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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BBQ and my washing is out!

89 replies

user2567 · 26/06/2022 13:34

Sitting here quietly fuming!!! We leave on a housing development, houses are all very close with small garden.

My daughter is back from Uni, and off on holiday in a weeks time. The sun is shining so I urged her to get her washing in the machine and on the line today, which she has done. A line in the garden and a clothes airer are visibly out.

My neighbours had visitors arrive, another young family and they were serving them tea, coffee and biscuits while I was helping my daughter hang out her washing.

An or so later I am indoors and see smoke billowing across our garden. They are cooking in their bbq, which is right up against our fence and the smoke and cooking smells are engulfing my washing.

They have every right to have a bbq, that's not the issue, you just have to suck up the smoke and cooking smells as a consequence of where we live but honestly at any stage they could have let me know before that started and we could have taken the washing in! Now it will have to likely be re washed.

The neighbour has just sent a text message to say oh we are having a bbq and your washing is out. I've replied politely to say it's a bit late to tell me now, if I had known I would have taken it in before you started.

But I am fuming, a courtesy text or even a word over the fence when I was hanging it up would have saved a whole lot of inconvenience!

I think she only sent the text as I went to back door when I first saw the smoke and they may have seen my incredulous face!

Normally they are good neighbours but they do have noisy friends with yapping dogs, which we try to ignore but this has really pissed me off!

OP posts:
Original poster
user2567 · 26/06/2022 13:36

Excuse typos, on my phone and auto correct is a bit over enthusiastic!

OP posts:
balalake · 26/06/2022 13:39

How simple to come and knock on the door or phone and actually speak in advance to say that a BBQ is about to happen.

Don't ignore the yappy dogs in future , complain every time, ideally loudly.

SunlightThroughTrees · 26/06/2022 13:43

I see these threads fairly often on Mumsnet and the responses are generally split with 50% saying OMG, of course you let neighbours know when you’re having a bbq and the other 50% say it would never occur to them to do so.

I’m in the “it would never occur to me to do so” camp and my neighbours never warn me when they’re having a bbq either. I think it’s far easier to assume vaguely warm or sunny day equals potential for neighbours to be having a bbq that day.

I don’t think it was worth potentially souring relations with your neighbours over with your pissy text message.

Original poster
user2567 · 26/06/2022 13:48

I don't think a polite if you had let me know beforehand I would have taken it in is being pissy!

It is what is though and you are absolutely right it is not I worth letting it sour relations

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 26/06/2022 13:52

Maybe they thought if they told/texted you about it you'd assume you were being invited?

girlmom21 · 26/06/2022 13:54

It doesn't sound like your response was as polite as you're suggesting...

You could have easily have taken your washing in before it got to the point of needing re-washing.

Original poster
user2567 · 26/06/2022 13:57

I think if they said, just to let you know we are having a bbq shortly, if you want to take your washing in before we start cooking - I would safely assume it wasn't an invite but a polite heads up!

OP posts:
Blowyourowntrumpet · 26/06/2022 13:57

I think the text you sent was bloody rude

Laiste · 26/06/2022 13:57

Did she answer your 'if you'd have told me' message?

It's not worth falling out over.
She'll probably remember next time.

When i'd just moved here (village) some bloke started a bonfire in the area next door and all my sheets were out. Bloody black smoke belching all over the gardens towards us. I yelled at him good and proper and when he turned around it was the vicar! He was very apologetic and i was 😳

Worse still i found myself sitting right next to him the next day at a school production. I spent the whole time trying to keep my face turned away Blush

CraftyGin · 26/06/2022 13:58

You have your washing out on a Sunday ??? Grin

SunlightThroughTrees · 26/06/2022 14:00

You could have made the same point by replying “no worries, but next time do you mind letting me know before you light the bbq so I can bring my washing in first?”
“It’s a bit late now” makes it clear that you’re pissed off at them.

carefullycourageous · 26/06/2022 14:00

On a sunny weekend day I would assume someone nearby was going to BBQ so I think YAB a bit precious.

It is only washing, just rewash later or first thing tomorrow. Really not worth falling out with neighbours over this.

notacooldad · 26/06/2022 14:02

I yelled at him good and proper and when he turned around it was the vicar! He was very apologetic and i was 😳
So if it hadnt been the vicar you would t have been embarrassed about yelling at someone?

MissMaple82 · 26/06/2022 14:04

Ffs, do you really think the neighbours are paying the slightest bit of interest in your washing routines! Why should they pre warn you of their intentions to socialise and eat!! Oh my god, people are get crazier by the day!

sayanythingelse · 26/06/2022 14:04

Hahaha YABU. I don't tell my neighbours if I'm having a BBQ and similarly, they don't tell me if they're having one. Never had a problem.

You sound like my DM, her neighbours can't breathe in their garden without her complaining about something or other.

mirrorballer · 26/06/2022 14:05

user2567 · 26/06/2022 13:48

I don't think a polite if you had let me know beforehand I would have taken it in is being pissy!

It is what is though and you are absolutely right it is not I worth letting it sour relations

Yeah it was pissy!

If it's the first time they've done it, I'd let it go and ask they let you know next time.

mirrorballer · 26/06/2022 14:05

SunlightThroughTrees · 26/06/2022 13:43

I see these threads fairly often on Mumsnet and the responses are generally split with 50% saying OMG, of course you let neighbours know when you’re having a bbq and the other 50% say it would never occur to them to do so.

I’m in the “it would never occur to me to do so” camp and my neighbours never warn me when they’re having a bbq either. I think it’s far easier to assume vaguely warm or sunny day equals potential for neighbours to be having a bbq that day.

I don’t think it was worth potentially souring relations with your neighbours over with your pissy text message.

Now you've seen the threads, would you let neighbours know though?

Original poster
user2567 · 26/06/2022 14:08

Yes probably on reflection I was rude and could have worded it a bit better, I thought the bbq lighting literally 2 foot from my washing on the line was rude too!

She's apologised by text and I've said not to worry and if you could let me know in future. So peace is restored.

OP posts:
Cookiecrumble22 · 26/06/2022 14:09

The fact the neighbour sent you a text after the bbq had started probably means she had meant to send it before hand but forgot/got distracted. You said they are normally good neighbours. So maybe it was an accident. No point in letting it cause bad feelings

skippy67 · 26/06/2022 14:10

You're being a bit dramatic. Just re wash, no biggie. No need to be "fuming". Peace out.

Leafe182 · 26/06/2022 14:13

YABU…get over yourself.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 26/06/2022 14:13

Honestly, if someone knocked on the door and said "just to let you know, we'll have having a BBQ later" I'd think they were batshit, lol.

Nobody has ever warned me they were having a BBQ.

SunlightThroughTrees · 26/06/2022 14:13

mirrorballer · 26/06/2022 14:05

Now you've seen the threads, would you let neighbours know though?

Show quote history

Absolutely not! I don’t want that to become the norm with my neighbours. Neither of my neighbours either side have ever told me that they’re having a bbq either so it’s not the established rule where I live. If a neighbour knocked and asked me to then I would do my best to remember to do so in future as I have no desire to deliberately irritate my neighbours but would inwardly be rolling my eyes. Choose your battles with your neighbours, in my view.

mamatoTails · 26/06/2022 14:13

All sounds a bit ridiculous to me. I'm a Brit abroad and everyone here has BBQs frequently, all year long. Everyone also hangs their washing out daily, all year long.

whenwillthemadnessend · 26/06/2022 14:15

Well I can't see my nieghbours gardens from mine so wouldn't even occur to me to tell them.

YABU