Head has not done what they said they would

[ShepherdMoons]

Dd in Year 4 has experienced bullying with two of her friends. It's been more of a mental bullying with them saying things about us (her parents) that we are going to die, her pet dying, criticising her body and looks, ostracising her, whispering etc.

The class teacher tried to resolve it but the problem persisted and then we spoke to the Head. At this point (7 months on) dd was suffering with anxiety and ocd. The Head told us didn't think the girls doing this behaviour really knew what they were doing and probably just needed an informal chat in his office. He also said that he would check in with dd every week to see how she was getting on.

This was over five weeks ago and the head didn't speak to the girls, he got the class teacher to have a 'little' word with them (according to the class teacher). He checked on them at lunchtime the day I had spoken to him and one of the girls went up to dd and hugged her. After that the head hasn't spoken to me or dd about the problem but it has persisted.

A new girl joined the school a few weeks ago and dd made friends with her and played with her at lunchtime. It made a massive difference to her mental health and we saw the bubbly girl we love returning. Yesterday the two girls who were bullying her have been playing with dd's new friend and started turning her against dd. They've been making nasty comments in class (the three of them) and dd cried herself to sleep again last night.

AIBU to think I have been to the Head once and really nothing got done? Where should I go with this now? The school website does not have a bullying policy, it seems to be a small part of the behaviour policy.

I would move her if there’s another school nearby that would be suitable. I moved both my children at different times during primary school when they were having problems that the school wouldn’t deal with. Both settled quickly into their new schools and my eldest was like a different child after one day at the new school!

@Jadecarrot we've been hanging on to see if it would change there but I think you are right. It has been really affecting her enjoyment of school and self esteem.

@aquietlifeplease that's really good to hear! I am not sure how dd would cope with the move because her confidence has been low due to recent events. We've been thinking we could take her out earlier from her current school and look at a move for September which would give her a chance to start afresh.

My two have completely different personalities but neither of them is particularly sociable - one is your typical nerd type and the other very quiet and not very out going but they both found their feet quickly (they both moved in year 4) and I think the relief of being out of the unpleasant situations at their old school in itself helped. It’s a difficult situation but I know if my child was ever unhappy at school again and the school wasn’t helping to sort the situation out I would definitely look into moving them.

Good luck. I have moved both of my children as I felt it just wasn't the right fit for them. Nothing essentially terrible, just wrong. Both had massive leaps in confidence and wellbeing once moved.

Even if they call you follow that up with an email stating what was said and agreed in the telephone call. This is a safeguarding issue and they should definitely have a copy of that on their school website.

Him observing one play time does not absolve him of his responsibilities. I would email with everything, timeline, every conversation and the fact that nothing has been effective.

A paper trail, laying everything out should make them sit up. So compose an email with every incident, every response form them etc and get it sent off. Whilst you are at it have a look at the school complaint procedure so you know what your next move is.

I would tell your DD that clearly she has something about her that is so awesome they want to bring her down, the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. She is a threat to them for some reason which is why they are targeting her. Also never contact the parents, always the school. Good luck.

This!