Shameful past but worse....

[ShamefullPast]

Another recent thread got me
thinking . A lady asking about having a shameful past and how many men she’s slept with. A lot of replies saying they had slept with x amount of men but it’s ok as no STI,s and unwanted pregnancies.
I have a very shameful past as lots of men and I ended up have a few abortions.
I feel disgusting and hate what I’ve done . Feel like I should be punished in some way .
Sorry if posted in wrong place.

That whole "harmed an un-born child" is straight out of the anti-choice playbook.

The pregnancy choices board is chock full of women who are suffering extremely conflicted feelings about their terminations. Both short and long term.

There are plenty of women who don't, bit they are plenty of wine who do.

Ýou don't get to.accuse any woman who does or did of being a troll and anti abortion campaigner.

You are trying to deny women their personal experience and feelings, trying to shut them down, trying to deny their existence. You need to stop.posting u tul you can gain some tiny modicum of empathy.

*but there are plenty of women who do.

Sorry I didn’t see the previous post before it was deleted.
Im assuming @CaptSkippy Is in America we’re they have a lot more debate about pro choice / life etc ?
Im in the UK so thankfully it’s not so much of a issue. I’m just expressing how I feel. I’m aware it probably is quite irrational and conflicting. I suppose unless a women has been through it herself she might not understand?

Are you seriously that gullible?

Apparently mn hq is also "that gullible" since your posts are being deleted.

I suggest you report the poster with your belief they are an anti abortion troll and liar; see what the site admins do.

Nonetheless your arrogance and total lack of empathy in refusing to believe some women have feelings that don't conform to yours, really stands out.

The pregnancy choices board is chock full of women who are suffering extremely conflicted feelings about their terminations. Both short and long term.

yes it is. I usually stick to posting on there . But as I said it was just reading another thread on past shame and some of the replies on there got me thinking. I didn’t mean to start a debate on abortion or anything like that .

@LooseGoose22
she already reported this thread yesterday and accused me of being a troll . Thankfully they didn’t delete it as I’ve had some really nice and helpful replies

I suppose unless a women has been through it herself she might not understand?

From these boards it seems like women vary hugely in their feelings, some are perfectly OK with it, some are very conflicted short term, some are very conflicted long term.

That is very obvious from the pregnancy choices board where women tend to post about this.

I know it's possible to feel conflicted and to regret having an abortion, thinking you could have made it work in hind sight. I sympathize with that as I have sympathized with the OP in my initial replies. I have also expressed my sympathies with many other posters who have regretted abortions. It's possible to regret any decision you made in life. I am well aware of that.

I take issue with how OP phrases it: "harmed an un-born child". I have never seen another poster who regretted having an bortion even use such a phrase.

I only ever see anti-choice crusaders use that kind of rhetoric. I have also seen quite a few of said crusaders be incredibly deceitful in how they approach people and what language they use to try and convince people that abortion is wrong. Personal anecdotes are a powerful tool to convince people. It's something PR professionals know all too well and even boast about. I have also seen other organization take notice and use it for their own purposes.

OP's rhetoric reminded me strongly of these tactics.

She's coming across as an extreme, triggered, zealot of some kind with no empathy or ability to understand other people's feelings about a very complex subject.

And is acting as a bully on this thread.

You assume incorrectly. I am in the EU. There have been recent scandals here about anti-choicers using teenagers to approach even younger teens, who haven't given abortion much thought yet, to convince them it's wrong.

Their tactics and rhetorics are eerily similar to yours.

I am not willing to lose the right to make medical decisions about my own body on the account of "harming un-born children" talk.

Shame is an emotion that comes from within, condemnation is judgment that comes from without.

we all have a past OP, we’ve all done things that in hindsight we think were unwise. Please try to make peace with yourself because you’re the one who has to live with yourself. people will always offer up judgment, but if you can except who you are and the things that have led to you being the person you are, then the judgment won’t matter

Btw: These anti-choice cults are nearly always run by men. It's is sleezy to the max.

OP, if you are genuine, do not buy into this "un-born child" nonsense. It's a foetus.

OP's rhetoric reminded me strongly of these tactics.

The very fact that you cannot imagine the possibility that it might not be rhetoric, but instead op's natural response to another another poster stating she had not harmed anyone (and as such how she naturally thinks or feels) .... demonstrates further the total lack of empathy you appear to have.

You've reported op as a troll, it does not appear to have been accepted by mn. Report again and perhaps take a step back and away from the thread, since at this point you are victimising and bullying the op.

@CaptSkippy
yes I did say that because when I’m feeling low that’s how I feel ? I know it’s not a rational way of thinking but did you know when people are depressed they don’t always think rationally? In the past I’ve felt suicidal and my kids would be better off without me so what would be my motive for saying that ? To put people off suicide?

of course not it’s just how I feel

Ok well I wasn’t aware such things were going on in the EU. I know abortion is illegal in Poland and Malta but did know about these cults.

CaptbSkippy clearly needs to take a step away from this thread, and perhaps the forum.

Now demonstrating their calibre and reasonable behaviour by telling posters (who challenge them calling the op an anto bortin troll) to fuck off etc.

Op, I'd ignore their posts, no distesss yourself further interacting with them

@LooseGoose22
Thankyou. Surly if your that passionate about women rights you would be more supportive of other women who are struggling. Telling you to fuck off is ridiculous. Just making herself look bad.

Op, have you had any counselling?

There's clearly been a set of circumstances that led to what happened. (Not that having multiple partners or having terminations is unusual).

I agree with posters who point out that men are not beating themselves up about multiple partners or any terminated pregnancies they co-caused.

It sounds like you have kids, they need you. You need to come to terms with any in your past that is making you unhappy & depressed. Counselling might be the best way.

Op you did the best you could with what you knew at the time. Give your past self some compassion and forgiveness.

Oh and BTW your kids would never be better off without you. You're the most important person in the world when it comes to your kids. Even when they're adults they'll still need you .... when we've been battered by the world, even as adults, are parents are the bulwark we return to for closeness, support, kindness etc.

The only thing I can think of it that I was raped when I was 14 years old . It went to court but he only got charged with sexual assault and under age sex and not actually rape.

Nothing wrong in my opinion with having a bit of fun and experience in your early life. I'm sorry you had to have the abortions. My guess is that you had a lot going on (mental health problems/ low self-esteem?) which caused you to seek out these experiences in a more risky way. Don't keep beating yourself up about it now. I would have done more 'sowing my wild oats' if I had my time again!

I think our posts crossed. I'm so sorry you were raped at such a young age, that's a lot to cope with. I agree that it's probably a good idea to seek some counselling and talk this through with someone so you can gain a sense of acceptance of the past. It sounds like you have some trauma to work through. Take care of yourself @ShamefullPast , sending you my best wishes and thoughts.

Just going to leave this here.... www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/foetus

Foetus: a young human or animal before it is born, especially a human more than eight weeks after fertilization

And you think that's different to unborn child...? 😬

OP, as others have said, the past is in the past. It can't be changed. Accepting this can be so hard to do, but ultimately you have to accept it. My advice is don't get bogged down with the abortion debate. Your abortions happened - debating the morality of that now isn't going to change that. What to focus on, I think, is living in your present. You wish you hadn't had as many abortions as you did, so now more forward and learn from how you feel about that. Use protection. Reduce your chances of an unwanted pregnancy. Give the love you say you would have had for the babies if they had been born to your children who are here now, with you. The more you focus on the good in your life, the more it grows. It may not be easy but I'm sure you have the strength in you to do it, even if it doesn't feel like that right now. You've got this. 💐