To want another baby?

[Mamaandbub]

Soooo complicated background

I’m 28, started my nursing course in 2019. We unexpectedly got pregnant in my first year, I finished the year and then took 2 years out of the course, due to go back in sept this year.

So now both my husband and I are broody and feel like it is the right time to think about having another baby. I love being a mum, it’s my life’s purpose, but I also would love to complete my nursing.

I feel as though waiting until after my course to have another will be too big of a gap for my liking. My son would be minimum 4.5 which I know for some isn’t a big gap, but to me it’s a lot more then I feel comfortable with.

I also feel silly, because I know being a nurse would give our family a really great boost income wise. And allow us to finally buy a house.

my partner said can I not complete another year of my course, while pregnant and then take 1 more year out before finishing. I have a feeling that would be taking the pi** a bit and I’d potentially get kicked off the course.

what would you do!? What’s more important to you? Money/career or family?

That literally is the case.

So it's either nursing or child.

Finish your course.

Don't worry about the age gap because it didn't work well for you. You know how it affected you so you know how to do it differently to your mum.

We're planning on a 5 year age gap and aren't worried about it.

I would honestly wait and finish your course. I had one baby when I did my course and waited to have my second - the age gap isn't too big at all and they play together (and 4.5 is nowhere near an 11 year gap!!)

If you have another one my bet is that you won't finish your course. And that could really affect your lives. It's not a long time to wait, and once the second baby is here, it will really get so much harder - plus you'll then have another baby to support and pay for which will make it more stressful. 2 is a lot different to 1.

Anyway, TLDR, in my honest opinion you are likely not to finish the course with 2. It's a lot different to 1, more expensive and time consuming. And if you don't finish then where will you be. I would choose the small wait over throwing your course away. GL x

I know of a Midwife who had 2 children during her BSc Midwifery course. It took her 5 years to complete the course and that was pushing the time limit I think.

Also, in terms of consolidating your knowledge and feeling comfortable and confident in your practice when you qualify, I'd personally want to get it done and have a bit of experience before going off again.

When I did my Midwifery degree there was a massive difference between Y1 and Y3 and if I'd had to dip in and out it would've knocked my confidence I reckon.

Would it be possible to restart the course - ttc, and then take only a very short maternity, say 3 months, if you do have a baby whilst on the course? Or try to time it so you have baby over the summer and go back for autumn term?

I know that's a massive compromise but if you feel that strongly about sibling age gap? X

Op I would focus on your career and securing a path towards more money and a better quality of life.

youre 28 you have loads of time to have another child in a few years if you still want one

I'm not sure that those feelings of being pushed out when a new baby comes arose because of the big age gap between you and your sister. There are 2 years between me and my brother and we were awful rivals growing up. I think whatever age gap you have there is potential for the older DC to feel jealous or pushed out or lonely, and there are also things you can do as a parent to help with those feelings.

All of your responses have really helped! Both my husband and I have talked at great length about all the options. He seems to think I should leave now and re-apply once we have completed our family. But I feel torn still

At the moment I’m leaning towards, going back, and start TTC near the end of my course to hopefully minimise the gap, but also allow me to finish the course.

Sadly, I'd hold off till you can buy a house.

We had to do this and ended up with a slightly bigger gap. We rented while dc1 was a baby and were able to buy when she was 3 and conceived dc2 shortly after that, so ended up with a 3 and a bit year gap. It's been great and the security of owning our house is invaluable.

Sadly, I'd hold off till you can buy a house.given the hosing market, that's one way to curb the population

Well if PP are right that you have to finish the degree within five years of starting (and I assume they are right), and you’ve already taken two years out, and it’s a three year degree, then if you have another baby you’ll have to start the degree again. Which would mean the money and time you’ve already spent would be wasted and I assume it would also mean that you would need to apply again and get accepted again (and nursing’s extremely competitive isn’t it?)

OP said in her op that she wanted to finish her nursing degree so that she and her dh could buy a house together?

We had our first baby when we were in rented accommodation as well, so quite clearly I wouldn't support what you've just suggested 😒

I would finish the course.

Are you going to be able to accept a graduate nursing job with two very young children? Nursing hours and rosters can be brutal. I trained as a nurse and worked on the wards for a few years so I had the relevant experience to go into a job with regular hours that work around my child.

If I was in your position I would have a second child now and look at studying speech pathology or occupational therapy. Speechies are the most highly trained allied health professionals and obviously work more sociable hours.

I'd finish the course first. In a nutshell, I had 2 under 2 for a long time, and although one is a fantastic sleeper and the other only wakes once a night for a quick feed, it was still tiring and non-stop. My oldest is now a few months away from turning 3 and it's still very tiring (and DP does his fair share)! From what I've heard from friends, each age has different challenges, but a bigger gap usually seems to be easier. I have one friend with a 16 year gap, and her teenager helps look after the baby and will often change/feed/entertain them - I am a bit jealous of that! 😂

Finish the course then try. It’ll be much harder to do with 2 kids. Your career is important, your family’s financial security is important.

You don't know if your children will be close or not. Just because you're not close to yours doesn't mean your children will not be close. Anyway there is a big difference between an 11 year age gap and a 5 year age gap. I get on well with my sister and there is an 8 year age gap between us.

As a consideration nursing is really difficult at the moment if your heart isn't in it you probably won't last through qualifying or beyond.
If your heart is in it wating until qualifying and worrking for a year will mean you get pretty good maternity pay. As a band 5 over the 12 months you could take home around 1100 pm which could really help out with your family and future plans. I highly doubt you will qualify if you chose to stop the course it will be so much more difficult with 2 children at home and then you may want another one further interupting your studies.
The NMC standards change too frequently for you to be competent practitioner if you max out time off the degree.

Only 1100 pm? I take home £1600 and I'm the bottom of band 5 at the moment.

Do you actually want to be nurse?

What is your childcare plan for irregular shifts including compulsory night shifts?

It's going to be difficult to manage with one child, let alone two.

1100 on mat leave not usually

Complete your nursing degree and then have another child. It would be much harder to do it with 2 children to care for especially as you will want to spend more time with the new baby. Nursing is a great career to go back to with minimal refresher times, and is so accommodating to families and the pay is good with progression.

Oh mat leave pay. I thought it was general pay. I didn't think that sounded right 😁

@Dishwashersaurous
yep, I do, I’ve worked in health care since the age of 18.
not everyone works on a ward, nursing has many different roles, even some office based.
i plan to work part time, community based. An area I currently work in. I have a childminder, along with family support.

I'm someone who put off doing my final professional exams to have a baby. After dc was born it literally took me years to do one final exam because I cba to do everything that had to be done. I would 100% get your course done first.

I have a sister who is 13 years older than me and we get on very well. She actually went to boarding school when I was born and I can't imagine how that must have felt me being born and her being sent off to school but she's always loved having me as a sister so I really don't think it has to be the way you feel with age gaps. Incidentally I also have a younger sister closer in age and we get on less. You can't control or predict these things I don't think!