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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want another baby?

54 replies

Mamaandbub · 23/06/2022 22:08

Soooo complicated background

I’m 28, started my nursing course in 2019. We unexpectedly got pregnant in my first year, I finished the year and then took 2 years out of the course, due to go back in sept this year.

So now both my husband and I are broody and feel like it is the right time to think about having another baby. I love being a mum, it’s my life’s purpose, but I also would love to complete my nursing.

I feel as though waiting until after my course to have another will be too big of a gap for my liking. My son would be minimum 4.5 which I know for some isn’t a big gap, but to me it’s a lot more then I feel comfortable with.

I also feel silly, because I know being a nurse would give our family a really great boost income wise. And allow us to finally buy a house.

my partner said can I not complete another year of my course, while pregnant and then take 1 more year out before finishing. I have a feeling that would be taking the pi** a bit and I’d potentially get kicked off the course.

what would you do!? What’s more important to you? Money/career or family?

OP posts:
Yikesafhutt · 23/06/2022 22:11

4.5 is a perfect age gap as I have that exact gap so I'm biased. In your scenario I'd get your nursing done first - being able to produce a bigger income and buy a house instead of wasting money on rent etc would be enough for me to delay a baby slightly.

tryingtohelpmyparents · 23/06/2022 22:12

Honestly in the nicest way possible, but what's the guarantee you'd fall pregnant again straight away? It could take you a while this time round, so if it was me, I'd go back to continue the course as your husband says.

OneEyedPenguin · 23/06/2022 22:14

It will be difficult and expensive to finish your course when you have two children to run after and pay chikd care fees.

I'd finish your course first.

StepAwayFromGoogling · 23/06/2022 22:20

Agree with PPs. Do your course. Also your husband's compromise is a good one if you do want to try and do get pregnant. What if it takes you a year to conceive this time? Then 9 months pregnant, then 1 year mat leave. So you'll effectively have put your whole life on hold for the best part of three years.

RadFad · 23/06/2022 22:23

It took 2 years to conceive DC2 after falling pregnant quickly with DC1. Start the course and see what happens.

jacks11 · 23/06/2022 22:23

i would strongly advise you to check how long you are allowed to have “time out” before you will be expected to repeat a year. For example, if it is 3-4 years since you did your first year, there would be concern about how much you have retained from that time, which is not unreasonable. I would also check how long from starting the course you have to complete (and whether that includes time you have been off for maternity)- I know there are/were limits on how long you can be on a medical course, for instance.

You also need to consider whether you could afford to go back to studying with extra costs associated costs of 2 children.

It’s not unreasonable to want a second child, but before you make a decision, it would be better to know the full implications of that decision.

Luredbyapomegranate · 23/06/2022 22:25

OneEyedPenguin · 23/06/2022 22:14

It will be difficult and expensive to finish your course when you have two children to run after and pay chikd care fees.

I'd finish your course first.

Yep. Also if you have one at school that’s a lot more manageable for childcare costs.

outshinethemorningsun · 23/06/2022 22:28

Finish your course first!

DC1214 · 23/06/2022 22:28

Why would you get kicked off the course for being pregnant? That would seem terribly unfair. Whether it’s the right time for you is a different matter but I wouldn’t expect getting pregnant to affect your place, 28 seems like an ideal age to have another baby (and I speak as someone who just had their 4th at 43).

SleepingStandingUp · 23/06/2022 22:28

Def don't put off your course because you might get pregnant. You have no idea how long it'll take this time.

. If they'll kick you off the course for having a second maternity leave how will they feel about you taking another two years off now?

If you're serious about becoming a nurse, go back to Uni. Ttc if you really want to, and deal with it when it happens imo

SmallDucks · 23/06/2022 22:29

You have to finish the course (if it's a degree) witching 5 years of starting it.

So if you're planning on taking another two years out, I wouldn't.

SmallDucks · 23/06/2022 22:31

In fact, even if you took another year out, you still wouldn't finish the course within the years

So yeah, you would be kicked off the course and would have to begin again.

GreatCrash · 23/06/2022 22:31

In these circumstances I'd finish the course.

iolaus · 23/06/2022 22:32

I thought you had to finish within 5 years - if you have already taken 2 years out if you add another one you won't qualify

Personally I'd qualify get a job and start trying about 6 months in, so you qualify for full maternity pay (my son was born 18 months after I qualified)

TheGoogleMum · 23/06/2022 22:33

I also vote do the course! I'm actually aiming for a 4.5 age gap between siblings so I only have to pay for nursery one at a time (also less rivalry compared to smaller age gaps)

AliceW89 · 23/06/2022 22:34

My degree (not nursing, other HCP) had to be completed within a set number of years, even in exceptional circumstances. You might want to check that out first.

SunflowerGardens · 23/06/2022 23:14

4 years is an amazing age gap! I would totally recommend it!

Cherryblossoms85 · 23/06/2022 23:15

Finish the course.

Original poster
Mamaandbub · 23/06/2022 23:41

Thank you for your responses that’s actually surprised me 🤣

I feel so strongly about having a smallish gap that it reduces me to tears to think about the possibility of a 4.5/5 year age gap. What if it’s more then that if we struggle to conceive this time round…
But also I know logically qualifying will benefit us all hugely. Mainly financially.

there’s an 11 year age age between myself and my sister and when she was born I felt completely pushed out and replaced. my mum had this perfect new baby and I felt I was looking in from the outside. We never felt like siblings so I always promised myself I’d have my babies very close in age.

interesting about needing to complete the course in 5 years, deffo couldn’t risk having a baby during the course if that’s the case.

Im so stuck

OP posts:
7679aga · 23/06/2022 23:58

I took 2 years out before the last year and im now pregnant in my preceptorship. Id honestly wait or just start the degree again when your donethe first year is the easy bit, the 2nd drags and the 3rd goes extremely quickly.

7679aga · 24/06/2022 00:04

Also just to add to pp you definitely have to complete a nursing degree within a 5 year time frame.

SofiaSoFar · 24/06/2022 00:12

I feel so strongly about having a smallish gap that it reduces me to tears to think about the possibility of a 4.5/5 year age gap.

That's somewhat dramatic, isn't it.

theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity · 24/06/2022 00:16

Why are you stuck?
Just go and finish the course

catflycat · 24/06/2022 00:24

If you know you'd like another baby (and can afford to be out of work etc. and not qualify for maternity pay) then don't put it off, life is more important then work and you never know what will happen/ how long it'll take etc.

SleepingStandingUp · 24/06/2022 00:29

Nursing is a vocation, if you've dipped your toe and it isn't you, that is ok. But if it is, don't let the opportunity pass because you always imagined a specific number and it'll mean this and that. I'm another one with 4.5 year gap, I don't think it's really different to less or small. They fight for attention and toys, they like different things and the same things, they all want to touch me the most and they adore each other.

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