Gushing tributes when someone has died

[GarethKeenan]

The tributes to deceased adults on social media are grating.

They become a saint when they die and people care far more about them when they stop breathing. People who had plenty of bad words to say, definitely held a grudge, made many very questionable life choices while openly judging others for theirs are mistily described as the best of us, pure magic etc. Even by people who actively disliked the deceased and were happy to say so

But, oh- "I can't believe they're gone, life will never be the same." I get that when it's coming from their spouse or kids (those that are close to their parents.) But a great grandson who never met them making a tiktok about how he will be sorting out a balloon release in honour? An ex neighbour who hasn't bothered for years posting live about how the news has hit her like a ton of bricks, they were so close etc. Really? You'll miss them so much will you? I doubt you've thought about them in years.

Why do people have to claim someone was practically Jesus Christ himself and that they had a close and loving relationship, "hole left in my life blah blah," when they hadn't laid eyes on them or spoken in years? And they tag a social media account of the deceased, it all seems to be so more people see it and get more likes and I find it ghoulish. Like a public act of grieving for a round of applause. Some of the tributes are so gushing it's uncomfortable to read them. Aibu to see it as a sort of grubby scramble for the most likes on a death announcement?

Most death announcements will be met with positive stories about the deceased. If gushing bothers you give them a swerve. It's unusual and frowned upon frowned upon to write "Bob has died. He was a smelly cunt, hope he rots".

Because they're hoping people say that about them when THEY cark it

It's all about keeping the show on the road

Totally agree with you OP. See also, people who talk to the dead person on anniversaries via FB posts.

A balloon release?

Hate people who do this. They do it for attention to make people feel sorry for them. I have a friend who gets upset when randoms or celebs die.. I think she likes the wallowing!!

Releasing balloons is really bad for the environment*

*Not really the point

Absolutely laughed out loud at this!!! 🤣

It would be alright if it was positive stories, like "I'll never forget when...."

But it's "my world has fallen apart, I don't know how to face this world without you, great uncle Bob who I met once when I was fifteen and occasionally accepted Facebook game invites from and liked a few statuses of"

It's so distasteful. I very recently lost a family member and the tributes are pouring in out of the woodwork from people who never bothered from one decade to the next, phrased as if they practically lived with my relative and never spent a day apart.

Grief tourism innit. People enjoy the drama of death.

You wait until the queen dies.

It is. Anyone who has said this has been met with "how offensive, let him pay his respects. Ignore them hun, your grandad would have loved it." This kiddie's great grandad was a farmer and he would have fucking hated it, but that's not the point. The resulting balloon drifting tiktok that will be set to Ellie Goulding "how long will I love you" or something is what matters

“Oh but they mean well……” 🙄

Widow of just about five months here who knows Exactly what you mean……

We had a local lad a few years ago killed in a flat he was hiding in. He was a drug dealer and had brought misery to peoples lives. He once pulled his car up in front of a heavily pregnant friend of mine whose ex had drug problems and owed him money. She was terrified. He was known by the police and weeks before his death there was a wanted article in the local paper. He was early 20s when someone broke into his flat and murdered him over some drug debt. Family and friends all came out of the woodwork lamenting how broken they all were and how he was a loveable rogue and adored by his younger siblings. They then went onto organise a sponsored event in his name like he was some sort of Saint. I'm not saying he deserved to die but he knew what sort of life he was leading and risking. He had caused his family heartbreak over the years. I'm saying this as someone whose brother was murdered years ago and although completely different circumstances but I understand their grief. It's like everyone forgot what he was like in real life. Ok I get grief and looking on the good side of people when they pass but this was so over the top. Every week for ages someone was posting something about him. No one mentioned the drugs and the pain he had caused others.

What a fucking nasty mean spirited post.

My husband died 7 weeks ago. I can tell you the tributes from friends and colleagues have been really lovely and have were a source of great comfort to me and the kids.

But fuck us eh - we are only grieving the loss of an amazing husband and wonderful Dad.

Nasty thread!

It’s the anniversary ones of their great Nan or pet dogs I can’t deal with.
It seems constant and always the biggest attention seeking posts, I dunno why anyone posts these things online, Iv had a lot of deaths in my family and always the same family members that NEVER miss an anniversary but never mentioned them before or throughout the year, then get all the sad comments.
Why is life like this now?

Both my parents died this year. And while I can acknowledge they weren't the easiest people it was a huge comfort to me that hundreds of people have contacted me on different ways to highlight their good points (and there were many, despite their trickiness!)

I read your OP and immediately knew you'd not long lost someone.

I agree. The husband of someone I know died a couple of years ago. He was disrespectful, lazy, abusive, a drunk driver and a complete waste of space. They even separated for a while. The widow posts on Facebook every anniversary of birthdays, father's day, death anniversary etc of how wonderful he was.

He wasn't. He was a selfish lazy arsehole.

Genuine tributes and condolences are appreciated from close people without a doubt.

I think what the OP is getting at is when close family are bombarded with people claiming they don’t know how they’ll carry on without the deceased in their life while spouse / children / parents are scratching their heads and wondering who they are….. and whose lives have actually been turned upside down every which way from Sunday……

But everyone’s experience of grief is different - not judging by any means…… but sometimes family are left feeling as though they should be doing the comforting rather than being comforted….

Humans are complicated creatures for sure…..

To those of you who have recently lost someone you love, I'm not talking about your posts or the posts and tributes from people who loved them or love you. I'm talking about posts from Sandra who used to work with them a decade ago acting like she's their best mate and doesn't know how the world will continue to turn for her anymore. I'm talking about the bloke down the pub who was always talking shit about them suddenly talking like he's going to miss them so much and posting pictures of himself raising a pint to his lips in tribute to someone he made miserable with his oafishness. I mean those sorts of posts. Grief thieves. Desperate for likes. People who haven't got a single photo of them with the deceased, can't tell a single meaningful tale of the two of them but are acting as if their death has rocked their entire foundations. That is what I'm on about

I agree with the sentiment of the OP in a way. You can remember a person who has died without exaggerating their relationship to you. A simple RIP or thoughts for family who mourn is enough.

Grief thiefs.

I don’t understand why these posts always have to include a pic of the person posting and the person who has died, it seems very self obsessed. It’s all of them isn’t it? Can’t just put a pic of the person who’s passed away it always has to include the poster in it. Same with birthday posts.

Bit different I think. They are his nearest and dearest at least, and it's not uncommon to mourn the son/father/mother you wished you had rather than the one you ended up with.
The ones OP is talking about are the near strangers who are piggy backing onto someone else's tragedy, performance grieving for attention.

When a joyrider has crashed and killed not just himself and his mates in the car...they are " loveable rogues" and " great lads".