Gushing tributes when someone has died

[GarethKeenan]

The tributes to deceased adults on social media are grating.

They become a saint when they die and people care far more about them when they stop breathing. People who had plenty of bad words to say, definitely held a grudge, made many very questionable life choices while openly judging others for theirs are mistily described as the best of us, pure magic etc. Even by people who actively disliked the deceased and were happy to say so

But, oh- "I can't believe they're gone, life will never be the same." I get that when it's coming from their spouse or kids (those that are close to their parents.) But a great grandson who never met them making a tiktok about how he will be sorting out a balloon release in honour? An ex neighbour who hasn't bothered for years posting live about how the news has hit her like a ton of bricks, they were so close etc. Really? You'll miss them so much will you? I doubt you've thought about them in years.

Why do people have to claim someone was practically Jesus Christ himself and that they had a close and loving relationship, "hole left in my life blah blah," when they hadn't laid eyes on them or spoken in years? And they tag a social media account of the deceased, it all seems to be so more people see it and get more likes and I find it ghoulish. Like a public act of grieving for a round of applause. Some of the tributes are so gushing it's uncomfortable to read them. Aibu to see it as a sort of grubby scramble for the most likes on a death announcement?

can i state my annoyance?
it is about how beautiful they were

what happens if they werent beautiful?

I think some people are missing the OP's point.

Of course tributes to a loved one are of great comfort - they certainly were to me when my husband died.

But there is a type of person who wallows in the death of anyone they vaguely know, whose response is disproportionate to the relationship they had, who revels in the situation without actually having to genuinely suffer any loss. It's completely indulgent.

The day my husband died a friend(?) came round and screamed hysterically in my sitting room until my dad insisted she left. She wanted me to comfort her. It was completely inappropriate and horrifying. She barely knew my husband, she just got off on the drama.

And I don't need to hear any nonsense about people grieving in their own way. It's not grief.

Agreed. I always wonder if it wasn't 'free' nowadays, how many people would actually pay to publish their grief in the local paper's 'deaths' section.

I knew somebody in childhood who was a little shit. Never grew out of it either. His mother disowned him. He died in recent years in a drug gang related incident and now his mother's Facebook name is 'Jane BobsMum Smith'. Sad thing is she has 4 other children who apparently won't mean as much to their mother until they're dead?

We're not talking about grieving people though

Exactly! Mum, sis and I were asked for comfort by people who hadn't seen or cared about dad in years. The classic being "I'm struggling to cope with your father's death".

that guy was lucky I didn't boot him out. Last seen about 20 years prior, telling dad "I thought you'd have a better house by now". Absolute wanker of the highest order. There are even more on social media than IRL, I'm guessing?

Sorry I misunderstood the post. So please ignore my ramblings. But now I understand I have an aunty thats a grief tourist. She puts on Facebook any long distant relative that has died and gets lots of comments from colleagues how sorry they are for her etc etc. We know she doesn't actually know the deceased well, if at all but loves the attention. Awful to take it away from actual close family and friends.

I remember a thing in 'Private Eye' years ago whereby a man walking down a London street, found a cellophane-wrapped bouquet of flowers. He propped it up against a nearby lamppost in the hope that the owner would retrace their footsteps and be able to recover it, and that it wouldn't be crushed.

The following morning he drives past and sees the pavement surrounding the lamppost awash with floral tributes. Later that day they've been joined by candles and teddies.

He wrote to the local paper pointing out the rise of what we'd now call 'grief vampires' I guess, and was promptly accused of being some kind performance artist/weirdo, by people clearly reluctant to acknowledge their own batshittery.

I agree. I told my husband a fee days ago the only people I want at my funeral are the ones I know who will support him and the kids. Not the fake crying brigade who come for a sausgae roll and a post on Facebook lol.
We had a family member pass away. Hundreds at funeral. Only a handful checked in. Can't stand the fake bullshit

I actually commented on a FB post about an old teacher of mine that died. All 'she was a great' etc, I said my memories of her were that she was a bully and screamed and scared the other children 🙈

I knew a couple of the people commenting their commiserations as well, funny because we'd all spoken in the past of how horrible she was

On one hand I agree with you, but on the other when DB died after years of being a complete mess it was really nice to read some really positive comments from people who knew him before, I was grateful for their comments tbh.

@NippyWoowoo you actually said that? Or just thought it and said something bland or nothing.?

@EmmaH2022

Sorry, my snippy comment was aimed at those saying this thread is snippy and mean - spirited ….. I am in agreement with the OP and that the people they are referring to aren’t grieving exactly….. and perhaps just want to insert themselves into drama via the most tenuous of connections…..

I hit peak WTF when a few people asked who the widow was at my DPs wake, because I wasn’t weeping and wailing to the same level as some others….. I was numb, in shock, and quietly trying to dissolve into a vat of vodka…..

@NippyWoowoo I'm a member of a FB group of my old school pupils. A few years back the death of a retired teacher was announced. Everyone gushed about how wonderful this teacher was. I privately messaged my friend and we reminisced about what an absolute arsehole this teacher really was 🤣

@LisaSimpson77 I said it. It wasn't posted by a family member or anything, it was by an old classmate.