Shameful past but worse....

[ShamefullPast]

Another recent thread got me
thinking . A lady asking about having a shameful past and how many men she’s slept with. A lot of replies saying they had slept with x amount of men but it’s ok as no STI,s and unwanted pregnancies.
I have a very shameful past as lots of men and I ended up have a few abortions.
I feel disgusting and hate what I’ve done . Feel like I should be punished in some way .
Sorry if posted in wrong place.

No op, draw a line, and move on !!

OP, I have reported this thread, because I have become suspicious of your motives. Seems to me you are hear to promote anti-abortion rethoric.

@CaptSkippy
Im not anti abortion ? I was just responding to another thread about past shame . It made me think about my past shame so I wrote a thread on it as I’ve felt really depressed today

im in no way saying any women should feel shame about having an abortion. It’s completely her choice . I just struggle with mine and the fact I’ve had more than 2 . For some reason one or two seems to be acceptable. More than that and your disgusting. I personally don’t care how many a women has that’s up to her . My thread was only about how I feel ☹️☹️

Why do people report posts because they can't fathom that someone has led a different life to theirs or has different views? It doesn't mean they're making it up just because it's so outside your thinking.

The past is the past, leave it there. Concentrate on the here and now and the future. No-one is without regrets, we all have a past and our past is what makes us the person we are today. You sound kind and empathetic OP, please be kind to yourself.

I find that ridiculous too op. You are either pro choice or not. Multiple abortions to me would scream either lacking in contraceptive knowledge/ experience or abuse. I hope you are safe.

@boatahoy
Thankyou that means a lot to me x

I wonder how many men are feeling shame for their past sex lives, including women they've got pregnant.

I think I must of had some kind of mental problem . I’m not saying that in a sarcastic way or anything . I’d never in a million years do those kind of things now .

I've not had an abortion, but that is sheer luck that at certain times in my life I didn't get pregnant, but if I had at those times I would absolutely have had one (or many). None of the men I've slept with have had to deal with worrying if my period would come, it probably never crossed their minds!

It is not a case of you made the decision you felt you had to make at the time.

At a different time,under different circumstances, you might have done differently but it was what you felt was the right choice at the time. You can't live yourself backwards.

I would never judge anyone who has an abortion but if you are struggling to deal with it maybe have counselling but there's no shame in this.

You're very down on yourself, OP. I think a woman having lots of sex can be a great thing, if she's doing it from a place of being in control of her body and knowing that it's what she wants.

With you though, it sounds like it comes from a different place and I wonder if you're doing it to fill a need. This is the point where I share the fact that in my late teens and 20s, I slept with over 100 men, managed to got assaulted once, had many pregnancy scares and an abortion. I realise that my behaviour came from a place of needing to fill an emotional vacuum.

I think you might benefit from speaking to someone. Sending you hugs though. It sounds like you need one.

@FriedTomatoe
Yes ! This exactly! Thankyou so much for putting into words for me . I didn’t even enjoy the sex half the time I’d cry after and feel like shit. How did you get over it and move on with your life ?

I tried lots of self help but ultimately therapy worked well for me. I went for counselling for an unrelated issue and somehow managed to unpick my issues around sex at the same time. Confronting my past was definitely the way forward.

The only acts anyone should feel ashamed by are ones that have harmed or hurt someone else. Our treatment of others and our impact on them is the only morality there is. Anything else is morally neutral, and while you may regret am action, or even feel you've harmed yourself with it, you have nothing to be ashamed of.

I haven't rtft, but this is your past. You can't live the rest of your days being sad and ashamed of things that have happened (and I tell myself this everyday because of similar reasons-ish). I know it's hard but you shouldn't be ashamed. It's easy for me to say, but please remember you're definitely not a horrible person. If you need to apologise to anyone then do so, but otherwise don't worry.

the only people I care about are my kids, husband and immediate family. We live in the smallest town and my dad's somewhat of a live wire, as I can be, gossip spreads but so what? Are these people.ever going to have an impact on your life? you know you're not bad

@5128gap
I have though. I harmed the unborn child . That’s why it feels so bad and feel like I should be punished

I think you're confused and conflicted on that one then OP. Because you say you would feel OK with one or two abortions, which doesn't make sense if you considered you were harming an unborn child.
I think you need to do some reflecting about how you really view abortion, and whether your feelings are a reflection of how you think society views women who have a lot of partners and multiple abortions; or whether you really believe you did something wrong. Because it's really difficult to heal when you don't know what's causing the wound.

Abortions aren't shameful love. They are what they are. Heath care. You did your best with what you had. Sex also isn't shameful.

It's not murder, rape, burglary, battery etc...

You enjoyed sex and got pregnant and dealt with it. Let it go.

Seek therapy as to why you feel so ashamed about something so many have done.

And I have done some really bad things to people I love (and people I don't love) and I'm going to therapy to forgive myself. They've all forgiven me.. but it's so much harder to love and forgive yourself.

We are animals with big brains... no wonder we torture ourselves!

@5128gap
hi that was in response to an earlier poster that’s been deleted now. She said one maybe 2 abortions is acceptable but any more is disgusting and I should be ashamed of myself. Personally I don’t care how many a women has . But for
myself it feels wrong and I am ashamed . I am confused and conflicted about it.

You need to stop bullying the op.

Your posts are disgraceful.

You seem to have rhe most incredible la k of empathy & ability to understand some pll feel differently about things than you.

Bullying OP? By refusing to swallow the anti-bortion Kool-aid that is being peddeled here?

People could sell you just about any idea if they cloak in "lessons from their own shameful past", couldn't they?

Are you seriously that gullible?