Head has not done what they said they would

[ShepherdMoons]

Dd in Year 4 has experienced bullying with two of her friends. It's been more of a mental bullying with them saying things about us (her parents) that we are going to die, her pet dying, criticising her body and looks, ostracising her, whispering etc.

The class teacher tried to resolve it but the problem persisted and then we spoke to the Head. At this point (7 months on) dd was suffering with anxiety and ocd. The Head told us didn't think the girls doing this behaviour really knew what they were doing and probably just needed an informal chat in his office. He also said that he would check in with dd every week to see how she was getting on.

This was over five weeks ago and the head didn't speak to the girls, he got the class teacher to have a 'little' word with them (according to the class teacher). He checked on them at lunchtime the day I had spoken to him and one of the girls went up to dd and hugged her. After that the head hasn't spoken to me or dd about the problem but it has persisted.

A new girl joined the school a few weeks ago and dd made friends with her and played with her at lunchtime. It made a massive difference to her mental health and we saw the bubbly girl we love returning. Yesterday the two girls who were bullying her have been playing with dd's new friend and started turning her against dd. They've been making nasty comments in class (the three of them) and dd cried herself to sleep again last night.

AIBU to think I have been to the Head once and really nothing got done? Where should I go with this now? The school website does not have a bullying policy, it seems to be a small part of the behaviour policy.

What do you want the head to do? They reasonably asked the class teacher to talk to the children as a starting point (more appropriate than him going in straight away as that leaves no chance to escalate)- and it seemed like it was sorted by the sound of it. Has she been speaking to her teacher about it? Do any of them know what happened yesterday?

Oh op sorry to hear this situ - horrible for your little girl and you! YADNBU. I’d go back to the head and ask if he has done what he said because the bullying is still continuing?
I would ask the head outright what is the next step if this continues which it currently is? Could you request a meeting with the head and the parents of the other children asap so they are also aware of their kids behaviour? I would raise hell and hold the staff to account on their inaction. You could approach the governors perhaps & ask for the policy on bullying? Best of luck to you xxxx

@Groovybic you may have misread my post. I pointed out that the class teacher was aware of the problem and had tried to resolve it before I spoke to the Head.

I would absolutely request a formal meeting with the head. Print out the bullying policy, underline any relevant bits and ask him why X has not been done. It's a total fallacy that these can't be addressed. They can get the parents of the other girls in and speak to them both with and without their DDS present. Most, though not all, would be horrified and deal with it strongly at home. They might not make friends with the ops DD again but they will stop the nastiness of its made extremely clear to them that it will not be tolerated and they will lose out on privileges, trips, treats etc. I say this as a teacher and a mum of a primary aged DD who has dealt with this. If the head fails to act, it's governor time.

Write a letter detailing what's happening, how it's affecting your DD and asking them to reply within 7 days stating how they are going to resolve it. Keep it factual and address it to the head and cc it to the governor's.

We did this and it was resolved the same day.

What is the schools anti bullying policy? Are they following it? Everything in writing from now on.

Yesterday the two girls who were bullying her have been playing with dd's new friend and started turning her against dd. They've been making nasty comments in class (the three of them) and dd cried herself to sleep again last night.

They are allowed to make friends with the new girl. The issue is the nasty comments.

What happens when DD tells the teacher?

Print off the behaviour policy, safeguarding policy and the complaints policy. As you have already tried the class teacher and the head to no avail then the next step is to contact the Chair of Governors.

You could give the head one more try-and I would do that today, with those policies in hand. I would ask why, after your last meeting he has failed to do the things he said he would and why his school is consistently failing to safeguard your child from bullying and why are they not protecting her mental health and well-being. I would also say that I want this registered as a formal complaint-write a quick letter to hand to the head whilst you are there, because then you can complain straight to the CoG. As a CoG, I would be appalled if any of the children in my school were not being protected.

In my school, the children would be called in to see the head-then their parents would be called in as well. Systems would be put in place to safeguard your child and their mental health and well-being. They’d be going to lunchtime clubs and supported with a buddy etc Your DD should also have a trusted adult she can go to.

Wouldn’t you just wonder why nobody is ever able to put the fear of god into these little bitches. I have the same problem.

🤷‍♀️

Everything in writing.

Email the Head with what was agreed and ask why they haven't followed through.

Do this now.

I changed my daughter's school when she was 6 due to the exact same behaviour from her so-called friends from preschool. Ten years on she has flourished and has excelled academically and socially. The so-called friends have struggled and have numerous problems. Changing schools is the best option imo.

