How much board/rent

[loopshot]

So ds18 just left college and started a full time job. He's on an apprentice wage so gets £192 a week. He pays £15 travel pass and £50 driving lesson a week.

Just discussing with DP (not ds dad) about charging him board. I said I haven't charged him yet, I don't know how much to charge him, should I wait till he's on full money?
Basically DP has had a go saying If I don't charge him board then he isn't paying anything towards bills. Why should ds live here rent free, why should he pay for him!

I never said he can live here rent free I just said I don't know how much to charge him. He's really pissed me off with his comment!

So who is being unreasonable and how much do you think I should charge ds?

Because it is a joint household with 2 adults? Usually 2 adults pay their way. And the OP said originally "Why should ds live here rent free, why should he pay for him!" Although OP has since said the DP doesn't pay for anything so who knows. The conversations sound like a bad Eastenders episode.

I should probably say my opinion is slightly coloured by the fact I currently have 19-year old DSS in the house who is currently treating our house like a hotel, as well as undermining our parenting with younger children. We do pay for him as he is at university and he has thousands in the bank left over from the year as well as his summer job, but was resentful when his father asked him to treat us to coffee on the way when we drove an hour and a half to pick up his girlfriend.

I would be flabbergasted if someone said I shouldn't have a say in my own house and 'should shut the fuck up.'

This baffles me about the UK coming from somewhere else in Europe. People have kids just to start charging them money when they turn 18 and are barely making any money?

I would never charge my child who should be prioritizing education/work experience and already has expenses like driving lessons.

This child has chosen to leave education and start work. An apprentiship is at the bottom of the work ladder but it is full time work and £192 per week is not barely making any money. In the UK when someone leaves education to start an apprentiship their parents lose things like Child Benefit. For families on low incomes things like housing benefit/universal credit may also be affected.

DS1 is earning similar at the moment. He pays me £60 per month for his share of electric/gas, WiFi, and water and, from September, he will be paying his own car insurance and phone bill.

There's no reason teens shouldn't be contributing to the household when they are earning even if it's just a nominal amount.

My son is an apprentice. He pays £25 a week plus £8 a week towards his phone bill. He also pays for his driving lessons and travel to work.

I am saving so I can give him money towards a car when he passes his test. So not specifically saving his keep but currently it's going towards that.

He's getting a chunky payrise towards the end of the year so I will put his rent up then a bit.

I think it's good that they start to contribute especially given rising prices. I would show them, if you havent already, what your base costs are - mortgage/rent, council tax, water, gas, elec, insurance etc so they see the true cost.

I would say however that I think it is more important that they contribute to the running of the home. Of course they should clear up after themselves but they should be on the cleaning 'rota' e.g. bathroom, hoovering and do their own laundry. I know I will get flamed for this but I think this is especially important for young men so that they learn that these jobs are just a normal part of living not that they just magically get done.

We never charged my adult stepchildren and won't be charging the younger ones when they're older, I don't personally feel good about charging! They used to sometimes buy ingredients and cook a nice meal though :-)

I'd take something make sure it doesn't leave him skint . Mine got 2nd job in hospitality when they were 18 to pay to run there car .
At 18 need to start paying for something

When my youngest did his apprenticeship I didn’t charge him anything. He did take over paying for his phone, gym membership, netflicks and broadband connection. A few years now since he has qualified and he still pays the above plus buys his own food , car and pays £100 which is roughly the amount he costs in extra bills but it is only so low as he is saving a deposit to buy and puts away £1000 a month. He is now 24 and should be in a position to buy by he is 25. We are in the south east so needs a decent deposit even for a flat.

I think it's good that he learns he's got to contribute. I'd say £100 per month and also suggest to him that he puts £50 also into savings. I think that's fair!

16 years old Ds has just left school and will be earning £250 per week as an apprentice. Dh has asked for £50 per week but we will save half of that for ds as he isn’t a great saver. I do also pay for his phone, clothes etc.

I haven't read the other posts ngl but when I was 18/19 and working I'd get £79.50-£100 a week and I paid £20 and then when I turned 20 and went to uni I paid £50 a week

will your partner have the same attitude to his biological children? not suggesting he treats then differently but does he?

I ask because similar situation happened to me, when I was 17 and working my mum and step dad took pretty much everything I earnt. I was left with just about enough for my train ticket and that was only halfway. had to cycle the rest of the way. His and my mums biological children have not had it so harsh, nowhere near so I think you need to be careful in that respect.

having said that, I think a token amount is reasonable to ask. Your partners attitude and stance on it is odd though, him and your son are not remotely comparable as you're not his mother and bear zero responsibility for your partner. Screams sulky man child to me.

I'm glad you said that to your dp. Sounds like a bit of a tosser!

What's the financial split of bills between you and your partner? If it's 50 50 then I seem to be in the minority here but your partner will be paying for your child so therefore I think he does get a say. But is your partner living there rent free while renting his house out? Then no he doesn't get a say.
How much child benefit or whatever have you lost now that your son is earning?

I agree with @Discovereads

At 18 and he's self funding driving lessons at £200/month I wouldn't charge him anything.

Charge him absolutely nothing and if that means that the old grump ups and offs then so be it. Your child is your child, not your tenant!!!

Dp does contribute yes. He gives me around half a month towards bills and food.

He is really starting to piss me off again and making me think twice about our relationship.
I've told him if I do ask ds for money it will be around £20 a week till he gets full wage.

Dp at it again saying what's £20 going to cover, he's not paying for someone in work to live here. If that's the case then he will lower the money he puts in every month as well.

I do sort of get where he's coming from but it's not just anyone living here it's my son!!
Told him see what his attitude is like when his own children are old enough to pay rent/board. Sure it will be a different story then!

@Miajk baffles me too.. and I'm in the UK!

My son will be starting his apprenticeship in August and I plan to get him to give a third of his money for housekeeping.

Seems I'm mostly going against the grain, but simply because if you don't it will come as a massive shock to him when he moves in to his own place, I'd charge him at least £50 bed and board. If you don't need it then put it in a savings account for him when he moves in to his own place. He'll still have over £100/week to himself (which he should be using to buy anything else he needs) which is a hell of a lot more than he's likely to have when he moves out.
It really is a case of being cruel to be kind and will help him prepare for the real world.

I could not disagree more. I think it's being cruel to be cruel. It's not going to be a major shock for them to have to pay for things, kids know this! They have enough crap to deal with as they emerge into the world of adulthood without their parents taking money off them when they have so little coming in in the first place.

Yes, this seems like the best solution.

Tell your DP he can move out and find somewhere else to live. See how he gets on refusing to pay bills 😂

When you say your DP pays towards bills and food does that include housing costs i.e. your rent or the interest part of your mortgage? Because otherwise he’s not paying fully for himself let alone towards DS

My DS is an apprentice earning a little bit more than yours. I take £150 a month off him to pay for his car insurance which is over £1000 a year