AIBU - school Mum invited herself to my kid's party

[Aliciasattic]

My DD is turning 8 in August and we've organised a small party for her, telling her she can have six guests from school. It's an activity so fairly pricey per child, hence the numbers.
One of the school Mum's asked me if my DD was attending an event that coincides with the date of the party and I foolishly said, no because it's her birthday and she's having a party. The Mum instantly said, oh ok I'll say no to the event then as she (her DD) would much rather go to your party.
The kids have literally never played together.

Instead of replying, sorry she's not invited I sort of sheepishly murmured something about having to go and headed off. I'm now stressed out about this, should I just let the kid come? Or was the Mum being cheeky to just assume her kid was invited? There are lots of smaller parties in the class, so nothing new there. For what it's worth she seems like a nice person, although I don't know her particularly well and my DD has never had any negative experiences with the other kid. But still, there's other kids she'd rather invite if there was the option of an extra space and I feel like I've been backed into a corner.

I'm annoyed with myself but also finding the whole thing a bit stressful and awkward.

What would you do?

To add, when I say explained the situation I mean told her the kid knew about the party and would like to come, what does she think, rather than tell her the ins and outs. Obviously can be an idiot sometimes but not that stupid.

That's a nice outcome OP, well done. It doesn't sound like the other mum was being a CF in the end but more responding to what you had said and also I always thought that these parties were helpful in building good relations with other parents and even friendships, and you've sorted it out well.

I'm pleased you've found a way to come out if this unpleasant situation on top!

talking about your manners or other people's manners is the height of rudeness! for shame!

You've handled it well very OP and from the way your DD reacted she sounds like a sweetheart.

Nicely resolved and everyone comes away happy.

This is a tricky one but if it was me I’d just invite the kid and suck it up

yea I'd do the same cos to refuse her is just way too awkward.

I don't quite understand the lack of backbone. I think it's because I'm at an age where I don't give a fuck anymore.

Apologise for the misunderstanding. Tell her it’s family only.

Wow your update.you are such a pushover . And The other mum is a cf!

I think you should have spoken up at the time. Just let the kid come

Set some better examples for your dd. So that she grows up and learns to speak up for her self. Especially in this day and age. You are setting a very dangerous precedent here. Very dangerous....

Given my kids are all adults, I couldn't possibly be the mum.

When mine were small, I would not assume anything until an invitation had arrived. However, schools back then, and presumably still, only allowed invitations on school premises if it was for the whole class or all boys/girls. They recognise that hearing about parties that they are not invited to can be upsetting for children.

Most people would not mention a party to someone in the same social circle (which a school is, with varying levels of closeness between members) unless they were invited. It's basic manners.

Anyway, the op has taken the polite course of action so it's all resolved.

Thank goodness this craze for expensive parties at venues other than the child's home were not the norm when my DCs were children!

There seems to be a relentless round of parties for all children these days. My grandchildren attend parties about twice a month on average, it seems.

It's so expensive, in both time and money. The attendees are expected to bring a present (so parents have to fork out for 20+ presents a year) and for the child whose party it is, there is the expense of the venue and/or an organised activity, plus food, plus some sort of party bag for all the attendees! The costs can run into hundreds of pounds for some.

Whatever happened to having a child's party at home, with half a dozen or so of the child's friends coming around for a few games like pass the parcel and musical chairs, followed by a birthday tea and the children going home a couple of hours later with a slice of cake and a balloon?

She will realise she is not invited when she doesn't get an invite. You haven't invited her. You don't need to send an awkward message uninviting her. It is not rude to mention your DD is having a party when talking to the parent of someone who is not connected to your DD. It would be rude to mention it if it was the parent of a child who was friendly with your DD or who played with her. I would just carry on as before and invite 6 of your DD's friends.

Hello,

I think that by not being upfront about your daughter's party is going to hurt everyone. First, if the kids never played together and this kid was invited it could make your child feel some kind of way because it could have been another child she would have invited instead. The child who was not invited will be hurt if she can't go because her mom probably has already told her. You told you daughter 6 kids so stick to it. This is unfair to your daughter.

It's rude of the other mum to invite her dd - who does that

You know she's going to push her CF behaviour further now right lol. She'll probably bring a sleeping bag and "assume" it's overnight and not come back for her. You should have been firmer, they weren't invited. Seeing as you having a party, my kid can come too yeah? Send over the details hun x

This other little girl who’s been told she’s going to the party will now have to be told she can’t go and she will probably be upset about that, it’s like mean girls… you can’t sit with us. However if this girl kinda does know she don’t really mix with that girl she prob understand but it’ll still hurt. What if it was your daughter? And you mistakingly assumed she was invited because you thought they were closer friends?

i do get the situation from your side and what you should of done is said straight away no it’s only 5 of the girls who she plays with the most cus of cost- always be honest.

now it’s dragged on if the other little girl been told about party I’d just feel too bad saying no actually she can’t.