In the five weeks since you spoke to the Head, and the bullying has continued, has your daughter mentioned this to her teacher? Have you spoken to anyone again?

If you have then I would say go in on a slightly stronger foot but if no one has been told you need to request a meetint, let them know it is still an issue and agree next steps together. If theybhave not been told you cannot expect the staff to be clairvoyant and know this is still happening, especially with it being verbal comments here and there that staff members will not be able to pick on unless told.

you can tell who has encountered this sort of thing before and who hasn’t in this thread. My child has had this sort of bullying and also physical bullying. I’d take physical bullying any day over this sort of thing. Some girls are psychotic.

My dd does not feel she can approach the teacher as she is so busy and in dd's words 'shouting'. The teacher has problems with the class who are very noisy, disruptive and can be heard from the other side of the school (this is what the deputy head told me at Easter). The deputy also said there are a number of difficult boys in the group that have made teaching the class difficult.

I've not spoken to the Head since our conversation about the problem but will speak to him again today. I have also recorded the details and will ask for some information on the anti bullying policy.

Speak to him and hand over your "complaint" in writing at the same time.

The power is putting it in writing and asking what they are going to do to protect your child from this sustained and targeted bullying.

Absolutely unacceptable for this to be happening so long. I agree with others, put it in writing, ask for a clear plan of how it will be addressed, I'd expect the girls parents to be spoken to and it addressed properly.

Bullying is horrific, my friends child has now made 3 suicide attempts and self harms. I'm not saying that to worry you, just stress how important it is to nip this in the bud quickly.
The difficult and disruptive class is completely irrelevant to you and your DD.

It sounds like the teacher isn't getting any support either and is likely fighting to get through the days rather than have energy to give the level of attention they'd like to children. This isn't acceptable though for your daughter or for the teacher- by the sound of it the head isn't that arsed. You could try contacting the Head of governors, often that gets things moving.

Complain on basis of the school anti bullying policy, to the governors if needs be. Girls of that age can be really nasty and damage long term.

Just wondering if anybody knows WHY anti bullying policies are so ineffective? I don’t want the nasty little cow who has hit and pinched my child 12 times - to be given a talking to. I want to know that, at some point, if her behaviour continues that there are proper sanctions like
suspension available rather than some sort of soft-soaping discussion with her parents. not every billy is a victim although that seems to be prevailing thought. What if you’re just a badly behaved brat that nobody can discipline? It’s immensely frustrating. If my children behaved like that I’d go through them and they’d never dare bully again.

We have been to the headmaster twice now. What’s next - governors? What do they actually do in this situation? Anybody know?

PUNCHED not pinched

I read your post today Op with interest. I am so so sorry your child is going through this it is just awful. However I have to say you are not on your own regarding the lack of support and I would say how you feel is entirely justified. I am and have been banging my head on a brick wall all year with my dds school,different matter than bullying but they promised us a lot and delivered nothing...it ended up where my dd 10 yrs said leave it mum they dont care I will manage somehow and to hear that is heart breaking. Keep going back be THAT mum.I know you shouldnt have to but make your voice be heard would be my advice, I am still banging on and frankly if they did what they said they would they would have much easier lives as they wouldnt get a peep out of me!! But they aren't so I am making a bit of a nuisance of myself , Its way too late for us for this year but I will see to it that they follow their plans going into year 6.its a battle daily . Go back and demand they do whats agreed and whats right for your child.

Can you move your child? She's got two years left of this and the school doesn't take bullying seriously.

For a head to just breezily dismiss this as 'oh, they don't realise they're being unkind' suggests a systemic failure in understanding the nature of bullying. I suspect there's some unconscious sexism at play here too - 'oh, girls always have these little fall outs. They'll be best friends tomorrow! It's not proper bullying like the boys do'.

You could complain but I fear you'll get nowhere because this is about a fundamental denial of how bullying works.

I'm so sorry, and am shocked at some of the replies on this thread. Even pinching would be completely unacceptable

This is so horrible OP, keep on the school about it, children spend so much of their lives in school, it should be a place that they feel safe. The girls being children doesn't excuse it, they lack the capacity for the level of thinking that adults have, but it's up to adults to enforce that it's unacceptable.

Bullying adults don't just fall out of the sky, it starts here.

Thanks for all your replies. The Head was not in his office this morning when I called but the secretary said he will ring me today. I have also started drafting a letter to the chair of governors and have a record of the conversations I have had with the class teacher and Head with dates, etc.

It was really hard getting dd to go into school this morning, she was up most of the night crying and I also worn out with this. I had messaged the parents of the girls many months ago and one of them just said 'oh they're little monkeys' and the other hasn't responded at all.