How much board/rent

[loopshot]

So ds18 just left college and started a full time job. He's on an apprentice wage so gets £192 a week. He pays £15 travel pass and £50 driving lesson a week.

Just discussing with DP (not ds dad) about charging him board. I said I haven't charged him yet, I don't know how much to charge him, should I wait till he's on full money?
Basically DP has had a go saying If I don't charge him board then he isn't paying anything towards bills. Why should ds live here rent free, why should he pay for him!

I never said he can live here rent free I just said I don't know how much to charge him. He's really pissed me off with his comment!

So who is being unreasonable and how much do you think I should charge ds?

If my partner was a dick, I’d say worse than that. Enough with the faux shock. 🙄

And well done to your son for getting an apprenticeship OP. I hope he does well.

Just noticed this. NGL, your relationship doesn't sound very good.

£192 take home pay when you have many adults expected to feed, clothes and pay their bills on far, far less. Plus it can affect some families benefits/council tax reductions etc. It is only fair that young people learn to start contributing towards their costs.

My daughter takes home £240 per week plus she gets a bit of housing benefit due to living in London. On that she is expected to pay for all her food, bills, clothes, wifi, share of council tax (shared house) and £35 per week travel to work costs.

I'd say about £50 per week is reasonable. It still leaves your ds approx £80 per week disposable income which is more than many have.

I guess this explains why there are so many happy posters in respectful relationships on MN then

There is no 'faux shock' here. No-one in a good relationship would be speaking to their partner like this. From what the OP said about her partner in her first post AND the one where she said he can fuck off back to the house he rents out, it's clear it's not a good relationship. I feel sorry for you if you think this is 'normal' behaviour and a normal way of speaking to a partner in a relationship. I hope you find better.

That's a bit harsh. If we needed the money, and there was an adult bringing in money to just blow on shit, I would absolutely expect them to contribute their share. Why should anyone get a free ride at the expense of others?

That's to @SexyBastardSmile ^

If you don’t need the money, save it for him. £25 a week would IMO be more than reasonable.

Personally I don’t think that allowing dcs who are earning to live totally rent free, does them any favours. It’ll come as that much more of a shock when they do eventually move out and find out what a roof over your head, food and bills, etc., actually cost.

Honestly with that wage I wouldn't charge anything.

But clearly OPs partner is a dick, being jealous of her child, so he deserves her words.

I’ve already said that I have no time for men like that and he’d be out the door, so no need to hope I find better. My bar is very, very high. 😉

I think you’re being harsh to say “there was an adult bringing money in to just blow on shit”. There is zero evidence the apprentice wages are going to be blown on shit FFS. There are all kinds of expenses involved such as transportation, uniform/clothing, college course materials/computer/printing, saving for tools of the trade/equipment, and so on. Plus he is paying for driving lessons…not cheap. Then there is saving to move out after the apprenticeship. Deposit on a rental, furniture, white goods, home stuff like dishes, pots, pans, kettle and so on.
The focus should be on that income being saved towards the DCs independence, which most responsible apprentices will use the money for. Yes, a few feckless youths might blow their money on shit, but that’s not the norm.

Agree with @Discovereads

Why should anyone get a free ride at the expense of others?
Because your DC isn’t just “anyone” and as their parent it’s your responsibility to give them the best start in life. That doesn’t mean withdrawing support at age 18 when they’re in the middle of FT education as an apprentice simply because they’re getting a bit of money to cover costs instead of going into masses of debt as a Uni student.

I think he should pay something, young people need to learn that wages (even apprentice wages) aren't just for clothes, social life etc. Does he save anything out of what he earns?

Your DP's attitude is not very pleasant though .. I would be tempted to get rid of him .. what does he bring to you life?

I agree. But for many mumsnetters, everything has to be a lesson in how hard life must be for your children.

I looked at dd's budget

Wages £240
Universal Credit housing £52

Rent £125
Food £35
Travel £30
Bills £10
Council Tax £10
Phone £5
Insurances £2.50

Left over for clothes, socialising etc £74.50

FGS, it's hardly 'showing him a hard life' to charge fifteen to twenty quid a week for board money! Good grief! It's simply showing him that now he's working and bringing in almost TWO HUNDRED POUNDS A WEEK in, that he needs to contribute a little bit!

I would take £40 a week and then save it all for him until he really needs it for example for a car or to rent a place etc, furniture and stuff.

$40 a week for the next year is like 2kish so he would have a nice start up fund to do something with

No need to make it harder if you don’t need to. He’s on a low wage and his travel and driving lessons take a big chunk. My opinion is as valid as yours, remember that.

Your DP expressed himself very badly but he does have a point , everyone who is capable of earning should be able to keep or contribute towards there keep

Your son is earning almost £200 per week , he has a current financial outlay of £65 per week leaving him £128 over , I really think he should contribute something in the region of £20-25 for the household budget and put into savings a further £40-50 this will leave him around £ 53-68
it may sound harsh but £53-£68 is loads of pocket money , more than many have left to spend as they like
It's a perfect opportunity now he has a regular income to build a responsibility with money where he saves regularly for his future , it would be good if he saves with your guidance to develop a good habit of saving (towards a house deposit or similar ) rather than you save it for him as too many young people do not have guidance in saving money and then cannot budget later within their means

I used to pay my mum a weeks wages per month. I was 16 and in my first full time job.

best deal ever!

so 25% of his weekly pay if he’s paid weekly.

When DD was at home from uni during lockdown, she was earning about the same amount. She bought about £30 of food a week, mainly things that she'd prefer to cook for herself (as virtually vegan) but she'd sometimes cook for us and bring home nice treats for us. She's funded herself at uni this year, so that's a large chunk out of her earnings.

As an apprentice who is paying for own travel there/back and also driving lessons (extortionate right now) I would not charge him yet. I would wait. Just my thoughts though.