses you got. I understand your post fine. You are just trying to insult me because you don’t like what I’m saying. You aren’t making yourself look any smarter than me, we just have a difference of opinion.

I only said what I thought you sounded like in your post. Like it or lump it.

Maybe improving your communication skills and taking a bit more care of your appearance are both worth trying if you want to stop being resentful at people getting promoted ahead of you.

You do seem to be implying that this woman’s promotion was more down to her looks than her ability. Sort yourself out, get to the gym, ask where you are falling short.

Its called "Pretty Privilege" here in the USA.
If someone is very good looking and also charming whether female or male it's a powerful combo!

You do seem to be implying that this woman’s promotion was more down to her looks than her ability.

And she may well be right, as backed up by studies. Many of them. Why are you so defensive?

I have worked with a couple of women like this, I think having clothes that fit well on an elegant frame, a good posture, a confident smile, all exude confidence and capability. I think Meghan markle is a good example of this, she may not have a phd in feminism for example but speaks with the confidence and presence of an expert.

I know that women like this make me feel like a slouchy scruff by comparison, but that's about me and my self esteem. I think you just have to focus on doing a good job yourself and not make comparisons.

I’m not, but if that’s really what she thinks then it’d make sense to try to look better.

You said shes nice, friendly and good at her job….personable and everyone raves about her….

Are these not valuable qualities? Yet you focus on her looks.

@FemmeNatal did you seriously just tell me to get to the gym and spend more time on my appearance?

im leaving this thread now as I was hoping for some interesting and intelligent conversation but it seems lacking. Thanks to those who posted sensibly and got it!!!

I’m not, but if that’s really what she thinks then it’d make sense to try to look better.

Come off it. You're not stupid; you know you're being defensive and you know your comment was bitchy.

You’re not wrong OP, and I also think it is the case that attractive charming people get more leeway if they are not all that at their job. Perhaps just because they are pleasant to be and have around.

There are loads of famous actors who aren’t considered ‘good looking’ by the standards of the time. Literally loads.

Perception is a big deal too. Maybe it is because she’s more attractive or maybe it’s her attitude. Maybe she isn’t the best at her job in some ways but she works really hard and gets results. Maybe your bosses know more about the situation than you do. But I think it’s unfair to dismiss someone just because you perceive that it’s based on their looks. I imagine she would be really upset to hear that you think she’s only getting where she is because she’s attractive. That’s not a nice way to think of someone.

I have worked with beautiful people who haven’t been treated any differently than others. But you aren’t her boss so you don’t have the full picture.

I think posting a thread like this you will get daft responses because it’s a daft thread. It’s an unkind thread based on your assumptions of another woman who you have said is a really lovely person, yet you’re publicly bashing her on a National website.

I've read a few articles in the past, alluding to scientific based research showing that it's been proven; the more attractive you are, the more likely you are to get a job/get a promotion. 🤔 Sorry can't provide links to the articles as this was years ago so it's more anecdotal than proof.

YANBU it's proven that better looking people get by in life more easily.

I also know people who've climbed the greasy pole by being a good networker - knowing the right people at the right time and managing to talk their way into promotions. Maybe it's a bit of both.

It's more likely she's a nice friendly person. Work with an absolutely gorgeous looking woman, however she's really moody and a massive gossip. She's never been promoted whereas I have (and my looks are nothing on her), probably because I get on with everyone.

I'm fat short and ugly, but rose quickly in my former career... because I was a people person, friendly but firm and got results (menopausal now...not so much of a people person... liberating!) I was a better fit for the team leader role than others men who had been there longer. (And I still got comments... "you're a woman, they've got quotas to fill..." etc). There is envy present in every workplace. Sometimes looks get you noticed, sometimes skill wins out.

How often have you seen a man get a promotion and thought, "huh, he's OK at his job, but not amazing". All the time. Difference is you don't put it down to then being attractive.

Getting a promotion is not about being the best at your current job. It's about bring the best fit for the job you are applying for. And EQ becomes increasingly important and you scale the tree. From what you have described, she does that well

I could never be accused of being promoted purely on the way I look but I AM very political and an excellent networker, I am also very good at self promotion and demonstrating my skills and ideas. It has always worked very well for me.
Looking good CAN be an advantage but there are better ways than being pretty to advance your career.

I agree - my partner who is conventionally good looking just got promoted, and although he is very good at his job he was definitely given the benefit of the doubt because he looks nice, as he did not have the experience etc..
I on the other hand have always had issues at work as I honestly have a bit of a classical witch look😆Especially after reaching 40.

It's interesting going to an event with one of my friends, who is stunningly good looking ( and a very nice Person), literally strangers (male and female) will come up to her and want to make conversation. While I always have to intimate conversation ,and try to be the funny one.

Such is life.

There is nothing can you do about it, it's not your fault (or mine) that we are not stunningly beautiful.

No amount, of clothes, makeup will change this- but thats ok.....

90 per cent of people aren't that good looking- many still manage to get good jobs etc...

So it's best just not to think about it.

Many good looking people work in low paid jobs as well... fashion retail, beauty etc...

But there were lots of people who posted sensibly to make points against you and you barely engaged with them? And yes, you absolutely did contradict yourself through the thread.