Shameful past but worse....

[ShamefullPast]

Another recent thread got me
thinking . A lady asking about having a shameful past and how many men she’s slept with. A lot of replies saying they had slept with x amount of men but it’s ok as no STI,s and unwanted pregnancies.
I have a very shameful past as lots of men and I ended up have a few abortions.
I feel disgusting and hate what I’ve done . Feel like I should be punished in some way .
Sorry if posted in wrong place.

OP - ignore this post

pleased don’t be ashamed
life can be tough

I've got kids to multiple men, I've had an sti once, I've slept with men I shouldn't. But I'm not a bad person. If people want to judge they can go ahead. You're not a bad person either.

I am 😢

Why should she be? Why do you care about a complete stranger’s uterus enough to pass comment on it? Are you that fucking bored? OP’s choices have precisely zero effect on your life.

How many abortions did you have op? Have you had any counselling? Perhaps you would benefit from discussing your feelings with one?

Oh, and unwanted pregnancies are easier* to avoid for women in stable and non abusive situations, with free access to contraception.

It doesn’t take a lot of imagination to realise that not all women are fortunate enough to be in that position.

So its purely the woman who should feel shame, not the men?

What matters is the future, OP. Wishing you happiness

Lovely- I've had 2 , including one with my H who I had only known a few months at the time- they were the right thing to do at the time- even my mother suprised me by saying she had 2 - both in the80's as she was over 40 and didn't want the higher risks. Please don't beat yourself up!!

Thanks for all the supportive messages .

@Hallyup89 YOU should be ashamed of yourself for saying that. Please reflect and hopefully get some insight into why you felt compelled to say something so cruel to somebody who is feeling bad enough as it is.

OP take no notice, please. Any decent person would not condemn you for this, whatever you were going through at the time led to those situations and no one should judge you, including you. you’ve done nothing wrong.

Dont worry about the past, and certainly do not worry about anything in the Daily Mail. Of course there would be vile hate. Stay away from it. Be kind to yourself and in no way do you need to be punished.

Thankyou. I know I should have been more careful. I was an idiot . Obviously I’d do anything to go back and do things differently ☹️

Shame and regret don’t achieve anything. You can’t chsnge the past. Just be a ‘better’ person going forward and learn from mistakes so they are not repeated

Please, please, please do not be ashamed.
Lots of women have had abortions. Lots of women have had "lucky escapes", from unprotected sex.
A lot of women just don't own up to this because of receiving an outdated"bad reputation ".
Best wishes to you

You weren’t an idiot. You were a young woman doing the best you could in the shit situations you were in. You did nothing wrong.

You have the future ahead of you and you can work to make it what you want it to be. You can be the person you want to be. Shame is a quicksand, it will only ever hold you in place and drown you. Don’t let it, you’re worth so much more.

I really appreciate the support . I get so depressed about my abortions I sometimes feel suicidal.

What is worse, someone who had multiple abortions, or someone who had multiple unwanted, neglected children? You did what was right for you at the time, OP. Please don't keep beating yourself up about it.

Hi OP. Your past is exactly that, the past. Do not feel ashamed it is history. Just move on.

As PPs have said it is infinitely more shameful to have carelessly brought unwanted children into the world (carelessly - I'm not talking about a situation a friend was in, a coercive relationship where he made her have a child).

Children need live and need to be wanted. No child should be born unwanted and unloved.

Your choice for teminations are difficult to live with but they were the right ones. Being born unwanted and maybe even passed from pillar to post is a terrible thing to live with.

Look at the post castigating you. And think. The person that posted that is the type of person who’s judgement hurts you. The type of person that can open a thread, see someone who is really suffering, and proceed to stick the knife in. That’s the not the type of person you need the approval of. That is the type of person that isn’t worth you even noticing.

This person is of the same ilk as the daily Mail commentators. A peanut gallery. They don’t even really care about whatever it is they’re frothing about, they’re just enjoying indulging their blood lust in a public forum. No different to the crowds at the colosseum, the only thing that’s different is the method of expression.

You don’t need them to approve or disapprove of you. You are already a better person.

That’s the thing though. I would have loved them once they were born . That’s why I look back and can’t believe what I did .

Oh please do seek counselling OP. Your past and the choices you made DO NOT define who you are. It’s easy to hear that loads of women have abortions etc but everyone is different and yours have clearly had a lasting impact on you. Although I suspect you did what was absolutely right at the time and now you are beating yourself up about it for some reason? Perhaps a counsellor can get to the bottom of that for you and help you find closure and acceptance.

I used to drink a lot when I was in any social setting and always pretended to be someone I am not! For years I would lie awake at night cringing and worrying what people thought of me. I had counselling and it was the best thing I’ve ever done, I am a totally different and more well rounded, confident and secure person now. The biggest thing I learned was to accept myself and the journey I have been on.

Please don’t beat yourself up I promise things can change and self perception will improve. Sending hugs 🤗 💐 x x x